Together We Stand
by Dmarx
Summary: "The best you can hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you." As Kate recovers, she begins to realize the importance of Montgomery's words, both on the job and in life. Spoilers for Knockout. Complete.
1. Prologue

_Summary: Spoilers for Knockout and possibly for season 4 as well. "The best you can hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you." As Kate is fighting for her life after being shot, she comes to realize the importance of Montgomery's words, both on the job and in life._

_Author's Note: As promised, here is the first chapter of my post-Knockout fic. I know everyone has been writing these, and I know I'm a little late in getting started, so I hope you all aren't sick of reading them already. This picks up where the episode left off and will follow Kate's recovery (and Castle's role in it). Also, I have read the spoilers for season 4 and some of what happens in this will be based off of those, so be forewarned….although I highly doubt that anything I write will actually occur on the show. Oh well, I can hope, right? And now….enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Castle or anything related to it. If I did, this is how season 4 would begin._

**Together We Stand**

**Prologue**

The scene was complete and utter chaos. People were screaming and crying, a handful of cops raced off in the direction of the shot, and Ryan jumped into action and called 911. When no more shots were fired, Lanie wriggled out from beneath Esposito's protective grasp and rushed over to Kate, her heart breaking at the sight of Castle's tears as he hovered over the detective.

Lanie fought back her own tears as she knelt down and applied pressure to the wound, knowing that a shot to the chest did not usually end well. "Castle, check her pulse," she commanded, attempting to maintain her composure long enough to apply her medical knowledge and save her friend.

Castle's fingers were trembling and it was a moment before he managed to find the right spot, but once he did, he was relieved to feel the blood still flowing through her veins. "It's faint," he choked out. "But it's there."

"Is she breathing?"

Castle leaned over her mouth, feeling her breath on his cheek. "Yes."

"Make sure it stays that way," Lanie said.

Castle nodded as he leaned over Kate again, resting his forehead on hers, one hand still on her pulse point. "Come on, Kate," he begged, "you can't leave me, I need you." His voice broke. "_Please._"

Ryan came running up then, breathless, and Lanie could tell it was all he could do not to cringe at the sight in front of him. "Medics are on the way."

"How soon?" Lanie asked.

"Three minutes," he replied. "She's breathing?" Lanie nodded. "Alright, keep pressure on it, I need to go find Esposito."

As it turned out, Esposito had been among the group of officers who ran after the shooter, but to no avail. The man was long gone by the time anyone had a chance to get to him, and to be honest, he had shot from so far away that no one had a clue where he had actually been standing. Well, no one except maybe Castle, who was currently far too mentally indisposed to be of much use in this situation.

"Please," Castle begged again as he registered Kate's pulse becoming weaker, "don't leave me, Kate. You can't leave me."

After what seemed like hours, the wailing of sirens approached them and a flood of people poured out of the ambulance as it pulled up. "Back up please, out of the way," one of them yelled.

Esposito and Ryan had to pry Castle's hands off of Kate and physically drag him away from her. He fought it the whole time in a scene eerily reminiscent of the way he had carried Kate from the hangar just a few days ago.

"Castle, come on, man, you gotta stop," Esposito said harshly as he and Ryan fought to restrain him.

"No I need to….Kate…." he choked, fighting to free his arms.

"I know," Ryan said. "But right now there's nothing you can do."

"I…."

"Let the medics do their work, Castle. Let them give her a chance."

"Dad!" Alexis's voice suddenly rang out and Castle whirled around in surprise. With everything that had happened, he had completely forgotten about all of the other people around, even his own family. She rushed into his arms and only once they were sure that he was going to stay with Alexis did Ryan and Esposito let go of him. "Is she okay?" the girl asked, clinging tightly to her father.

"She will be," Castle managed, although he was saying more for himself than for anyone else. The truth of the matter was that she _had_ to be okay. Because if she was not….Castle did not even want to think about that. There was no world without Kate Beckett in it.

Alexis almost seemed to follow his train of thought and held him closer as his mother came up and joined them, wrapping her arms around them both. "Richard," she spoke softly.

A sob escaped him and he collapsed to the ground, his mother and daughter sitting down with him, engulfing him in their arms and watching his heart break. Alexis's eyes filled with tears too as she watched her father fall apart in her arms. She had seen him cry once before but it was nothing like this.

"Richard," his mother said again. "It's okay. She'll be okay."

"You don't know that," he sobbed, bringing his hands up to wipe at his tears. He stopped, though, when he saw Kate's blood, still coating his fingers and palms. "You don't...there was so much blood."

"The paramedics are with her," Martha said, grasping his hands and pulling them out of his line of sight. "They're putting her in the ambulance right now."

"What?" Castle's head snapped up just as the ambulance doors shut. "Kate!" He leapt out of the grasp of his family and lunged for the ambulance as it took off out of the cemetery, sirens wailing. Ryan and Esposito were on him again, grabbing his shoulders and fighting to still him as he attempted to run down the ambulance.

"Castle, bro, you gotta calm down," Esposito said firmly.

"Kate…." He called again.

"Let's go, we'll take you to the hospital," Ryan said, grabbing him firmly by the wrist.

The cops remaining at the scene were attempting to maintain order, calming the panicked crowd and attempting to gather any relevant information about the identity or location of the sniper. Lanie had jumped into the ambulance and Jim, Martha, and Alexis were all piling into Castle's car to head for the hospital. Castle, however, saw none of it as Ryan and Esposito dragged him to their car and shoved him in the back seat. There was only one thought on his mind right now, and that was that he had to get to Kate as fast as possible. He had to make sure that she was still alive.

* * *

><p><em>This chapter is short, I know, but it's just a prologue. The others will be much longer, I promise. Lots of Caskett fluff (and some angst) to come! Thoughts?<em>


	2. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: So I wasn't lying when I said that this chapter would be longer...it's nearly three times as long as the prologue! There is a few hour time-jump between this chapter and the previous one, as they are now in the hospital, post-surgery. Please don't hate me for the presence of a certain character...it's only temporary, I promise. And now...let the Caskett madness begin..._

**Chapter 1**

Kate Beckett's eyes slowly floated open, blinking as they were met by white walls and bright lights. Taking in her surroundings, she registered the steady beeping that sounded strangely like a heart monitor. Everything smelled clean….too clean, almost like a hospital. There was an IV connected to her arm, she was wired up to a heart-rate monitor, there was a breathing tube sticking out her nose, another tube sticking out of her chest, and she was pretty sure she was attached to at least a couple more machines. All in all, she was incredibly uncomfortable. Slowly she turned her head to look around, her eyes still struggling with the brightness. As she did so, she felt her hand being gently squeezed and turned her head that direction.

"Kate?" Although she was still groggy, the voice was unmistakable.

"Castle?" Her voice was scratchy and quiet, but just the sound of it made Castle smile for the first time in almost twenty-four hours.

"Oh my God," he gasped. "You're awake."

"Castle…." She reached for him, wincing as pain shot through her chest, and her arm dropped back to the bed.

She cringed and he reacted immediately. "Are you okay?" he asked. Kate nodded but he knew she was lying. He reached for the call button, knowing that the nurses would need to check on her now that she was awake.

"What happened?" she managed, pushing the discomfort aside.

"You got shot," Castle said matter-of-factly. "You don't remember?"

"I remember pain," she said softly. "Montgomery's funeral."

"You were giving the eulogy," he supplied. "Do you remember anything else?"

She shook her head-well, she shook it as much as possible while laying down connected to what must have been every machine in the ICU. "No."

"No?" Castle's heart sank. She did not remember. He had finally said the three words he had wanted to say for so long and she did not remember. And now that she was awake, he knew it was going to be so much harder to find the courage to say them again. He had to ask, though. He had to be sure. "What about a….?" he began, but was interrupted by the door opening.

They both looked up to see Josh entering the room. Castle groaned inwardly at the man's terrible sense of timing and guiltily let go of Kate's hand. However, he did not move from her bedside.

"What's wrong?" Josh asked, clearly in doctor mode. "You called for us?" Castle cursed himself for pushing the call button so soon. He should have waited. He just wanted a few more minutes with her, but it appeared as though that was not going to happen.

"Josh?" the tentative voice snapped him out of his professional frame of mind immediately.

"Hey there," he said gently, walking to the other side of her bed and kneeling down next to her. "I'm so glad you're awake."

"What happened?" she asked again.

"You were shot, babe," Josh responded. "In the chest. I had to do surgery to remove the bullet."

"Y….you did the surgery?" Josh nodded. "Thank you," she whispered, knowing she would forever owe him her life.

"You were…." Now it was Josh's turn to be interrupted as a handful of nurses strode into the room and began checking Kate's vitals. He stepped aside and allowed them to work, and Rick took the chance to slip from the room, knowing that things could get awkward very fast. In an effort to forget about the fact that Josh was, in fact, still in her life, he went in search of the others, knowing that they would want to hear the news.

It had been twenty hours since Kate had been shot. Twenty hours since Castle's worst nightmare had almost come true. Twenty hours since that bullet had pierced Kate's chest, shattering two ribs, piercing her lung and nicking her scapula; and tearing Castle's heart out in the process. Since then, Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, Alexis, Martha, and Jim Beckett had been at the hospital, crying more tears than any of them thought possible. Once Kate's surgery was finished and she was moved to the ICU, they had all taken turns sitting by her bedside. After this, the rest of them had returned to the waiting room; Castle had refused to leave her side. Martha and Alexis had gone home at one point to change and to bring Castle some clean clothes. Lanie had made a coffee and food run, although no one was very hungry and the donuts remained untouched. They had alternated crying, comforting each other, and sharing stories about Beckett, but everyone had been too worried to sleep much. About an hour ago, though, exhaustion had finally taken over and as Castle entered the waiting room, he found that most everyone had drifted off. Alexis was leaning with her head on her grandmother's shoulder. Lanie was curled up under Esposito's arm, and Jenny had shown up at some point and was cuddled up with Ryan. All six were asleep. Only Jim was still awake, and he stood the moment Castle entered the room.

"How is she?" he asked.

"Awake," Castle said. "She just woke up. Nurses are with her."

"Thank you," Jim said, taking off down the hall.

Castle looked around, unsure of whether he should wake the others, but decided to let them sleep for now. He sat down briefly but quickly found was unable to sit still. He wanted to see Kate again. He needed to see her again. He needed to talk to her, to see if she remembered what he had said. He needed to be there to remind himself that she was still alive, that she was going to be all right. He wondered why Josh had not been at the funeral with her. Why he had left after completing the operation and not returned until Castle had hit the call button. He wanted to tell him that he was not worthy of Kate because he was never there when she most needed him. He wanted Kate to see that, and he wanted to be there through it all to prove to her that when he said 'always,' he meant it. However, he was neither her father nor her boyfriend, so he had graciously stepped aside to give them time with her.

It was no more than ten minutes later when Jim re-emerged and headed straight for Castle. "Why aren't you in there with her?" he asked bluntly.

"Well I….I thought….you and Josh were there and…." Castle stammered.

"Josh left," Jim interrupted, and Castle could tell he was not pleased with the man. "He had to go do another surgery."

"How can he do surgery when his girlfriend has been shot?" Castle hissed, annoyed at Josh for once again choosing the job over Kate.

"That's why she needs you right now, Rick," Jim said. "She needs someone to be there for her. She's asleep again, but I guarantee you she'll want you there when she wakes up."

"Thank you," Castle said, grateful to have Jim's support.

"I need to run home and grab some things," Jim said, and Castle could tell it pained him to have to leave. "Stay with her, please."

"Absolutely." Castle nodded and the men parted ways, Jim heading out of the hospital and Castle returning to Kate's room. He assumed his previous position in the chair beside Kate's bed and gently took her hand again. Her heart monitor beat steadily and her chest was rising and falling with each breath. She looked pale and fragile, but she was alive, and for that, Castle was thankful. While he was mentally kicking himself for not reacting sooner, he was also well aware that things could have been worse. Much worse. Even so, he could not stop the tears that filled his eyes once again at the sight of her, connected to a bunch of machines and fighting for her life in a hospital bed. He gently began tracing patterns on the back of her hand as he layed his head on the edge of the bed next to her arm. He felt a couple tears fall but did not bother to wipe them away. Since collapsing in hysterics at the funeral, he had been trying to remain strong for Alexis, and he would need to be strong for Kate once she woke up. But right now, he needed to break down, so he let the tears fall.

* * *

><p>When Kate woke for the second time, three hours later, Castle was once again the first person she saw. He was sitting in a chair, his head laying on the bed, his hand covering hers, and he was asleep. Before she could stop herself, though, she squeezed his hand and it was enough to rouse him.<p>

"K….Kate?" he asked as he opened his eyes.

She squeezed his hand again. "Yeah."

He lifted his head and Kate found herself fighting the overwhelming urge to reach out and rearrange his hair. "Hey," he said, his face breaking out into a smile.

"Hey."

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

He was fully expecting her to say that she was fine and her answer took him by surprise. "I've been better," she managed, attempting to inject some humor into the situation. "I hurt everywhere."

"Do you need more pain meds?" Castle asked, reaching for the call button.

"No," she said quickly, wincing from the effort of her sudden exclamation. She paused briefly before continuing. "Not yet."

He knew it was no use arguing with her. "Okay."

She looked up at him, surprised that he had not argued, and took in his distraught features. There were dark circles around his eyes and it was obvious that he had been crying. His hair was a mess and he clearly had not shaved in at least a day. And his entire face was tense. "How long have you been here?" she asked.

"Almost twenty-four hours," he answered.

"How long have I been here?" she was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

"The same."

"You've been here the whole time?" she asked, and although she would never admit it, she was touched. He nodded. "How long was my surgery?" Just talking was starting to hurt but she wanted to know what happened.

"Six hours."

"How bad is it?" she saw the pain cross his features as he remembered what he had gone through and suddenly she did not want to know.

"You were hit in the upper left of your chest," Castle told her. "It shattered two ribs, went through your lung, and cracked your shoulder blade."

"I was lucky, wasn't I?"

Castle nodded, and she saw his eyes fill with tears. "God, I thought I'd lost you," he choked out. "You passed out in my arms. I was so…." He trailed off, shuddering at the memory.

"Hey," she said, squeezing his hand and bringing him back to the present. "I'm here, okay?"

He wanted to scream. He wanted to yell at her for seeming so unfazed about the fact that less than a day ago she was fighting for her life. He wanted to hug her, to reassure himself that she really was alive. He wanted to keep her safe, to never let her out of his sight again. But this was not the time for any of those reactions, so instead he just nodded and squeezed her hand too.

At that moment, nurses came bustling in to check on her, monitoring her vitals and checking her bandages before giving her another shot of pain medication.

"Everyone else?" Kate asked after the nurses left. She was so tired now but she wanted to know before she slept again.

"They're fine," he assured her. "Everyone is fine."

"The guy?" she asked, and he knew she wanted to know if they caught the man who shot her.

"Sleep, Kate," he answered as the pain meds started to kick in and her eyelids began to flutter. She would have to find out eventually, he knew, but right now was not the time. Right now, she needed to heal, because Castle did not know how much longer he could stand to see her in the hospital. As she drifted off again, he leaned in a pressed a kiss to her forehead before laying his head on the bed once again and drifting off to sleep with her.

* * *

><p>For the next twenty-four hours, Kate drifted in and out of consciousness. When she would look back on this day in the future, she would hardly remember any of it. She would vaguely recall Josh being there one time she awoke. Her father was there for a couple of them and Lanie was there once as well. The one thing that would stand out in her mind, though, was that Castle was in the room with her every single time. Sometimes he had been sitting in the chair holding her hand. Other times he had been across the room, working on his laptop, while the others were at her bedside. He still had not shaved and he was wearing the same clothes that his family had brought him the previous day. Kate could tell that he had hardly slept, and although a part of her wanted to tell him to go home and take care of himself and be with his family, a much larger part of her was touched beyond words that he was still there. Every time she woke, he was by her side in an instant, asking if she needed anything. He would call the nurses for her and let the others know that she was awake and wanted to see them.<p>

The first solid memories she had were from when she awoke again-for what must have been the seventh or eighth time that day-and was feeling much more coherent. Although she was still heavily medicated, she found that she was no longer quite as drowsy. She glanced around the room and was surprised to hear two voices coming from the corner by the window. One of them clearly belonged to Castle. The other belonged to her father, and when she heard the words that came out of his mouth, it was all she could do not to choke on her breathing tubes.

"You love my daughter," Jim was saying. It was not a question.

"More than anything," Castle replied earnestly.

"It shows," Jim responded. "You tried to take a bullet for her."

"I promised to keep her safe," Castle said. Kate heard him sigh, and when he spoke again, his tone had changed. It almost sounded pained. "I need to keep her safe."

"I know," Jim said. "That's why you're so good for her. I know she doesn't like it, but you look after her, and as a father, that's very comforting. You understand that, I'm sure."

Castle nodded. "I do," he said softly.

"Well keep doing what you've been doing," Jim said, taking Castle by surprise. He was waiting for the moment where Jim blamed him for not reacting sooner and for not trying harder to stop her, but it never came. "You bring out the parts of her that died with her mother. You make her happier than she's been in a long time. She may not want to admit it, but I know she cares about you as more than a partner too. Just be patient with her."

"I will," Castle said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'll wait forever if I have to." Across the room, Kate's eyes filled with tears. Not only was Castle being completely sincere, but the fact that he seemed to get along so well with her father made her incredibly happy.

Jim chuckled. "I know she's stubborn, but hopefully it won't take _that_ long." Castle smiled in spite of the situation. "Just keep being here for her," he said. "Be the one here when she wakes up, be the one to help her through all of this, and I promise you, someday soon she'll come around."

"Thank you," Castle said. Having her father's support meant more to him than he ever would have imagined.

"No, thank _you,_" Jim said. "For everything you've done for her."

Meanwhile, Kate was frantically trying to decide how to act when a nurse entered the room, clipboard in hand, for Kate's hourly check-up. She knew it would just be awkward if Castle and her father found out through the nurse that she had been awake and listening to their conversation, so she closed her eyes and did her best to slow her breathing and calm her pounding heart.

As the woman bustled around, Kate's mind was spinning, the conversation she had just heard racing through her head. Her father liked him. Castle loved her. He would wait for her. Kate was so confused. She had no idea what to do. She had a boyfriend, a perfectly nice, smart, successful, really good-looking boyfriend. On paper, he was perfect. In reality, he was busy, worked crazy hours, and travelled a lot for Doctors Without Borders. But he was a good guy, and Kate knew she should be happy with him. And she probably would be if not for the man who was currently chatting with her father.

She wanted to slap Castle across the face for making her love life so complicated. She wanted to thank him for being there and for trying to protect her from the bullet. She wanted to kiss him senseless. But she was stuck in a hospital bed and even thinking was starting to hurt, so at the moment, none of those options were feasible.

The nurse finally left and Kate opened her eyes again, figuring that she could now claim that the nurse's movements had woken her. She attempted to adjust the sheets and let out a frustrated groan when she found that she could not reach one of them.

Castle was by her side instantly, kneeling next her bed. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Do I need to call the nurse back in?"

"No, I'm fine," Kate insisted, reaching for the sheet again. "I just….will you pull that up for me?"

"Of course." Castle gently took hold of the sheet and pulled it up over her so that it covered her chest. "That far enough?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"You're welcome. Do you need anything else."

"I don't think so."

Castle brushed a few strands of hair out of her face before taking a step back. "Okay. Your dad is here, I'll leave you two alone for a few minutes." He turned to Jim. "I'm going to grab some breakfast, would you like anything?"

"A coffee would be nice."

"Done. I'll be back in a few minutes," he said, heading for the door.

"Thank you, Rick," Jim said as he sat down next to his daughter's bed.

Castle turned around in the doorway, the light from the hallway outlining his silhouette. "Not a problem."

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	3. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: First of all, thank you to everyone who has reviewed/favorited/alerted this story so far. You guys rock! Second, while I've taken quite a few human biology/anatomy classes, I have no idea how long it takes to recover from something like this. I've done some research online, but if my timeline is off...well, oh well. Hopefully it's still realistic. And finally, here is the next installment! _

**Chapter 2**

"You've got one hell of a partner there," Jim said as soon as Castle left the room.

Kate smiled. "I know."

"He cares about you, Katie," he said straight-forwardly. "He hasn't left the hospital since you've been here."

"I know," she said again.

"Josh stopped by a couple hours ago while you were asleep. He said he'd try to come back tonight." Jim looked less than pleased.

"Yeah, he's working a double shift today," Kate said, ignoring the voice in her head that was adding, _again_. He had done surgery on his girlfriend less than two days ago and he was working a double shift. As a homicide detective, Kate was usually fairly understanding of Josh's crazy work schedule. But here, now, as she was lying in a hospital bed, she was having trouble with the fact that Josh would still willingly cover for his coworker on such short notice when he should be taking care of his girlfriend.

They sat in silence for a moment before Jim changed the subject. "How are you feeling today?"

"Like crap," Kate replied honestly. "Everything hurts. I can't move my left arm and it hurts to lift my head."

Jim shook his head. "You gave all of us quite a scare, Katie," he said. "When you fell to the ground I thought…." He trailed off and Kate could tell he was fighting back tears. "You can't ever do this to me again."

"I'm sorry, Dad," she said softly.

"I'm serious, Katie," he said. "You can't let yourself get shot again. You've got to stop chasing this guy."

"Dad…."

"Way too many people have died at his hand and you know you're next. And I can't deal with that."

"Dad, they killed Mom!" Kate exclaimed. "I can't believe you're telling me to let him get away with it."

"Because they're going to kill you too," Jim said firmly. "And it's not worth it."

"Mom would want me to…."

"No, she wouldn't," Jim interrupted. "Your mother would be proud of you for what you've done. And I know she would have appreciated how hard you've tried to find justice for her. But she wouldn't have wanted you to get yourself killed in the process."

"If I don't catch him, I will have failed her," Kate fought back. She was not going to back down that easily.

"Katie…."

"Dad, please," she pleaded.

"No." he said. "I'm not backing down on this one, Katie. You need to stop."

"I…."

"Everything okay in here?" Jim and Kate looked up to see Castle hovering awkwardly in the doorway, balancing two coffees and a bottle of water, and clearly wondering how to proceed. When neither of them responded, he spoke up again. "Alright, I'll give you two a minute."

"Castle," Kate called before he had a chance to leave again. "It's okay. Stay."

"No, you guys clearly have some things to discuss."

"They can wait," Kate said, hoping to avoid any further arguments right now. She knew she and her father were never going to agree and, quite frankly, she just did not want to deal with it at the moment.

Jim seemed to catch on and stood up reluctantly. "I was just leaving," he said to Castle. He shot his daughter a pointed look. "We are not done talking about this."

"Dad…."

"I'll see you later, Katie." He took the coffee Castle had brought for him. "Thanks, Rick." And before Castle had a chance to reply, Jim was gone.

"You okay?" Castle asked as he set down his coffee and water and reclaimed the chair by Kate's bed.

"Fine," she mumbled. If there was anyone more protective of her than her father, it was Castle and she knew that she was going to have the same argument with him at some point. Actually, she already kind of did, before….all of this.

"Liar."

"Castle, I'm…." Kate Beckett was anything but fine right now. She was in the hospital recovering from a shot to the chest. Her captain was dead. Her last connection to her mother's case-Hal Lockwood-was dead. And the sniper who shot her was in the wind. She could lie again and say she was fine, but she knew he would see right through it. He always did.

"Talk to me, Kate," Castle said softly. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm here to help you and if that means listening while you unload on me then I'm okay with that. You've been through more in this last week than most people go through in their lives and it's okay to be upset about it."

"I'm not upset," she said honestly. "I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated with this case. I'm frustrated that both Lockwood and Montgomery died before I could find out what I need to know. I'm frustrated that I'm stuck in a hospital when I should be out chasing down the guy who shot me. I'm frustrated at…." She paused, wondering if she really wanted to admit what she was about to say. "I'm frustrated at my dad for telling me to back off."

"That's what you were fighting about?"

Kate nodded. "He told me to give up, that it wasn't worth my life."

"He's right," Castle said tentatively. "It's not. Your mother wouldn't have wanted you to die for her."

"Are you going to tell me to walk away again too?" Kate challenged.

Castle sighed. "I don't know," he said honestly. "I should, but I know you won't, so I'm not sure what to do anymore."

"What do you mean, you should?" Kate asked.

"I promised Montgomery," he admitted. "And your father."

"You….what?" Kate asked in shock. "Castle you ha…."

He held up a hand to stop her. "Let me explain, okay?" When Kate nodded, he began. "Your father came to me, last week. He was worried sick about you, Kate. He asked me to try to get you to back down. He told me that I needed to convince you that your life was worth more than your mother's death. His words, not mine," Castle clarified. "I went to Montgomery the next day, right before I came to your apartment. I was scared for your life, Kate, and I wanted him to take you off the case. He admitted that if you had your mind made up, there was nothing he could do, so he placed that responsibility on me. He told me that I was the only one who could make you stand down. That's why I came to see you that night. That's why I wanted you to walk away."

"Castle, you of all people should know that I'm not going to give up just like that. Did you really think you were going to convince me?" she asked.

"No," he said honestly. "I didn't. But I made a promise, so I had to try. And I'm going to keep trying. Kate, your father wouldn't survive it if you were killed. Montgomery died to save your life."

"I…."

"No, hear me out," Castle interrupted. "Whatever else was said in your apartment that night, I'm still your partner and I'm still going to stand by you, whether I like your decision or not, because that's what partners do. I'm not asking you to make a decision right now, but I am asking you to really think about this….about what this case is truly worth to you. And I want you to think about what your life is worth to the people around you, because I'm willing to bet that it's worth a hell of a lot more to them than you think it is."

Kate wanted to fight back. She wanted to come up with some snappy retort. She hated losing arguments, especially to Castle. But in all honesty, she had nothing to say. There was nothing that she _could_ say, not after that. Because Castle was right, and she knew he was right, but she was not going to admit it. Absolutely not. So she settled on the only option. "Okay," she said softly. "I will."

"Thank you." Kate did not miss the look of relief that crossed Castle's face. He was well aware that this was far from over. He was sure they were going to have this argument many more times in the near future, but for now she had backed down, and that was a start. He was her partner, it was his job to keep her safe, and he fully intended to fulfill that duty.

* * *

><p>After their conversation, Kate eventually drifted back to sleep. Esposito and Lanie came by after a couple of hours, but she was still fast asleep so they said a few soft words to her resting form before promising to be back in the morning. Meanwhile, Castle pulled out his laptop and continued working on his next Nikki Heat novel. The emotions of the last few days were turning out to be very conducive to writing, and while he had no intention of having Nikki get shot, he now had a much better insight into how Jameson Rook would react if anything happened to her. Before he realized it, four hours had passed and he had outlined the better part of five chapters.<p>

Kate had been asleep the whole time, and while Castle desperately wanted her to wake up again-so he could remind himself that she was alive and on the mend-this was the longest uninterrupted sleep she had gotten since waking up from surgery, and he knew that was important to the healing process. She showed no signs of waking anytime soon and he did not want to leave her alone, but at this point, his stomach was screaming for food.

He exited Kate's room and headed down the hall to the small waiting room that had been set aside for the family and friends of Kate and the two patients in the neighboring rooms. It was empty save for one chair in the corner, and Castle was surprised to see that it was Jim Beckett.

"How's she doing?" he asked as he saw Castle approach.

"She's been asleep for a few hours," Castle said. "I figured I'd go grab some food really quickly and try to be back before she wakes again."

"If you don't mind, may I come with you?" Jim asked.

"Of course." Jim stood and the two men made their way downstairs to the hospital cafeteria. It was not the ideal choice but neither one had eaten much in the last three days, so at this point, any type of food sounded pretty good.

"Katie's not going to back down, is she?" Jim asked as they sat down with their meals.

"Probably not."

Jim shook his head. "I tried," he said. "I tried to talk her out of it but she just won't listen."

"I know," Castle agreed. "I did too."

"She's so stubborn….just like her mother," Jim said, and there was an odd quality to his voice that Castle could not quite place.

"I'll keep trying," he promised. "I don't think I'll ever win, but I'll keep trying."

"And if she goes after him again?"

"I'll go with her," Castle replied without hesitation. "I already told her that. Like it or not, I'll be by her side the whole way. She's not going to throw me out this time."

"This time?" Jim was instantly curious.

Castle blanched. He had not meant to bring that up, especially since he had not yet apologized to Kate for the things he had said that night. "We fought," he admitted, deciding it best to skirt around the details. "I tried to get her to back down. I said some things I probably shouldn't have and she told me we were through. But Montgomery…." Castle paused, fighting the words past the lump in his throat, "he called me back to help her, to keep her safe the night he….the night he died. I know she's forgiven me, at least partially, but I never got a chance to apologize before…." He trailed off. The next words did not need to be spoken, as it had been the scariest moment of both of their lives.

"In time, I'm sure she'll forgive you completely," Jim said.

Castle nodded. "I know, I just….the whole ride to the hospital, all I could think about was that our last real conversation was a fight. I never would have forgiven myself." He looked down and shook his head.

"Rick," Jim's voice was soft and Castle raised his head. "You can't think about 'what-ifs.' Trust me. The 'what-ifs' can take over your life. You both made some mistakes, but don't focus on those. Focus on the fact that you've been given a second chance to do things right and take advantage of that."

"I fully intend to," was Castle's earnest reply.

* * *

><p>Dinner ended up taking much longer than Castle had planned, and when he returned to Kate's room, she was awake and talking to Josh. Castle abruptly turned around at the doorway when he registered the doctor's presence, but not before Kate saw him and called him back.<p>

"Castle."

"Yeah?" he tentatively entered the room. There were two nurses there too and he immediately became worried. "Are you okay?" he asked, looking around.

"We're just working on sitting her up a bit," Josh answered, shooting Castle a look that quite clearly said 'so get the hell out of our way,' but he refused to acknowledge it.

"Oh, okay." He reclaimed his seat in the chair by the window and opened up his laptop again, pretending to re-read what he had written earlier while listening in on the conversation and casting furtive glances at Josh and Kate.

After a few minutes, the head of Kate's bed had been raised a bit so that she was no longer lying quite as flat. She could now see out the door without having to lift her head and it also allowed them to rearrange the pillows that were supporting her. Josh explained a couple of things to her regarding what positions she was allowed to lay in, promised that he would be back in a few hours, and gave her a quick kiss before once again slipping out of his girlfriend's room.

"Where did you go?" Kate asked after Josh and the nurses left the room.

"To get something to eat. With your dad," he added.

"He's still here?"

"He hasn't left," Castle responded. "And he's probably not going to."

"Is he still mad?" she asked.

"I don't think so," he said. "He's just concerned about you."

"Oh." Kate debated asking Castle to go find him while part of her was not ready to have the same argument again, which was exactly what was going to happen. She would talk to him in the morning. They sat in silence for a while before Kate spoke up again. "Why are you over there?"

Castle had not moved to the chair next to her bed once Josh left, mainly because it was where he had been sitting just before he kissed Kate. And Castle was not sure he could deal with sitting in the same spot without wanting to do the same, to make her realize that Josh was not the one she should be with. "I…." he started, his eyes focused on Josh's figure, standing just down the hall talking to a colleague.

Kate followed his line of sight. "You don't like Josh," she said bluntly. It was not exactly an answer to her own question, but it was close enough.

Castle was taken aback at her straight-forwardness. "No, I…." he stuttered. "I don't dislike him. I just don't like how he's treating you right now."

Now it was Kate's turn to be shocked. "Wh….what do you mean?"

"Well….I guess if I were him, I wouldn't leave your side. I'd take time off work so I could be here for you."

"You haven't left my side," Kate pointed out.

There was an awkward pause as Castle tried to figure out what to say. It was pretty obvious that Kate had missed the significance of what she had just said, but he was not sure that this was the time to bring it up. Especially since she did not remember what he said to her just before she passed out. That and her boyfriend was only a few feet away. So he settled on a safer option. "You deserve to have someone there for you, Kate, especially in a situation like this, and it annoys me that he's hardly around."

"He's an ER surgeon, Castle," she pointed out, ignoring the voice in her head that was reminding herself of the internal debate she had the previous day about precisely the same thing. "He comes in when he can." She knew it was a feeble attempt, especially since she was talking to the man who had not left the hospital since she arrived, but she was not ready to accept the true meaning behind Castle's actions.

"If the situation were reversed, what would you do?" he challenged.

"I'd probably…." She trailed off. She did not want to go there yet. "Castle, I really just don't want to talk about this right now," she deflected.

He could see the stubbornness in her eyes and knew any further effort would be futile. "Okay." There was silence for a moment before Castle changed the subject. "How's sitting up feeling?"

"Better," Kate answered. "There's less weight on my shoulder blade, which is good."

"How does everything else feel?"

"I'm too doped up to tell," she replied. "But I'm sore and my lungs hurt."

"Maybe you should stop talking for a while," Castle suggested softly.

"Are you telling me to shut up?" It was the first real hint of the sassy Detective Beckett that Castle had seen since the surgery and he laughed in spite of himself.

"Never," he said seriously. "But I don't want you to hurt yourself any more."

"Yeah, I guess." She agreed. He was still sitting all the way across the room and, although she would never admit it, she missed having him sitting next to her, invading her personal space. "Will you at least come over here?" she demanded.

Pushing aside his feelings for the previous occupant of the bedside chair, Castle walked over and sat down, resting his arms on the edge of her bed. Without even hesitating, she reached out and took his hand, intertwining their fingers. "Kate, I…." Castle began as he attempted to remove his hand from her grasp. He wanted nothing more than to hold on and never let go, but Josh was still standing in the hall.

"Castle," she interrupted firmly. "Please?"

He looked up at her and caught the hints of pain and vulnerability in her eyes so he settled his hand back in hers. It was a side of Kate Beckett that he so rarely saw and he realized that regardless of what she had just said about Josh, she needed someone to be here with her. She was tough and she was strong, but she was also in a hospital bed after a narrow escape with death, and no matter how hard she tried, Castle could tell that she was struggling to hold herself together. She could not do it alone. And although it was not really his place, if she wanted him here to hold her hand, then Castle had every intention to do so.

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	4. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: This one is a long one….once I started, it just wouldn't stop. So if you're skipping out on sleep to read this (I know I do that on this site all the time), hopefully it is worth it. To those of you who are wanting Josh gone….patience. Kate's entire life has been upended in the last week. She has a lot going on in her mind and she still on some heavy meds, so she's not really in any state to break up with him right now. But have faith, she will come to her senses soon._

**Chapter 3**

Throughout the next few days, Kate was gradually improving, much to everyone's delight. She had been moved from the ICU to a recovery room, and although she was going to be there for a while still, it was good to know that the she was no longer in critical condition. She was now able to sit up almost all the way and breathing was becoming less painful. Her father spent a few hours with her each day, and although they had both apologized for their argument, it was still the obvious elephant in the room; however, neither of them seemed to be in any hurry to bring it up again. Josh had been coming in more regularly, much to Castle's chagrin….and delight. Well, not delight, exactly, since he wished that Josh was Kate's doctor and nothing more, but he was glad (for Kate's sake) that he was acting more like a loving boyfriend and less like he was too busy to care.

Ryan and Esposito had made a habit of stopping by after their shifts, updating Kate on their newest case and carefully avoiding anything having to do with her mother's case or the as yet unsuccessful hunt for the newest sniper.

Alexis and Martha had been by twice, the first time presenting Kate with a large bouquet of get-well flowers and a giant teddy bear. They stayed and talked for a while and cheered Kate up probably much more than they realized.

Lanie stopped by every morning and she and Kate would spend some quality time together while Castle went to eat breakfast. Castle was glad for this little tradition because even though he had been somewhat successful getting Kate to open up to him, he knew that there were things she was still hiding. Lanie, however, was the one person who could weasel them out of her. She had been the one who ultimately convinced her to apologize to her father. She had also convinced her to lay off of her mother's case while she was recovering, knowing that the stress would not help her in any way. Today's topic of conversation was centered on the man who was currently downstairs drinking coffee and once again chatting with Jim Beckett.

"Seriously, girl, when are you going to stop fighting him?" Lanie asked.

"Lanie…."

"Kate," Lanie interrupted firmly. "You have been in the hospital for seven days and he has not left the building once. He's kept you company, talked to you, listened to you, comforted you, _and_ taken care of your father. Josh has done maybe two of those things."

"Josh saved my life, Lanie," Kate pointed out.

"Yes, and then he walked away to let you heal on your own," Lanie reminded her.

"Castle's my partner," Kate protested. "That's why he's here."

"No, Kate," Lanie said bluntly. "He's here because he can't stand to be anywhere you're not."

"Lanie, I….I don't want to talk about this," Kate dodged.

"Well we're going to," Lanie said determinedly. "Because it's way past time for you to stop making excuses and realize that your _partner_ is completely in love with you."

Kate was silent. She really, _really,_ did not want to talk about this and she certainly had no intention of letting Lanie know that she was right. Because she was. Kate thought about what Castle had said about Josh a few days ago. _I guess if I were him, I wouldn't leave your side._ But Castle was not her boyfriend and yet he had still been here. He had been here almost constantly, even when Kate was asleep. He had spent hours sitting in that chair holding her hand and sleeping with his head resting on the edge of her bed. Josh had been with her for two hours in a row yesterday but other than that, all of his visits had been brief, and in none of them did he ask Kate how she was….how she _really_ was, beyond the obvious physical ailments. And he had certainly done nothing for her father aside from assure him that Kate would make a full recovery. Castle, on the other hand, had taken it upon himself to see that Jim was fed and comfortable and had anything he needed.

"Okay, answer me this, then," Lanie said, breaking Kate out of her thoughts. "Why are you stringing Josh along?"

"I'm not stringing him along!" Kate retorted immediately. "I'm….okay, fine I'm stringing him along."

"Yes, you are," Lanie agreed. "And that's not fair to him."

"He stayed in the country for me, Lanie," she said. "I felt like I owed it to him to give him another chance."

"And maybe you did at first," Lanie said. "But from what I've seen, he's not taking his second chance very seriously."

"He's busy," Kate defended.

"So busy that he can't be bothered to care for his injured girlfriend?"

"He cares," Kate replied immediately.

"I didn't say 'cares,' Kate," Lanie pointed out. "I said 'care for.' They're very different. And if he truly _cared,_ don't you think he'd want to take care of you?"

"Lanie, I don't need someone to take care of me," Kate argued.

"No, you don't," Lanie admitted. "But that doesn't mean that you can't have that. Especially when you have someone who would give up almost anything to have that opportunity."

"Josh saved my life, Lanie," Kate said, changing the subject again. "I owe him."

"You owe him your life, yes," Lanie said. "But you don't owe him your happiness, and I know you're not as happy as you could be."

Kate's mind flashed back to her fight with Castle. _You could be happy, Kate,_ he had said. _You deserve to be happy. But you're afraid._

"That's what Castle said." Kate's voice was almost a whisper now. "He said that I was hiding in this relationship, that I wasn't happy."

"Is he right?" Lanie asked. The answer was obvious, but this was a realization that Kate needed to stumble upon herself.

"I don't know," she said softly.

"Sure you do."

"I love Josh," Kate said. "And he loves me. Why shouldn't I be happy?"

"Josh loves what he knows about you," Lanie pointed out. "But there's a lot he doesn't know. And I don't doubt that you love him, but if you were _in love_ with him, you would trust him enough to tell him about your mother's case. About the real reason you got shot."

Kate sighed, wincing slightly at the pain in her chest. "So what do I do, Lanie?"

"That's for you to figure out, sweetie," Lanie said softly, reaching out and taking her hand. "But I do know one thing, and that is that you were damn lucky and you've been given a second chance, so make the most of it."

* * *

><p>Kate was drifting in and out of sleep later that evening when Josh dropped by. He planted a gentle kiss on her forehead and she opened her eyes sleepily.<p>

"Hey there beautiful," Josh said softly as he sat on the edge of her bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Kate answered honestly.

"Good," he said. "We're going to see if you can start moving around tomorrow."

"Thank goodness," she replied. "I'm sick of just sleeping and eating pudding."

"It's good for you. And sleeping is important for healing."

"I know, I'm just….I want to get out of here. I want my life to go back to normal."

"Well you're going to have a new normal for a couple of months, Kate," Josh said gently. "You're not going to be able to move around very well. You're not going to be able to go back to work right away. You're going to have to just sit around and be lazy."

"I'm going to go crazy," Kate complained. It was no secret that Kate was a work-a-holic, and while part of that was due to her drive and tenacity, part of it was also due to the fact that she simply hated having nothing to do. She would much rather be too busy than bored.

"I'm going to do my best to make sure that doesn't happen," Josh promised.

Considering how little he had done up until now, Kate was confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you're going to need someone to take care of you once you are discharged," Josh explained. "So I figured I'd take a few days off so I can help you out."

"You….I…."

Josh held up his hand. "You're going to need it, Kate. Like I said, there's a lot you're not going to be able to do on your own."

"My dad can help me. And…." She stopped before Castle's name came out of her mouth. She was confused enough as it was, and she was sure that having Castle help her recover was only going to further complicate things. "Besides, doesn't the hospital need you?"

"I can spare a few days," he answered. Kate almost thought she could detect a hint of reluctance in his voice.

Silence fell and while Kate retreated into her thoughts, Josh looked around the room, his eyes landing on the large bouquet of flowers on the table under the window. "Where'd you get the flowers?" he asked curiously.

"Oh, from uh, Castle's, uh, mother and daughter," Kate answered hesitantly.

"Oh, I didn't realize you guys were that close," he said, attempting to sound casual.

"Castle's been my partner for three years," she said defensively. "Of course I've met his family."

"I didn't say 'met,' Kate," Josh said flatly. "I said 'close to.' And it doesn't seem normal."

Castle had always been a sore spot in their relationship, and every time he came up, the conversation did not end well. Usually Kate just passed it off as an annoyance, but now she found that she was angered by Josh's words. Especially given all that Castle had done for her lately.

"Well, the people I _am_ close to didn't bring me any flowers, so at least somebody thought to," she snapped.

Josh abruptly stood and backed away from her bed. "I see," he said calmly.

"No, Josh, I didn't mean…."

"No, Kate, you're tired and arguing isn't going to help your situation. You should get some rest now, okay? We'll talk later." And without another word, he left.

* * *

><p>Ever since her talk with Lanie that morning, Kate's brain had been going a million miles a minute. She was so confused, and it seemed the more she thought about things, the more confused she became. Now, after fighting with Josh, she had even more to think about.<p>

Lanie's words this morning had been dead on. Castle had been there for almost everything so far. Josh had only been there when it was convenient for him. And although Kate had tried to hide it, that fact made her really annoyed, because what good was a boyfriend who was never there when it counted. Now he had offered to take time off to help her, and Kate knew she should be happier about that than she was. But after what Lanie had said, and after everything Castle had done lately, she was not so sure how she should feel. She was glad that he had finally offered to help her, but suddenly it did not seem to be enough. What had he said? _I can spare a few days._ Like it was an inconvenience. Like he didn't really want to help her. And as much as Kate wanted to fight it, she knew she was going to need more than just a few days' worth of help. Still, he had offered and she felt bad for yelling at him right after that, but she was sick of him taking jabs at Castle. It was no secret that Josh did not really like him, but Kate would not put up with him questioning her and her partner's relationship.

_Maybe it's all the pain meds I'm on,_ Kate thought. _They must be making it hard to think straight._ What had her life come to when she was making excuses to herself?

Thankfully, a nurse showed up a few minutes later to check on her and gave her another shot of painkillers which quickly made her sleepy. And while Kate was thankful that after tomorrow she would no longer have to take the heavy duty meds, right now, it was probably the only way to shut her brain off and allow her to sleep.

* * *

><p>As Kate awoke the following morning, she became aware of a thumb absently drawing patterns on the top of her hand. She did not have to look to know that it was Castle. She had finally convinced him to go home for a couple hours last night to be with his family, and she did not recall him coming back, but she was pretty sure he had been there the whole night.<p>

Kate gently ran her own thumb across the back of his and he lifted his head immediately. "Kate?"

She opened her eyes and found him looking at her expectantly. "Hey," she said softly. "How was your night?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" he teased.

Kate internally cringed as memories of her argument with Josh floated back into her head. "Maybe, but I asked you first."

She was gradually regaining more of her spunk and Castle was glad for that. "It was all right," he answered. "I think Alexis was happy to see me away from the hospital. And it was nice to have a real shower."

Kate laughed. "Told you it'd make you feel better."

"Well, I can't believe I'm about to say this, but you were right."

"Wow, you've been inhaling hospital fumes for way too long," Kate teased.

Castle laughed. "Apparently." He paused. "So your night was okay?"

"I slept really well," she admitted. "I don't even remember you coming in. When did you get here?"

"Just after ten," he replied. "You were already out and I didn't want to wake you."

"Yeah, those pain meds knock me out. Plus, after you left things weren't exactly uneventful."

"What happened?"

Kate hesitated, unsure of how much to say. Eventually she decided it was okay to outline the situation. "Josh and I argued."

"I'm sorry, Kate," Castle replied, squeezing her hand. "Are you okay?"

She attempted to shrug but it was still difficult to move her shoulders. "I'm not sure. I'm just….he offered to take time off to help once I got out of here, but the way he said it made it feel like he thinks he should, not that he actually wants to. I mean, I should be happy that he offered, right? And then he was upset about the flowers." She nodded toward the vase.

"Oh, Kate, I didn't mean for them to cause problems between you guys."

"No, it's fine," she said hurriedly. "It was really sweet of your family, I really appreciate it."

"Okay." He hesitated, wondering if he should answer her other question. "As for Josh's offer, I don't really know what to say," he began. Talking about Josh always put Castle in such an uncomfortable position. "I mean, it's good that he's trying to help. But you have other people, too, for when he can't be there. You know your father and Lanie would help you out. And I'm here too, Kate, for anything you need. I hope you know that."

_Damnit,_ Kate thought, _why does he always have to be so sweet?_ And why had Josh not said anything like that yet? Kate sighed. Screw her complicated love life. Pushing her thoughts aside, she smiled at Castle. "I know you are," she said softly. "And I really appreciate that as well."

"So….are you going to take him up on his offer?" Castle asked tentatively.

"I'm not sure," Kate responded. "But I'm not getting out of here for a while, so I have time to decide I guess."

"Yeah, I guess," he agreed. "Do you know when?"

She shook her head. "No. I think it depends on my recovery. But I get to start moving more today apparently."

"That's good," Castle said happily, knowing that meant that she was starting to heal.

"Yeah. I'm not sure what 'moving' entails, though," she admitted.

"Maybe getting you out of bed?"

"I sure as hell hope so. I'm so sick of sitting here." Castle grinned at her and she saw the glint in his eyes. "What?"

"Why do you always think I'm up to something?" he asked, feigning hurt.

"Because you obviously are. What did you do?"

"Well, when I was home last night, I grabbed some stuff that I thought might help keep you from being so bored." He reached down to pick up a bag and began unloading it on the edge of her bed. He pulled out a deck of cards, Uno, Catchphrase, a few DVDs, a couple magazines, and just when she thought he had emptied the bag, a manuscript.

"Is that the new one?" Kate asked, trying-and failing-to hide her excitement.

"Been looking forward to it, have we?" He smirked as he handed it to her.

"Not really," she lied. "Just glad to have something to read."

"Uh huh."

Kate grinned. "You're so easy. But seriously, thanks for bringing all this. I'm sure I'm going to need it."

"Anything for you."

* * *

><p>Kate was about a third of the way through Heat Rises when three nurses entered the room. Castle was seated in his usual chair reading the newspaper and looked up when they came in.<p>

"Good morning, Kate," one of them said.

Kate looked up. "Morning, Sharon."

"How are you feeling today?"

"Better," she answered honestly. The nurses had realized quickly that Kate was used to covering up her pain and regarded her skeptically. However, she did look better today. Much better.

"Excellent," Sharon responded. "Because we were going to see if we couldn't get you up out of bed for a bit."

"Good," Kate replied immediately. She was pretty sure her joints were going to be stuck in a reclined position for the rest of her life if she did not get to move soon.

"Alrighty," Sharon said, stepping up to the edge of Kate's bed. "Now, you're hooked up to a lot of things and your body has been through an extreme shock, so we're going to do this very slowly, okay?" Kate nodded. "I'm going to start by raising your bed a little more to sit you up all the way. If anything, _anything_ hurts, you need to tell us immediately." Sharon fixed her with a stern expression, the kind Kate used on suspects.

She nodded again. "Okay."

"And try to keep your left arm relatively immobile still. Your shoulder is not going to want to work until those muscles heal."

Once she was sitting up all the way, one of the other nurses pulled the sheets down, uncovering Kate's legs. She was dressed in just a hospital gown, and while Castle normally would have enjoyed the opportunity to admire her long legs, right now his eyes were focused on her face, searching for signs of pain. She had grasped his hand again as she was being moved, but so far she seemed to be doing alright.

Once Kate was situated in her now completely upright position, Sharon turned to Castle. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to stand. We may need that chair," she said, gesturing to the seat he was currently occupying.

"Oh, of course." He stood and pushed the chair away, never letting go of Kate's hand.

"Okay," Sharon said, returning her attention to Kate. "Now, very slowly, we're going to help you turn so that your legs are hanging off the edge of the bed, alright?"

"Okay."

Gingerly, Kate shifted her weight as the three nurses helped her turn. One had her hand across Kate's lower back, one was grasping her legs at the back of her knees, and Sharon was in front of her, holding her hips. After about thirty seconds, Kate was seated at the edge of the bed and the nurses slowly let go.

Kate flinched immediately as she realized that she no longer had anything supporting her back. Sharon reached for her instantly. "What hurts?"

Kate shook her head. "It's fine, I just forgot that I didn't have anything to lean on."

"Does it hurt?" Sharon asked.

"A bit," Kate admitted.

"Where?"

"My ribs. But it was just a jab of pain, it's better now. I think I just needed to get used to it."

Sharon nodded. "Okay. Just sit there for a bit. We've got to monitor your blood pressure for a couple minutes and then if it stays high enough we'll see if we can get you standing."

As the nurses stepped out of the way, Castle moved to stand in front of her. "You really doing okay?" he asked, concerned.

Kate squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Yeah." She looked down. "It's nice to have something solid under my feet."

When the nurses returned to Kate's side a minute later, Castle reluctantly released her hand and stepped out of the way. "Okay," Sharon began. "One of us is going to be on either side of you and I'm going to be on the bed behind you just in case, alright? Let us move your upper body, you just use your legs."

"Okay."

"Ready?"

"Yes." The nurses on either side of her bent down to wrap an arm around her hips and gently guided her upper body as she placed her weight on her feet for the first time in a week. She was unsteady at first and reached out with her good arm for the first thing she could find, which happened to be Castle's arm. He caught her and steadied her, grabbing onto her arm as well and placing his other hand gently under the elbow of her left arm. Sharon was steadying her from behind and once she regained her balance, all three nurses let go but remained there to catch her, just in case.

Josh arrived then, fully intending to apologize to Kate, but stopped in the doorway when he saw what was going on. Kate was standing up, holding on to Castle like her life depended on it, and he was just standing there, being her support. It was at that moment that Josh realized just how little he had done for his girlfriend since she had woken from surgery. He also knew without a doubt that if he did not apologize this morning, he was going to lose her. Kate was holding Castle's eyes and the connection between them was obvious. Maybe he was already too late.

"How's it feeling?" Sharon asked, interrupting the moment between the partners.

"A little wobbly," Kate admitted.

"Okay, let's not try to walk then. As long as you keep holding on to him, you can stand for a little longer if you'd like."

Kate nodded and looked back at Castle. "I've got you," he said softly.

"Thank you."

Just when Josh thought things could not possibly get any worse for him, Castle took a tentative step closer to Kate. "Can I….can I give you a hug? I haven't been able to since….you know….and I just need to know that you're really okay."

Kate smiled at his nervousness. She would never admit it, but she found it absolutely adorable. "Yeah. Just….low….not around my shoulders. And don't squeeze too hard."

Making sure that she was not going to lose her balance again, Castle gently slid his arms around her waist. She snaked her good arm around him and leaned her head against his chest. He held her loosely, careful not to put any pressure on her injuries, and ran his hands gently up and down her lower back. "I'm so glad you're okay," he said in a low voice.

"I've been okay for a few days now," Kate pointed out.

"Yeah, but this way….now that I can actually hug you it feels more real."

"I guess," Kate agreed.

"Thank you," Castle whispered.

Kate pulled away to look up at him and he released her slightly, keeping his hands on her waist to steady her. "For what?"

"Letting me do this," he answered sincerely.

Kate smiled at him and was about to reply when she wobbled slightly. Castle tightened his grip and the nurses were reaching for her immediately. "Looks like it's time to get you back to bed," Sharon said. Castle moved his grip back to Kate's arms while the nurses once again supported her hips and sat her back on the edge of her bed.

It took a couple more minutes, but soon Kate was settled back in the middle of her bed with the sheets pulled up around her. "Do you want to stay sitting up for now?" Sharon asked, motioning to Kate's bed.

"Yeah, for a while," Kate said.

"Okay." Sharon bent down and retrieved the controller from the floor. "Since you're well enough to sit all the way up now, I'm going to give you this. You can adjust the bed as needed, but make sure your upper body is always at least partly elevated." She showed Kate how to work it and then took a step back. "How's the pain? Did standing make it worse?"

Kate shook her head. "No. It hurt when I lost my balance, but it's fine now."

"Okay, well if you're up to it, perhaps we can try again tonight. For now, try to get some more rest. I'll be back in an hour to check on you."

As the nurses left, Castle became aware of a tall figure leaning against the doorframe. He looked up and saw Josh and knew that he and Kate had some things to talk about. He had not eaten breakfast yet, so he decided now would be a good time to do so.

"You've got someone here to see you," he said softly to Kate. "I'm going to go grab some food. I'll be back in a while, okay?"

She nodded. Castle released her hand and stood, heading for the door. "Castle?" she said softly. He turned. "Thank you."

He smiled at her sincerely and butterflies erupted in her stomach even before he spoke the word. "Always."

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	5. Chapter 4

_Author's Note: Please don't kill me! That's really all I have to say. _

**Chapter 4 **

"Hey," Josh said softly as he entered her room.

"Hey."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better," she said. "I got to stand up finally."

"I know. Did it hurt?"

She shook her head. "Not really."

"That's good." Up until this point, he had been standing somewhat awkwardly by the foot of her bed but now he moved to sit down in the chair. "Listen, Kate, I'm sorry," he blurted. "I'm sorry I haven't been here more for you. I know you're in pain and I know you're probably bored out of your mind, and I should have been here to help you."

Kate hesitated. She could just say it was okay and put a quick end to this conversation. Or she could deal with the real issue. "It makes me feel like you don't care, Josh," she admitted, deciding to be honest with him.

"I do care," he assured her. "I care about you a lot. But you have a dangerous job and I think this was the first time that the full implications of that hit me. I was scared, Kate. I don't think you realize just how close you came. And I thought that if I stayed busy, it would help me deal with this. But I was selfish, and I didn't think about how that would affect you. So I'm sorry for that, and I'm going to try to be here more now, okay?"

Kate was silent a moment as she took in what he said. As hurt as she was, she understood his decision. It was the same thing she did when something bad happened; throwing herself into her work to avoid the real problem. Kate did not know what else to do, so she nodded. "Okay."

"Kate?"

"What?"

"Is it really okay or are you just saying that?" Josh asked bluntly.

"I'm….no, I get it, Josh," she said. "I do the same thing when something happens that I don't want to deal with."

"Yeah, but are we okay now?"

Kate looked at him, sitting in what she had come to consider Castle's chair, and thought back to their argument yesterday. "I don't know," she said honestly.

"Are you mad because I haven't been here more?" Josh asked. "Or are you mad because of something else?"

Kate took a deep breath. She did not know where this conversation was headed, but she was not sure the outcome was going to be good. "I'm mad at what you said about Castle."

Josh stiffened. "What did I say?"

"When you noticed the flowers," Kate said. "I don't like you implying that he and I are more than partners. You don't trust me around him."

"Well," he said, "what about what was happening five minutes ago?"

"What do you mean?"

"He was holding onto you, Kate. He was hugging you."

"I'm not allowed to hug my partner?" Kate snapped.

"I'm not forbidding you from that," Josh attempted to backtrack quickly. "But what about me?"

"I could say the same thing about the last week," Kate retorted. "Where were you when I needed you?"

"Kate, I just apologized for that," Josh said angrily.

"I know you did, but I'm just saying, Castle happened to be there and I needed something to grab on to so I grabbed his arm."

"And then hugged him for support?" Josh asked sarcastically.

"He hugged me because I almost died in his arms and he needed it, okay?" Kate said, annoyed that she was having to defend an innocent hug.

"Okay, look, I'm sorry for doubting you," Josh said. "I just….I've seen you guys together. And then after seeing you guys just now, I feel like I'm losing you to him."

Kate was silent a little too long for her answer to be entirely believable. "You're not."

"But I am," Josh said softly. His anger was no longer directed at Kate, but at himself. "I haven't been here and he has. I've practically pushed you into his arms."

Kate sighed. "Josh..."

He shook his head. "I feel like such an idiot. You're the best thing that's happened to me in a long time and I'm pushing you away." She was silent. "Kate." Josh's voice was pleading as he gently took her hand. "Say something. Because I don't know what to do here. I don't know what you want me to do. But I'd really like it if you gave me a chance to make it up to you."

Kate thought back to her conversation with Lanie. She thought about the things that Castle had said about Josh since she had been here. She thought about how much Castle had done for her and how little effort Josh had made. She thought about how he had stayed in the country for her and how he had done the surgery that saved her life. Although she knew that she was stringing him along, she was not ready to deal with the implications of letting go of him yet. He was safe. He allowed her to hide, just like Castle had accused her of. And he gave her an excuse to avoid dealing with her feelings towards her partner. So it was against her better judgment that Kate spoke her next word. "Okay."

* * *

><p>No sooner had Josh left than Lanie poked her head in. "Hey girl," she said cheerfully.<p>

Kate forced a smile. "Hey."

"I just passed Josh," Lanie said as she sat down on the edge of Kate's bed. "He looked upset. Did you guys…?"

Kate looked away, ashamed. She knew she was in for a verbal beating from Lanie. Hell, she was already beating herself up. She knew she should have broken up with Josh just now. She knew she should not have given him yet another chance. She was keeping him here so that she could avoid her own feelings and it was not fair to him. Or to Castle. Or to herself.

"Kate…." Lanie began.

"Don't!"

"What happened?"

Kate took a deep breath before launching into the story of her argument with Josh and his apology. She was fully expecting Lanie to jump down her throat as soon as she finished so she was surprised when the room fell silent. "I'm a coward," Kate muttered under her breath.

"What?"

"I'm a coward," Kate repeated. "And I'm selfish. I gave Josh another chance because I'm too scared to face my feelings."

"I feel like I should be yelling at you right now but I'm not really sure what to say," Lanie admitted.

Kate shook her head. "I'm so messed up, Lanie."

"No you're not," Lanie assured her. "You've been through a lot lately. You're stressed and I don't blame you for not wanting to add more feelings to the list. But you're going to have to deal with it soon."

"I know," Kate admitted. "Maybe once I'm out of the hospital and don't have to see him every day I'll be able to deal with it."

"So you're not going to stay at his place to recover?" Lanie asked gently.

Kate shook her head. In all honesty, she had never seriously considered his offer. "No."

* * *

><p>Throughout the next week, Kate continued to improve. She still had the breathing tube and the chest tube in-her lung was not yet fully healed-but they had removed the IV and the catheter. She was sleeping less and was able to eat almost full meals. She still needed help getting up out of bed, but once she was on her feet, she was able to walk around the room without holding on to anything. However, they had weaned her off of the heavy pain meds, which had greatly increased her level of discomfort.<p>

True to his word, Josh had been spending more time with her, which also meant that Castle had been spending less. Sometimes he would stay in the room and bury himself in his writing, but for the most part, it was too difficult to watch her with Josh. Instead, he would retreat to the waiting room to or run home to shower and change clothes.

Alexis had headed off to a music camp two days ago. It had been hard for her to leave with Kate in the hospital but she assured the teen that she would be alright and that she should go to the camp. Castle promised to call her with daily updates on Kate and so far, it sounded like Alexis was having a fabulous time.

Aside from when Josh was there, Castle was still basically living in Kate's hospital room, and she had to admit, she enjoyed his presence. He made her laugh, he played cards with her, and just yesterday he had even asked her for input on a scene for his next novel. He was there to take care of her however he could; he would bring her food, help her move around, and help her relax when the pain became too much.

At the moment, however, Kate wanted to punch him. She appreciated his willingness to help, but right now she just wanted him to let go of her. She tried to tug her arm out of his grasp but he would not budge. "Castle, seriously, let me go," she exclaimed. "I don't need your help."

"The nurses told you not to go anywhere without someone next to you just in case."

"Next to me. Not holding on to me," she said sharply. "Now let go."

Castle was not going to back down on this one. Her stubbornness was only going to hurt her more at this point. "Look, Kate, I know you pride yourself on your independence. And it's one of the things I love about you, but right now, you need to stop fighting this. Your body needs to heal and the less you beat it up, the faster that will happen."

"But the doctors said I..."

"I know, the doctors said you need to push yourself, and you do, to a certain extent," he interrupted. "But they meant that you need to do what you can by yourself rather than have somebody wait on you, not that you need to try to do what your body is still not ready for. That's why I'm here, so just let me help you for now and you'll be back to normal much quicker."

"Really, though, you have to have better things to do," Kate pointed out. It was a lame attempt but she had to try.

"At the moment, I don't," he said honestly. "Alexis is going to be gone for the next month and I've been getting some writing done while you're asleep."

"But..."

"You are not a burden to me, Katherine Beckett, so don't even say it. You will never be a burden. I'm here because there's no place I'd rather be."

Kate found it hard to fight him when he said things like that, especially in her current state, so she gave in. "Fine, I don't have the energy to argue, but will you please just let me go to the bathroom by myself? It's like fifteen feet from here."

"Okay, here's the deal," he said, still refusing to let go of her arm. "I'll let you walk over there and I won't touch you. But you have to be completely honest with me about how much it hurts."

"Whatever."

"Kate," he said firmly. "I mean it."

"Okay, fine, I will. Now will you let me go?"

Castle tentatively let go of her arm and only when he was sure she was steady did he take a step back, allowing her to move. Kate slowly made her way to the bathroom, Castle walking beside her, within an arms' reach just in case.

Kate was about to say 'I told you so' when she reached for the door and pain shot through her chest. She gasped and Castle quickly grabbed her waist to steady her.

"You okay?" Kate could only shake her head. "What hurts?"

She took a calming breath before she spoke. "My chest. I tried to pull the door open."

"I know," Castle said gently. He was still holding her and she was staring at the ground, attempting to fight back the pain. "Kate?" when she did not reply he place two fingers under her chin and tilted it up to meet her eyes. She tried to blink back her tears but was not fast enough and a couple trickled down her cheek.

Kate fully expected him to now take the opportunity to say 'I told you so' and was surprised when he did not. He trailed his fingers from under her chin up to her cheek and gently wiped away her tears. He wrapped his arm gently around her waist, his other hand sliding to the back of her head, and he gently pulled her to him. Her injured left arm was trapped between them but she slipped her right arm around him, careful not to hurt herself again.

Kate wanted to fight it. She wanted to stop the tears from falling. She wanted to push the pain away. She wanted to not feel so loved and cared for in Castle's arms. But she could not, because every time he offered silent support like this, she was completely helpless. The pain was still there, shooting through her chest like a knife, but here, enveloped in Castle's arms, Kate felt herself relax. Her breathing slowed, the tears stopped, and she stood there, wrapped in Castle's embrace, wondering why she was still fighting this. Why she was fighting _them._

"You going to be okay?" he said softly, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, yeah I think so," Kate replied, hoping she did not sound as flustered as she felt.

"Can you….go now? Or do you want me to….call someone?" he asked awkwardly.

"No, I'm fine."

Castle saw the steely determination in her eyes and knew it was useless to argue, so instead he did the only thing he could do-be there for her. "Okay," he said as he pulled open the door for her. "But if you need anything, I'll be right here, just yell."

"Thanks."

When she emerged a few minutes later, she brushed past Castle, not even bothering to look up at him, and he knew right away that something was wrong.

"Hey!" He reached out and loosely snagged her wrist before she could go any farther. "Kate?" No response. "Kate, look at me." She reluctantly lifted her head and the concern she read on Castle's face was almost enough to make her look away again.

Her eyes were red and moist and Castle could tell instantly that she had broken down again in the bathroom. A few tears were still threatening to escape and after a moment, she glanced down at her feet. Castle decided it best to stay quiet for now and silently helped her back into bed. Once she was settled, he sat down on the edge of her bed and took her hand.

"Kate," he said gently. "I need you to be completely honest with me. How badly does it hurt?" She shook her head in an effort to avoid this conversation. She was not in that much pain anymore but it seemed to be the catalyst that was causing all of her other emotions to rise to the surface. Castle was not to be deterred, however, and he once again lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Please?"

The pleading, broken tone of his voice shattered the last of Kate's resolve and all of the tears she had been holding back suddenly spilled over. Castle scooted over so that he was next to her, on her uninjured side, and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her to him. Kate automatically buried her face in his shoulder and he held her even tighter. His other hand found hers and he intertwined their fingers, squeezing gently in what had kind of become their gesture of support ever since she had been in the hospital.

After a few minutes, Kate lifted her head, sniffing and wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Sorry," she mumbled, embarrassed. She rarely lost her composure like this and she was fighting hard to keep from letting herself go any further. She hated when people saw her cry.

"Don't apologize," Castle said softly. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I'm a grown woman and I'm sitting here blubbering like a baby," Kate snorted.

"No, you are not," Castle said firmly. "Everyone has their breaking point, and with what you've been through in the last few weeks, I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner."

"So what, you were counting down the days until I had a breakdown?" Kate asked angrily.

"No. I meant that I figured that this was going to happen at some point and I wanted to be here to help you through it," Castle replied.

"Oh." She felt bad for jumping down his throat; he was just trying to help, after all. After a few moments, she scooted away from him a bit and attempted to settle herself back in the center of her bed. Castle wished she had not moved and he stayed seated on the bed so that he could still be close to her even if she no longer wanted to be held.

Once she was situated, he tentatively spoke up. "Feeling better?"

Kate almost laughed. At the moment, she was feeling anything but better. She had not cried nearly enough to feel better. And now that she was trying so hard to hold back her tears, she felt even worse. "I feel pathetic."

"Why?"

"Because I'm stuck in a hospital bed and I'm crying. I'm a detective, I'm supposed to be out on the streets catching killers, not practically immobilized and unable to open a freaking door."

"You're not pathetic," Castle assured her. "And in a couple months you will be back to kicking butt in the interrogation room and chasing down killers. But in the meantime, you need to heal, both physically and mentally, and if crying helps, then just let it all out."

Kate shook her head. In all honesty, she wanted nothing more than to curl up and cry all the tears that had been building up since the day Lockwood escaped, but she had already broken down in front of Castle twice-in the hangar and again just now-and she was scared to lose control in front of him again. Kate Beckett, tough detective, was his inspiration and she was pretty sure that the broken Kate that hid behind her would only serve to chase him away.

To Castle, it was clear that she was holding back. It was evident in the lines of her face, the tension that was radiating off of her body. He knew that her mini-breakdown was just the tip of the iceberg. He also knew that if he could not coax it out of her now, she would wait until he was asleep, and the thought of her crying, alone, in the dark, was not something that he was fond of.

Before he lost his nerve, Castle once again scooted closer to her and tried one last time. "Kate, how long have we known each other?" he asked.

She had no idea where this was going but answered him anyways. "Three years."

Almost as though he had read her mind, he continued. "Exactly. And if I was going to judge you, I would have done it a long time ago, all right? I'm not going to think less of you because you're frustrated about this case or missing Montgomery….or your mother. And especially not because you're in a lot of pain, which I know you are. As much as I love watching you be a badass detective, you're only human, Kate, and it's okay to feel, it's okay to hurt, it's okay to cry." He saw the fight leaving her eyes and knew that he had almost broken back through her walls. "Just let it out," he said softly, reaching out and wrapping an arm around her as a new wave of tears began to fall. "Just let it out."

That seemed to have done the trick because the next thing Castle knew, Kate had her face buried in his neck, trembling as the sobs wracked her body. Three weeks of bottled up frustration, anger and sadness boiled over as Kate let go, truly let go, for the first time in a very long time.

Instinctively, Castle picked up her legs and draped them over his lap, turning her so that she could lean into his chest without hurting herself. With her good arm, she reached out and fisted his shirt, silently begging him not to let go. His arm stayed around her lower back and his other hand cradled her head to his chest, gently running his fingers through her hair.

Kate had no idea how Castle always seemed to know exactly what she needed or how he could determine exactly what she was thinking. At times, it annoyed her to no end that her normally unreadable poker face was useless when it came to him; he could always see right through her. But at the moment, as she sat practically on his lap, wrapped up in his arms, she was thankful for his perceptiveness. She had cried in front of Lanie before and she had even cried in front of Josh, but no one, aside from her mother, had ever held her like this. She smiled through her tears as she realized just how well Castle knew her, how he did not even have to ask to know what she needed. And for the first time, Kate realized how truly special she and Castle's bond was. Nobody had ever been able to understand her like he could, and while it used to be terrifying that she could not hide from him, she was beginning to realize that maybe, just maybe, she really did not want to.

* * *

><p><em>Author's Note Part 2: I had one reviewer address this after the previous chapter and I'm sure it's going to come up again her, so let me clarify...it is not my intention to make Kate seem stupid or ungrateful or blind to what is right in front of her. She is well aware of her feelings for Castle, but like he said in their fight, she's afraid and she hides. Castle has the power to hurt her more than anyone else probably ever has and after being betrayed by both Montgomery and Royce, she can't open herself up yet. So she hangs on to Josh and finds any reason to keep him there because as soon as he is gone, Castle will step in and she can't handle that right now. I know it can be frustrating to read-and to watch on the show-but it's part of who she is. I promise, she will get there.<em>


	6. Chapter 5

_Author's Note: First off, I apologize for taking so long to post this...finals and graduation got consumed most of last week. However, I'm now done with school and will have more time to write! Second, I have a scene in this chapter that is something that has not been addressed in any of the fics I've read. I feel like it's a realistic conflict but I'm not entirely sure about it...let me know what you think._

**Chapter 5**

"So how's music camp?" Kate asked into the phone the following morning. Castle had stepped out to get coffee but when Kate had seen that it was Alexis calling, she decided to go ahead and answer his phone.

Embarrassingly, she had cried herself to sleep in Castle's arms the previous night. When she woke at three a.m., her chest and back throbbing from her awkward position, she immediately attempted to remove herself from his arms. Her fidgeting woke Castle, who silently helped her reposition before slipping off the bed and reclaiming his normal spot in his chair. No words needed to be spoken.

"It's really fun," Alexis enthused. "And the teachers here are really talented."

"That's awesome," Kate said. "I'm glad you decided to go."

"Me too. How are you feeling?" Alexis asked.

"Better," Kate answered honestly. Although her eyes were still puffy and red from last night, she felt much more relaxed after her breakdown. "I'm still in pain but I can walk now."

"That's good! How's my dad? He's not driving you crazy, is he?"

Kate smiled. "No, he's been very sweet."

"I'm glad." She paused, debating whether to continue. "He was pretty shaken up, you know."

"I know."

Alexis could have said more but she could sense that Kate really did not want to talk about it and decided to save it for later.

At that moment, Castle reappeared with two cups of coffee and a muffin. "Oh, hey your dad is here now, you wanna talk to him?" Kate asked.

"Oh, sure! Thanks Detective Beckett. And feel better!"

"I will, thanks Alexis. Here he is." Kate handed the phone to Castle with a smile and took the latte he offered her.

"Hey sweetie." Kate sipped her coffee and listened with interest. She loved the fatherly side of Castle and felt honored to be able to witness him interacting with his daughter. After a couple minutes, he hung up and turned around to see Kate smiling. "You answered my phone."

"Well that way she wouldn't have to call you back. Plus, she wanted to know how I was doing."

Castle smiled. "Well, I'm glad you did." Kate was still smiling at him and he could not figure out why. "What?"

Kate almost jumped as he snapped her out of her thoughts. "Nothing, I just….you're really good with her," she stammered, realizing she had been caught. Even from the beginning, she had always had a soft spot for Castle when he was in father mode.

"I'm still not sure how she turned out like she did," Castle said.

"Neither am I," Kate teased.

"Hey now!" He lightly slapped her arm and they both laughed.

They lapsed into silence and Kate held up her coffee. "Thanks for this, by the way."

"No problem. How is it?"

"Delicious. I'm so sick of hospital food." Kate made a face.

"Not too much longer and you'll be out of here and you can eat real food."

"That can_not_ come soon enough."

"Did they give you a date yet?" Castle asked.

She shook her head. "Not an exact day, but probably in another week or so, once they take my chest tube out. And I have to be able to get out of bed by myself and walk down the hallway."

"You're getting there." Castle hesitated before broaching the subject he had been wanting to bring up for a while. He knew he was in for a fight but now seemed as good a time as any. "Um….where are you staying? When you get out, I mean?"

"I don't know," Kate answered. "My dad offered but he really can't take that much time off work. Same with Lanie." She paused, not wanting to see his reaction to her next words. "Josh offered too."

As predicted, Castle stiffened. "Oh, of course, it makes sense that you would stay with him."

Kate immediately felt bad. Castle had gone above and beyond to care for her since she had been in the hospital while Josh had done next to nothing. "I haven't agreed to anything," she clarified.

"What?" Castle was taken by surprise.

"I haven't agreed to it," she repeated. "He only offered to take off a few days and I just…." She trailed off. She was not about to discuss her disastrous relationship with Castle.

"Well, it's completely up to you, but you're more than welcome at the loft. I can be there and my mother and Alexis can help you with….getting dressed and that kind of stuff."

Kate had thoroughly expected this, but she was not prepared for her reaction now that the moment was here. She was touched, of course, that Castle would willingly set aside his life to care for her. Part of her wanted to grab him and hug him and never let him go. The other part of her wanted to smack him for always being so sweet and caring and uncovering all of these confusing feelings in her. Pushing all of those feelings aside for the time being, she offered a smile. "Thanks, Castle, that's a really sweet offer." And although she would not admit it, she was already considering accepting.

* * *

><p>For Castle, there was something comforting about once again buying two coffees every morning. What had started out as simply a nice gesture had turned into their own little form of communication and caring. A morning with two coffees meant a day spent with Kate and now it also meant that she was recovering.<p>

As far as the doctors were concerned, it had been a successful rest of the week for her. She was now able to walk the length of the hallway without assistance. They had removed her breathing tube two days ago and while it had been difficult and painful at first, she was now comfortably breathing on her own. They had also removed her stitches the previous day. The only thing that remained was getting out of bed on her own and removing the chest tube. Once those were accomplished, she would be discharged for the rest of her recovery.

She had still not accepted Castle's offer to stay at the loft but she had not declined it either and Castle was optimistic. As he rounded the corner just outside her room, however, he almost walked into the one man who was standing in the way of Kate's decision.

"Josh, hey," Castle said awkwardly, taking a step back.

"Hey." At first, Josh had at least made an attempt to be friendly to Castle even though it was clear that the men did not like each other. Recently, however, he had become much more disdainful towards the writer.

"How's Kate?" Castle asked, knowing that Josh had just left her room.

"You were with her all night, shouldn't you know that?" Josh asked, not attempting to hide his irritation.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Castle challenged.

"I'm just wondering how you can spend so much time with her and not know how she's doing."

Ignoring the fact that Josh had completely missed the point of Castle's question, he changed the subject. "Are you upset?"

"At the man who's been hogging my girlfriend? What was your first clue?" Josh snapped.

"Hogging her? I haven't been hogging her!" Castle exclaimed.

"You've been by her side twenty-four seven since she got here," Josh said accusingly.

"She's my partner, where did you expect me to be?" Castle refused to step aside without a fight this time. It was high time that Josh realized that Kate deserved so much more than she was getting from him.

"Don't you have a family?"

"That's really none of your concern, but if you must know, my daughter is out of town right now."

"So you have nothing better to do than sit there and try to take my place?" Josh said rudely.

Castle almost laughed. "Take your place? You haven't even been there. You didn't leave a place to be taken."

"You didn't really leave a place for me."

Castle snorted. "Every time you came in to her room I backed out of the way. _Every time._ So don't act like it's my fault that you haven't been there for her."

"Yes, well not all of us have the luxury of not working for a month," Josh said angrily.

"You're a cardiac surgeon," Castle said. "You can't for one minute convince me that you can't afford to take time off to be with her. You chose to keep working."

"Well it was pretty clear I didn't have a place in her recovery."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Castle asked again.

"Every time she needed something, you were there. You helped her stand, you helped her move, you bring her coffee, you fell asleep in her bed."

Castle tensed. He did not realize Josh had been in that night. "Well, she needed help and you weren't there," he pointed out, attempting to remain calm. "And as far as falling asleep in her bed goes, she had a breakdown and needed a shoulder to cry on….which you would know, if you'd been there like you promised."

"You could have called me," Josh suggested angrily.

"You were in surgery," Castle shot back. "And I wasn't going to let her cry herself to sleep all alone. You should be thanking me for taking care of her, not hating me for it."

Josh snorted. "It's always about you, isn't it? About you getting what you think you're entitled to?"

"No," Castle said calmly. "This has nothing to do with me. This has to do with Kate being treated the way she deserves." Without another word, he brushed past Josh and headed in to Kate's room.

Kate looked up when he walked in. "Hey," she said, attempting to sound unaffected by what she had just overheard.

"Hey." He handed her a coffee but instead of sitting down, he walked over to stand by the window.

"You okay?" Kate asked tentatively.

Castle shook his head. "Just give me a minute, okay?"

"Rick." He turned immediately. The use of his first name always caught him off guard. "It's okay, I heard what just happened."

Castle cringed. "You heard that? I'm sorry, I…."

"Talk to me," she interrupted.

"No, Kate, I didn't mean for that to happen and I'm sorry you had to hear it," he apologized quickly.

Kate shook her head. "No, it's okay. I'm actually kind of glad I did."

"You are?" Castle was taken aback.

She nodded. "It's nice to know someone cares."

Castle could tell that was a loaded sentence but after his argument he was not in the right frame of mind to discuss it so he added it to the list of conversations to be had at a later date. They lapsed into companionable silence, broken only by the arrival of a crew of nurses ten minutes later.

"You're looking much better today," Sharon said by way of greeting.

"I feel a lot better," Kate admitted.

"Wonderful," Sharon replied. "If you're up to it, we can go for a little walk around."

Kate set down her coffee. "That sounds good. I need to use the bathroom anyways."

"Perfect. Go ahead and scoot to the edge of the bed and we'll see if we can't get you to stand up on your own." It was still a slow and ungraceful process but Kate was able to position herself on the edge of the bed with only a small amount of pain. Once she was there, Sharon spoke again. "Okay, think you can stand up or would you like some help?"

Kate had almost managed it by herself yesterday and was pretty sure that she could do it. "I'll try it on my own again."

"Okay." Sharon turned to Castle. "Rick, do you want to stand there again just in case? Remember, don't grab on to her, let her grab on to you if she needs it." Castle obliged and once he was standing firmly in front of Kate with his arms extended, Sharon gave Kate the okay.

It took Kate a moment to catch her balance but after a few seconds, she was standing on her own, sharing a huge smile with Castle. She could now check one more thing off the list. She was almost cleared to go home!

"Excellent, did that hurt at all?" Sharon asked as she jotted down some notes on Kate's medical charts.

"Just the normal dull ache but nothing more," Kate replied happily.

"Wonderful." That seemed to be one of Sharon's favorite words. "All right, go ahead and use the restroom and then we'll go for our walk."

Castle opted to stay behind this time. He could use some space and he figured Kate could too. He was still reeling from his fight with Josh and knew that in his current mental state, he was liable to say something wrong. So he sat down in his normal chair and pulled out his laptop. After all, writing was always the best escape.

* * *

><p>Josh was a proud man, and for the most part, he had reason to be. He was the top cardiac surgeon at the hospital. He saved lives almost daily. He travelled the world helping impoverished children. He owned a nice motorcycle and had a pretty decent apartment in Manhattan. And for the last nine months, he had been dating a wonderful woman. However, he was not so proud that he could not acknowledge when he had done wrong. This was one of those cases. Josh had messed up. He knew it. Kate knew it. Castle knew it. Kate had been kind enough to give him not just a second, but a <em>third<em> chance and he had blown it. He had promised to spend more time with her, but without taking time off of work, that just had not been possible. The hospital had needed him, but so had Kate and he realized in retrospect that he had his priorities completely backwards. And if he had not already realized it, his argument with Castle three days ago had driven it home. It was time to step aside. Kate deserved someone who could be there for her and as much as Josh despised Castle, it was obvious that he was head over heels in love with her and could give her everything she deserved and then some. And although Josh wished it could have been him, at least he knew he was leaving her in good hands.

He hated that it had come to this. He hated that he had hurt her. He hated himself for not trying harder. But their time had come to an end. She was being discharged soon and this needed to be taken care of. Taking a deep breath, he entered her room for what would probably be the last time.

"Hey," he said as he walked in. He glanced around and was pleased to see that they were alone.

"Hey," she said softly. He could almost detect a wistful tone in her voice and wondered if she knew what was coming.

He sat down on the edge of her bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Excited to finally get out of here," Kate said happily. It was the first true smile he had seen from her in a while and it pained him to know that what he was about to do would wash away that happiness.

Silence fell and Josh knew that this was the time. This was it. He took a deep breath before beginning. "This isn't working, is it?" he asked, gesturing between the two of them.

"No, I guess it's not," Kate said, her smile evaporating. "I just..."

"I still haven't really been here," Josh said flatly. "I've tried but it's not enough. I'm not here and he is."

"This has nothing to do with Castle," Kate lied.

"Of course it does," Josh said. "He's hasn't left the hospital for more than an hour a day since you've been here. And I just can't do that. I don't have the time. My job isn't as flexible."

Kate silenced the voice in her head that was saying _well, you could have taken time off, you didn't have to work through all of this._ Sure, he had offered to help her once she was home, but in the meantime, he had maintained a full schedule. He was a cardiac surgeon, he made quite a bit of money-enough that he certainly could have taken this time off to care for his girlfriend while she was in the hospital. The fact that he chose not to showed how dedicated to this relationship he really was _not_. But Kate could tell where this conversation was going and she really did not want things to end badly between them. Josh was still a good guy, after all, so she kept her mouth shut.

"He loves you, you know," Josh said gently, breaking her out of her inner turmoil.

"I know," Kate admitted, figuring that honesty was the best policy at this point. "He told me. Right before I passed out." She had not shared that information with anyone else, because talking about it would lead her to think about the implications of Castle's words, and she was definitely not ready for that.

"Let him take care of you," Josh said. "He's willing to be there for you and you're going to need it while you recover."

"He offered to let me stay with him," she said.

"Are you going to?"

"I don't know. I was going to ask you how you felt about it, but I guess that doesn't really matter now."

"No, it doesn't," Josh said sadly. "But for what my opinion is worth at this point, I think you should. You can relax and have space to move around and if what I've seen of his family is any indication, you'll have someone there for you at all times."

Kate nodded. "Okay."

"I'm sorry," Josh said after a moment. "I'm sorry I couldn't make this work. I'm sorry I haven't been here as much as I should have been."

"It's not your fault, Josh," Kate assured him. "This is your job, it's your passion, and I could never ask you to give that up for me, just like I could never give up being a cop."

"Even after this?" Josh asked.

Kate sighed, realizing one more thing that Josh did not understand about her. Her mind traveled back to her conversation with Lanie. _If you were in love with him, you would _t_rust him enough to tell him about your mother's case._ They had been together for the better part of a year and he did not know anything about it. In fact, he did not even know that her mother had been murdered, just that she had died when Kate was in college. He had no idea the force that drove her, the reason that she was relentless in her pursuit for justice. And she realized that she probably never would have been comfortable telling him about it.

"Even after this," she replied, hoping that he would not press the issue.

"Well promise me this won't happen again then," he said. "I've already seen far more of the inside of your lung than I ever wanted to."

Kate chuckled in spite of the situation. "I'll try not to."

Josh smiled. "Okay. I'm going to send the nurses in to check up on you and start your discharge paperwork. And if you need anything, just let me know, okay? I'll still be here for you, as a friend."

"Thanks, Josh."

He stood and bent down to press a kiss to her forehead before righting himself again. "Stay safe, Kate. Don't forget about me."

"You saved my life, Josh," she said softly as he turned to leave. "I will never forget that."

With one last backwards glance, he slipped out of Kate's hospital room. He had no idea when he would see her again, but for now, that was probably for the best. She was being discharged in a few hours and would be going to stay at the loft. She would be taken care of and she would recover and she would have time to deal with all of the recent changes in her life. And while Josh hoped they could still be friends, he knew that right now, more than anything, she needed space and time. They both did.

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	7. Chapter 6

_Author's Note: So this is a very dialogue-heavy chapter and it only covers about an hour or two in time, but there were some conversations that needed to be had...so, well, here they are. Enjoy!_

**Chapter 6**

Kate was sitting in bed staring at the wall and wondering why she was not more torn up about her breakup when Castle walked in. When he made it all the way to the chair beside her bed without her noticing, he immediately realized that something was wrong.

"Earth to Kate," he said, waving his hands in front of her face.

Kate was startled out of her thoughts. "Hey."

"Everything okay?"

She nodded. She was not about to discuss her breakup with him. "Yeah, sorry, I was just spacing out."

Castle chuckled. "Clearly."

Kate forced herself to focus on the present. "Um, are you here for a reason, or just because?"

"Do I need a reason?" he asked.

"No, I just…." With Josh out of the picture, Kate was suddenly finding herself much more flustered by Castle's presence.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she lied again. "I was just thinking about how much has changed lately." It was not completely untrue.

"But you're getting out of here in a few hours," Castle pointed out. "So things are going to start getting back to normal."

"True."

"Speaking of which, have you decided where you're staying yet?"

Kate smiled. She knew it must have been killing him to not bring that up again until now, but she was thankful he had not pushed her. "Is your offer still open?"

"Really?" Castle exclaimed. "You're really going to stay with us?"

Kate could not help but laugh at his childlike excitement, although she knew it stemmed from something much deeper. She could only hope that he would not push her in that area either. "Yes," she answered, hoping she sounded much more composed than she felt. "As long as your family is okay with it."

"I'm pretty sure they would be offended if you _didn't_ stay with us," he answered.

Before they had any more time to discuss logistics, Sharon came in with a clipboard and a stack of papers. "Good afternoon," she announced happily and Kate wondered, not for the first time, how the woman could spend all day in a hospital and always be so cheerful.

"Hi," Kate said with a smile.

"You're looking pretty happy today."

"Just glad to be going home," Kate answered.

"I'm sure you are," Sharon replied. "Now, you have someone to stay with you, correct?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah, I'm staying with Rick and his family."

Sharon turned to Castle. "You have a bedroom that's easy to get to and plenty of space for her to move around?"

"Yes."

"Wonderful." She turned back to Kate and handed her the clipboard. "Alrighty, let's get started on your discharge papers, and then we're going to check up on you one last time. You should be free in about two hours. I'll be right back."

Sharon left, followed not long after by Castle, who claimed he had to run a quick errand. Kate assured him that she would be fine by herself for a while. However, Lanie showed up a few minutes later, rendering Castle's concerns irrelevant.

"Hey, girl," Lanie said cheerily.

Kate smiled. "Hey."

"So today's the big day, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Have you decided where you're staying?" Lanie asked wryly. She was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

"With Castle." Kate tried-unsuccessfully-to hide her smile.

Lanie grinned. "Good choice. Josh was okay with it?"

"Yeah, but it wouldn't have mattered what he said," Kate replied.

Lanie caught on immediately. "You broke up with him?"

"Well, he broke up with me, but only because he figured out how to start the conversation before I did."

Lanie layed her hand on Kate's arm. "I'm sorry, sweetie, are you doing alright?"

"Yeah, I'm actually not all that upset, which is weird," Kate admitted.

"No it's not," Lanie said immediately. "You've been over him for a while. And besides, you've got someone else who's more than willing to take Josh's place. And I'm sure you wouldn't mind that either now, would you?"

"It's too soon, Lanie," Kate protested.

"You haven't told him?"

"It just happened like an hour ago," she defended. "And no, I haven't, because as soon as he finds out, he's going to jump on the opportunity."

"And that would be a bad thing because?"

"Because it's too soon," she repeated. "I've been single for an hour. I'm still recovering. I'm going to be staying with him. It's just going to complicate everything."

"You love him, he loves you, what's so complicated about that?"

"I don't…."

"Yes you do, Kate," Lanie interrupted firmly. "You may not be ready to tell him, but there's no use denying it to me. Sweetie,_ everyone _can tell how you two feel about each other."

"I know, but…."

"No buts," Lanie interrupted again. She was not going to give Kate a chance to talk herself out of this. "Kate, I've never seen someone as distraught as he was when you got shot. The boys had to pry him away from you and he literally collapsed in hysterics."

"Seriously?" Kate asked, shocked.

"Oh my God, Kate, it was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen," Lanie said sadly. "That man is madly in love with you, and he has more than earned a chance to be with you. He's dying to hold you and kiss you and tell you how he feels. He has been since the moment you got shot. It's so obvious."

"He already did." The words slipped out before Kate even realized it.

"He what?"

_Shit._ "He already did," Kate repeated, knowing there was no way Lanie was going to let this one go.

"Already what? Kissed you?" Lanie asked incredulously.

Kate shook her head. "No. He already told me."

"He told you he loves you and you didn't do anything about it?"

"I was bleeding out in his arms, there wasn't a lot I could do," Kate said flatly.

"Oh, honey." Lanie reached out and pulled her best friend in for a hug. "Has he said anything about it?"

Kate shook her head. "No."

"And you're not going to, are you?" Sometimes, Lanie saw right through her.

"No."

"You can't ignore it forever, you know, or it's going to tear you two apart again."

"I know," Kate said sadly. "I just can't deal with it right now."

"Can't deal with him knowing that you heard him or can't deal with facing your own feelings?"

"They're pretty much the same thing, Lanie," Kate pointed out.

She shook her head. "No they're not. Not at all."

"Yes they are, because as soon as I tell him I heard what he said, he's going to push for more," Kate protested. It was a weak excuse but she was running out of reasons to convince herself that letting him in the rest of the way would be a bad idea.

"Really?" Lanie asked. "After three years of waiting for you and standing by you even when you didn't want him to, do you really think that if you told him what you just told me, he wouldn't be completely understanding? You really think he wouldn't wait for you to be ready?"

Kate hesitated. Lanie was right, and she knew that, but she was not sure she was ready to have any type of deep conversation with Castle. "I know he would. He told my dad that."

"He what now?" Lanie had not expected Kate to drop this many bombshells in one conversation.

"He told my dad."

"When?"

"A few days after my surgery. I woke up and they were talking and my dad had figured out how Castle felt. And my dad's not exactly discreet about who he thinks I should be dating. And then at some point, Castle said he would wait forever if he had to."

"Kate…."

"I know, Lanie," she said firmly. "I know. I just can't deal with it yet, okay?"

"Look, I get that you're stressed. I know you've been on an emotional rollercoaster for the last month. But you can't keep putting this off. At least tell him about Josh, okay? And be honest about why you guys broke up. He deserves to know that, and I promise you, he's not going to push you, Kate. After almost losing you once, he's not going to do something that would cause him to lose you again."

"I know."

"So promise me you'll talk to him?" Lanie pleaded.

"I will."

"Good. Now, the real reason I'm here is to ask if you'd like me to swing by your place and grab you some clothes and stuff," Lanie offered.

"Sure, that would be really helpful," Kate agreed quickly. Her other option was going with Castle and she had no intention of packing undergarments with him in the room.

"What do you need?"

"Clothes….that I can put on without hurting myself. Maybe some books and stuff. I don't know, I trust your judgment. My suitcase is in the back of my closet."

Lanie stood. "Okay, I'll bring it by the loft tonight. And please talk to him, girl," Lanie begged one last time.

"I already told you I would," Kate reminded her.

"I know, I'm just making sure."

"I will," Kate said again as she turned to leave. "And Lanie….thank you."

* * *

><p>Jim Beckett had showed up not long after Lanie left and he was sitting on the edge of Kate's bed when Castle returned.<p>

"Hey there, Rick," he said.

"Jim, I'm glad you're here," Castle exclaimed. "I had this made for you." He handed him a key and both Jim and Kate looked at him curiously. "I figured since Kate is staying with me for a while, I wanted you to be able to come and see her whenever you wanted."

Jim took the key tentatively, casting a glance at his daughter to gauge her reaction. She did not seem angry, which was good. He was more than ready for his daughter to stop fighting Castle and it appeared that she was getting there, slowly but surely. "Thanks, Rick," he said gratefully. "That's really thoughtful."

"You're welcome. And really, use it anytime you want." He turned to Kate then. "I made one for Lanie too. And one for Josh." Kate could tell it pained him to say it but she was once again touched by how thoughtful he was.

She knew she should say something to let him know that Josh would not be needing the key, but with her father in the room, she decided it was probably not a good time. "Thanks, Castle," she said, taking the key from him. "I'll give it to him."

"Okay, do you know where Lanie is?" Castle glanced around the room.

"She went to my apartment to pack me some clothes and stuff. She's coming by the loft tonight so you can give it to her then."

"Perfect." He indicated at the clipboard sitting on Kate's lap. "Did you finish filling those out?"

"Yeah, but you actually need to sign a couple of them since you'll be with me. And Sharon has to talk to you about some things," Kate answered, sorting through the papers and handing him the ones requiring his signature.

As if on cue, Sharon appeared in the doorway along with two other nurses. "Time for your final exam," she announced.

Jim Beckett took this as his cue to leave. "I'm going to head out sweetie, but I'll stop by tomorrow, okay?" He stood and bent down to press a kiss to the top of her head.

She nodded. "Bye, Dad."

"Take care of her," he said, clapping Castle on the shoulder as he turned to leave.

"I will."

Castle stood to leave too, knowing that they were probably going to change her bandages, but Sharon stopped him. "Rick, you're going to need to be here for this."

"Oh, okay," he said, looking awkwardly at Kate, who shrugged. He had assumed that his mother or Lanie would be the ones to help Kate change with this, given the location of the wound.

Sharon checked Kate's vitals and listened to her lungs before turning her attention to the bandages. As she worked, she explained the process to Castle, who was trying very hard to focus on anything except Kate. It was not that he was afraid she would smack him for looking at the scar; it was that even thinking about it was enough to bring him back to the moment she had been shot and the long hours he spent in the waiting room, not knowing if she was going to be okay.

Once Sharon finished the exam, she hurried off with the discharge papers, promising to return in a few minutes, at which time Kate would be free to leave.

"You excited?" Castle asked, sitting on the edge of her bed. As she recovered, Kate had been leaning on him less and less. At first he had let go of her hand only when he had to leave the room. Now, she was able to do much more on her own and did not desperately grasp his hand when she was in pain. He missed the constant contact and was finding it difficult to stay away from her for more than a few minutes at a time. Because of this, he was excited to have her stay with him, but he was also nervous because he knew she was going to ask for space that he did not want to give her. He wanted to help her, to make sure she was not going to push herself too hard, but he knew that she was going to want to regain her independence as soon as possible. It was going to be a battle, he knew, but he was determined to prove to her that it was okay to have someone take care of her.

"Yeah," Kate said half-heartedly.

"But?"

"But nothing."

"Kate," he said softly. "It's going to be a long couple of months if you can't tell me what's bothering you."

She took a deep breath, not really sure where to begin. "I'm just freaked about all of this," she explained lamely, gesturing at nothing in particular.

"All of what?" he probed gently.

"My recovery. What if I don't heal all the way? What if I never get my strength back? I'm worried about how me being there is going to affect your family. I'm worried about the state of the precinct when I get to go back. _If_ I get to go back. I'm worried someone else is going to get hurt chasing this guy. I just….I want my life back."

Castle could see the tears forming in her eyes and he scooted all the way on to the bed so that he was sitting cross-legged, facing her. "Kate," he began, trying to figure out in which order to address everything she had just said. "You will get your life back, I promise. I will do everything I can to make sure of that. That's why I offered to let you stay with me, because I have the resources to make sure you recover. Are you going to have to be patient? Absolutely. But you will get there. Look how far you've come in the last month. You have a ways to go, obviously, but I'm here to help you with all of that." He paused to take a breath and also took hold of her hands. "As for my family, don't worry about a thing. Mother and Alexis love having you around. And _when_ you go back to the precinct, there will be a new captain, but you'll still have Ryan and Esposito and Lanie will be in the morgue and I'll still be by your side, no matter what."

Seeing that a couple of tears had escaped and were sliding down her cheeks, Castle opted not to say anything about the sniper for now, knowing that he really did not have anything helpful to say about it. He was still running free and there was going to be a detail on the whole team until he was caught, but there was no way to ensure anyone's safety, which terrified him. He would do anything, including taking a bullet, to keep Kate safe, but he really hoped it did not come to that. All of them had had their sense of security thoroughly shaken, and it would be a while before everything could truly go back to anything resembling normalcy.

"You really mean that?" Kate asked tearfully.

"Of course," Castle said. "That's what partners are for, right?"

She nodded, a sudden thought occurring to her. "Hey, Rick," she said softly.

"Yeah?"

"I never really got a chance to say this, but I'm sorry for fighting with you….and for kicking you out. Because I really do want you around." Kate was not usually one to wind up on that side of an apology, but he deserved it. Actually, he deserved a whole lot more of an explanation, but for now, that would have to suffice.

"It's okay, Kate," he replied softly, gently massaging her hands with his thumbs. "I said a whole bunch of stuff that I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry for that, too." He paused. "And besides, you know you aren't going to get rid of me _that_ easily."

For Kate, that was a loaded statement, given that she had overheard Castle's admission to her father. However, she knew that he did not intend her to take it that way so she pushed it aside and smiled warmly. "I know."

Their eyes met and a thousand unspoken words passed between them. Words that they both wanted so badly to say aloud. Castle could see the emotion in Kate's eyes; the graciousness, the fear, the worry. And she could read in his eyes the concern and pure love for her, so strong that it made her heart pound. Josh had never looked at her like that, and she knew then that they had made the right decision. And despite how much she denied it to other people, someday soon, she knew that she would be ready to take that step with Castle. She would be ready to cast aside the fear and nervousness and let herself love him the way he loved her.

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	8. Chapter 7

_Author's Note: And here's part two of the heavy conversations...I have to admit, I didn't necessarily plan all of this, but Kate needed to sort some things out and show some growth and I'm hoping this chapter accomplishes that. That being said, this is a bit of an emotional roller coaster because that's what tends to happen when I sit down to write with no real plan. I have a feeling another chapter like this is in the near future, but fear not, fluff is coming soon as well!_

**Chapter 7**

Two hours later, Kate was settled into the guest room at the loft and Castle was in his office, trying not to be frustrated that they she was already pushing him away. He had figured it would happen, just not so soon. She had insisted in walking from the car to the elevator and then from the elevator to the guest room unassisted, and while he knew she was perfectly capable of doing so, he had also thought that she might appreciate having an arm to hold onto; clearly he had been mistaken. She had swatted his hand away, insisting that she was fine, and proceeded to walk ahead of him the whole way.

Once they were in the house, he had carried her luggage to her room before locking himself in his office to calm down. He really did not want this to be a fight the whole way. He wanted it to be relaxing, especially for Kate, and he knew that the only way that would happen was if they worked out some kind of compromise. Taking a calming breath, he headed off in search of her.

"Kate?" he knocked quietly on her bedroom door in case she was asleep.

"Go away, Castle," she snapped. Clearly this was not about to go as planned either.

"Kate, please? I just want to talk to you," he begged.

Kate took a deep breath. "Fine. I'll be out in a minute." Castle seemed to be satisfied with her answer and she heard him walk away. She leaned back against the headboard, trying to get herself under control. She was at Castle's house. She would be staying here for the next month, at least. Josh was gone. Right now, Kate wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with Castle and never move, because every time he touched her, suddenly everything was alright. Her chest stopped hurting, her mind stopped freaking out, and her entire body relaxed. And that terrified her. What had happened to Kate Beckett, the tough cop who was strong and fiercely independent? Somewhere in the last month, she had been replaced by Kate Beckett, the injured woman who needed Richard Castle to do….well, anything. And Kate was not okay with that.

With a sigh, she carefully climbed off the bed and headed out into the main room. Castle was sitting at the bar reading something on his iPad and Kate hesitantly sat down on the stool next to him. He turned his focus to her immediately.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

"Me too." She had been doing a lot of apologizing lately.

There was a slightly awkward pause before Castle spoke again. "Look, I have a feeling we're going to have this kind of argument a lot if we don't figure out some kind of solution."

"I know." He could tell from her voice that she was really stressed out about something.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently, forgetting about compromising for now.

"Me," she replied. "I'm such a mess and I shouldn't be dumping all my problems on you."

"Kate, that's what I'm here for," Castle reminded her. "Tell me what's wrong, and we'll figure it out, together."

She took a deep breath before beginning. "I'm freaked out, Castle." She admitted. "I've just….I've realized how much I've needed you lately. And I don't just mean helping me move around. I mean emotionally. You've been the one I've vented to and cried to and it's just….I don't do those kinds of things. I haven't since….well, since my mom." There were tears in her eyes and he reached for her hand in a comforting gesture. "I was always closer to my mom than to my dad….not that my dad and I don't get along….it's just that she was the one I went to for things, you know. She was there for my first crush and my first break-up and when I was picking out a college and all that stuff and then suddenly the one person I needed was gone and…." Her eyes had filled with tears and Castle cut her off before she tried to choke out anything more.

"I understand, Kate, I do," he said. "But I want you to know that despite what has happened to you, you don't have to do everything alone. Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, Josh, your father, my family, me….we're all here for you, Kate. We want to help you get through this, so let us shoulder some of it."

"I just….I'm not used to feeling like this," she admitted softly. "I'm used to being fine on my own. I'm used to being independent and I thought I was strong and now I'm none of those things and I don't even know who I am anymore." Now that she started, she could not seem to stop the words pouring out of her mouth.

"I know who you are," Castle assured her. "You may be recovering from being shot and you may not be able to be a kick-ass detective right now, but you're still you. You still have a brilliant mind. You're still saucy and sarcastic. You still tell me to shut up or go away on a regular basis."

"Yeah but that's just…."

"Let me finish," he interrupted, shifting positions so he was looking in her eyes. "Do not ever doubt that you are strong and independent, Kate. You're recovering faster than normal from something like this because you're a fighter and you insist on doing things yourself. After what you've been through, most people would have broken completely, but you're still here, fighting to regain what you had and not letting something like this ruin your life. That takes more strength than you realize, Kate."

"But…."

"But nothing." He paused. "Now, that being said, I know that you want to push yourself and I know that you want to get back to work, but I'm going to say the same thing I said when we had this fight in the hospital. I'll let you do things by yourself, but you need to be honest about how much it hurts. I don't want you to be afraid to ask me for help, Kate. It doesn't make you weak. Nothing could ever make you weak."

"I…." she hesitated.

He took her other hand and brought them together so they were clasped between his. "Promise me. Don't push yourself too hard for the sake of your pride. It's not worth it. I'm not bringing this up to say 'I told you so,' but remember what happened last time….when you tried to open that door? We both know that could have ended up re-injuring something, and I know that you don't want that. So _please,_ ask for help when you need it and I promise I'll back off when you don't."

"Okay," she agreed. "I'll try."

She was still confused as hell about her feelings towards Castle, but at least one issue was out of the way. Well, okay, she was not confused about her _feelings_….she was confused about what to _do_ about them. She knew she had feelings for Castle. She knew she wanted them to be more than partners. She knew he loved her and although she was nowhere near ready to admit it, she loved him too. But she was not there yet, not so soon after her breakup. She had been single for less than a day and while she knew it would be normal to be mourning the loss of Josh, already she could not stop thinking about Castle; about how his eyes showed exactly what he felt for her, about how loved she had felt when he held her while she cried, about how most people would kill to have a guy who treated them like he treated her.

Lanie was right. She needed to talk to him. The only problem is that there was so much to talk about and she had absolutely no idea what to say.

* * *

><p>As promised, Lanie dropped by an hour later with Kate's suitcase in tow. Castle pointed her to Kate's room before heading upstairs to his own room, knowing they would want some time alone.<p>

"Kate?" Lanie poked her head through the doorframe.

"Hey." Kate looked up from where she was sitting on her bed, reading the manuscript of _Heat Rises_ for the second time.

"I brought you clothes," Lanie announced, wheeling the suitcase into the room and shutting the door.

"Thank you so much. You're amazing."

"No problem. You want some help changing into pajamas?"

Kate looked down at herself, realizing that she was probably not going to be able to do all of it alone. "Yeah, I guess I probably do."

"You know, there's nothing wrong with letting me help you," Lanie pointed out as she helped Kate wriggle her arm out of her sleeve without hurting her shoulder. "You don't have to _need_ help, but it doesn't mean it's bad to _want_ it.

"Ugh, you sound like Castle," Kate complained.

"Please tell me you talked to him."

"Sort of," Kate hedged.

"What do you mean, sort of?"

"Well, we talked, just not about….what you and I talked about," Kate admitted.

"Why not?" Kate could tell Lanie was frustrated with her. Hell, she was frustrated with herself. She was a detective, damnit. If she could stare down hardened criminals, she should be able to handle an awkward conversation with Castle.

"Because we kind of argued about something else so we were talking about that."

"What did you fight about?" Lanie asked, resituating herself on the bed now that Kate was changed.

"Him trying to help me all the time."

"Kate, you say that like it's a bad thing," Lanie pointed out. "It's not."

"It is when he won't let me do anything alone. I just want to feel normal. I want to be able to do things without help and every time he steps in, it just reminds me that I'm helpless."

"You're not helpless," Lanie said sternly. "But you do need help with some things and there's nothing wrong with letting people help you for a while."

"I know, it's just…." Kate trailed off.

As usual, Lanie saw right through her. "It's not that you need help, is it? It's that it's him who's helping you, isn't it?"

Kate sighed and leaned back against the headboard. "I need him, Lanie," she admitted. "He's been here through all of this. He practically lived in my hospital room and he was there to help me through everything and I leaned on him so much and now it's like I can't do anything without him. It's like I'm not me anymore."

"You're still you," Lanie said. "You're just a completely in love version of you and you're not used to it."

"I don't know if I can be that version of me, Lanie," Kate admitted. "I can't be that person who needs someone. That's not me."

"Why can't you?" Lanie asked. She already knew exactly why; now it was time for Kate to realize what was holding her back.

"Because everyone I lean on ends up…." Kate had to force the words past the lump in her throat. "My mom, Royce, Montgomery….I opened up to them, Lanie, and I got hurt every time. I can't go through that anymore."

"It's scary," Lanie admitted. "It's hard to open yourself up like that. But you _can_ do it. You're doing it right now."

"That's different."

"How so?"

"It's….I don't know, it just is," Kate stated.

"No, it's really not, sweetie," Lanie pointed out. "You trust me, so you tell me these things. And I know you trust Castle, so what's the difference?"

"Because I would never recover if I lost him." It was a huge admission, and Lanie knew that she had to tread carefully around this new information.

"You're scared," she said gently. It was not really a question.

"I'm terrified," Kate admitted.

"And I understand that," Lanie told her. "But he's not going to leave you. He loves you, Kate. He's so in love with you that he camped out in a hospital for a month because you were there. He tags along as your partner because he needs to be with you and it's the only way he has that chance. I know he's made mistakes in the past, but I think he's proven that he's learned from them. Leaving you would hurt him just as much as it would hurt you. You have to realize that."

"I do," Kate admitted. "But that doesn't make me any less scared. Or confused."

"Which is exactly why you need to talk to him," Lanie pointed out. "He's not a mind reader, Kate. He needs to know why you feel the way you do."

"He'll think I'm ridiculous, Lanie," Kate said worriedly.

"No he won't," Lanie assured her. "I guarantee you, he'll understand completely because he's just as scared as you are."

"What do I even tell him?" Kate asked. "I don't even know where to start."

"Start with Josh," Lanie ordered. "Just be honest and let the conversation go where it goes."

"Okay," Kate relented. "I'll talk to him tomorrow. I promise."

"You better," Lanie demanded. "Because he should be the one in here helping you change into pajamas, not me."

"Lanie!" Kate exclaimed.

"Kate, you guys have been dancing around each other for three years. It's about damn time you saw each other naked." Lanie never had been one to sugar coat things.

"I'm not exactly in any condition for that," Kate pointed out, ignoring the voice in her head that was very much enjoying Lanie's suggestion.

"No, you're not," Lanie agreed. "But when you are, I better be the first to know!"

"Lanie!" Kate exclaimed again.

"Do you need anything else before I head home?" Lanie asked, changing the subject.

"No, I think I'm good."

"Okay, I'll be back tomorrow after work to hear all about you and writer boy. Call me if you need anything."

"Thanks, Lanie." She could be a bit straight-forward, but Kate new Lanie was just looking out for her, and for that she was grateful.

"Anytime, girl."

* * *

><p>"Has Josh been by yet?" Castle asked the following afternoon. Kate had been fairly quiet most of the day and Castle had refrained from pushing her to talk but the silence was starting to get to him.<p>

"No, why?" she asked absently, not looking up from the book she was reading.

"I don't know, I just thought that he'd have come to see you by now," he said, sitting down on the other half of the couch.

Kate knew it was time to be truthful. It was time to man up and have the talk she had been dreading. "Josh won't be coming by," she said flatly, setting the novel aside.

She watched as her meaning dawned on him and his features softened instantly. "Oh, Kate, I'm sorry," he said sadly, and although part of him was dancing with joy that the doctor was gone, a much larger part of him hated that she had been hurt yet again. "What happened?"

Kate shrugged. "He came to talk to me yesterday in the hospital. It just wasn't working."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She hesitated, remembering Lanie's words. _Just be honest and let the conversation go where it goes._ Knowing it was now or never, she continued. "I was about to break up with him anyways."

As expected, Castle probed her for more. "How come?"

"You know why," Kate replied. He looked at her questioningly. "You said it yourself, the night we fought."

"Oh. About that…."

"Don't apologize," she interrupted, holding up a hand to stop him. "I needed to hear it, I just didn't want to. Especially not from you. But you were right. I wasn't really happy."

"And how are you now?"

"Confused as hell," Kate replied, her honesty taking both of them by surprise. "But happier."

"Anything I can do to help?" he was met by silence and it did not take him long to realize the real issue. "Or am I causing the confusion?"

Kate could not believe he had caught on so quickly. "Yeah," she admitted reluctantly, not liking where this conversation was going.

"How so?"

"I'm just….I want you around, Castle. I want you to listen when I need to rant and help me when I'm in pain and….you were there the whole time at the hospital and I don't think you realize how much that meant to me. And I got used to having you there and now I don't want that to change, but that's just not who I am. I shouldn't need to have you around." She realized as she rambled that this was turning into almost the same conversation they had yesterday but she could not help herself. None of this made any sense.

"You don't need me around, Kate," he said softly, hating the sound of the words as they left his mouth. "I'm positive that you could get by on your own. But it's okay to want me here. You're in pain and you've been through a lot, and I'm sure you could handle it by yourself just like you're used to, but that doesn't mean you can't want someone here to make it easier for you."

"I know, it's just not something I'm used to."

"Well, will you let me help you change that?" Castle asked. "Because I want to take care of you and I want you to feel better and I know that's hard for you but _please_ let me help you."

Once again, Kate heard Lanie's voice in her head, reminding her that it was okay to let accept help. "Okay, I'll try," she relented. "But it's going to take some getting used to and I'm probably going to get really annoyed with you."

"See, nothing has to change," Castle joked and was happy to see her smile in response. They sat in silence for a minute before he attempted to steer the conversation back to the main issue. "So are you less confused now?"

_Absolutely not,_ Kate thought. She was still struggling to reconcile this newfound need for Castle with the woman she had been for so long. She had no idea how it had come to this, how Castle had managed to worm his way in so far that she could not get him out even if she wanted to. That was probably the most terrifying thing about all of this; the fact that her feelings were already so strong. She could not deny that she wanted him as more than just a partner and friend, but she also knew that because of their current relationship, anything more would end up being serious right off the bat and that was something she was not sure she could handle. Even after nine months with Josh, it had never been serious. She had not been able to be serious about it because she never let herself fall that far. With Castle, however, the falling had happened before she had a chance to stop it and now she was so far in she was not sure she would ever be able to climb out. Not that she wanted to, but the knowledge of how completely he could shatter her was more than enough to keep her from taking that next step. It was part of the reason she had stayed with Josh for so long. But Josh was gone now and Kate knew she could only hide from it for so long.

Castle seemed to sense the direction of her thoughts and he leaned towards her and gently took her hands. "Are you really okay about Josh?"

Wondering, not for the first time, how he could read her so well, Kate sighed and leaned back against the arm of the sofa. "Yeah, it's just weird, you know. I feel like I should be more upset and I'm just not."

"Well I believe this would be one of those situations that call for ice cream and Disney movies." he announced, attempting to lighten the mood. "What do you think?"

"What?" Kate was not following.

"I have a teenage daughter," Castle reminded her as he stood and headed for the freezer. "Breakups _always_ require ice cream and silly movies."

"Yeah, but I'm not a teenager," Kate protested, despite the fact that ice cream and movies with Castle sounded like a fantastic afternoon.

"No, but you are staying at my house," he pointed out, setting five pints of ice cream and a bottle of chocolate syrup on the counter. "So pick your poison."

"Castle…."

"Please, Kate, humor me," he practically begged. "It's not like you have other plans and I promise it will make you feel better."

He looked so excited that Kate had to give in and she stood and slowly made her way to the kitchen. "You know, I think you're the teenager in this household," she teased as she selected the container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and took the spoon he offered her.

"Hey, sometimes it's a lot more fun than being an adult." Castle claimed his ice cream before putting the rest back in the freezer and heading back to the living room. They plopped down on the couch, sitting side by side with a few inches between them, and Kate dug into her ice cream while Castle flipped through Netflix.

Just over an hour later, as the credits of _The Lion King_ were rolling, Kate was beginning to realize what he meant. She had not watched a Disney movie in ages and she could not remember the last time she had eaten an entire pint of ice cream. It reminded her of her teenage years, back when she was carefree and rebellious. She had not been that person since her mother's murder, but here, on Castle's couch, leaning against him, Kate realized that maybe, just maybe, that young and carefree part of her was still there. On the outside, she was still a hard-ass detective, but Castle had shown her that it was okay to let loose every once in a while. It was okay to have fun and relax and forget about reality. As he reached for the controller to select another movie, Kate recognized that for the first time in a long time, she was doing exactly what Castle had told her she was afraid of; she was letting herself be happy. And, she realized with a start, it really was not so scary after all.

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	9. Chapter 8

_Author's Note: Let the fluff begin!_

**Chapter 8 **

Kate's life quickly fell into a routine and while much different than the one she was used to, she was happy to have regained some sense of normalcy. Her father stopped by almost every afternoon and Castle had made a habit of inviting him to stay for dinner. Lanie came by every day after work to help Kate shower and change her bandages and just hang out and relax. Kate had begun physical therapy for her shoulder now that the muscles were mostly healed, and although her lungs were still healing, which prevented her from doing anything that made her breathing increase, at least she was able to start rebuilding her physical strength.

The downside to physical therapy, though, was that it tired her out and at the moment, she was feeling the results of today's session. Her chest hurt and her left arm was exhausted to the point that she could not get her hoodie off. Lanie had Friday night plans so she had not stopped by, but promised to come over Saturday morning instead, leaving Castle as her only option. True to his word, he had been letting her do more and more on her own, and she had been making a legitimate effort to not protest when he stepped in to help her. Helping her undress, however, was not something that had become part of his job description, but at the moment she really did not have a choice. Thankfully she was wearing a tank top underneath.

"Hey Castle?" she called from her room, knowing he was just down the hall in his office.

He appeared momentarily, dressed in pajamas and, Kate had to admit, looking adorable. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah I just….my arm hurts and I can't get it out of my sleeve." He took a tentative step towards her, unsure of what she was actually asking him to do. "I'm not going to bite you," she teased. "I just need you to help me take this off."

"Ummm….okay," he agreed, sitting down on the edge of the bed and taking hold of her jacket. He carefully helped free her arm, revealing the tank top she was wearing and he could not keep his eyes from being drawn to her wound. Lanie had removed her bandages yesterday and this was the first time Castle had seen the scar. Before he realized what he was doing, he reached out and gently traced his finger along it, from just beneath her collar bone to the top of her breast. Kate glared up at him and was fully intending to smack his arm away when she realized that his eyes were brimmed with tears. It was clear that he was reliving the ordeal yet again, and her features softened as she placed her hand over his where it still rested on her chest.

"It's okay, Rick," she murmured, trying to ignore the location of his hand. "I'm here. I'm alive."

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly, as he realized what he was doing and pulled his hand away. "I just….it was so close, Kate."

"I know," she agreed. It terrified her, too, when she realized just how close she had come.

"I don't ever want to go through this again," he admitted, and Kate was surprised to see a tear roll down his cheek.

"Believe me, neither do I," she assured him. "This whole recovery thing sucks."

Realizing that he should be focusing on her right now, Castle took a deep breath and tucked away his emotions. He could deal with his own feelings sometime when Kate was not in pain. "How was therapy today?" He knew she did not like to talk about it, but it was clear that today had been different somehow.

"Horrible," she said honestly. "My arm is still so weak and then he tried to have me raise it all the way and it just….I almost screamed, Castle," she admitted. "It felt like someone was slicing through my chest."

"Does it still feel like that?"

She shook her head. "No. It's just a dull ache now as long as I don't move it. But this morning it didn't hurt at all, which was really nice, and now the pain is back and I just want it gone."

"I hate that you're hurting, Kate," Castle said sincerely. "I wish there was something I could do to make this easier for you."

Kate could not help but smile when he said things like that; things that showed how much he truly loved her. Since their deeper conversations last week, she was becoming more and more comfortable with the idea of them being more than friends. Every day spent at his loft had given her a glimpse of what could be if she gave him a chance, and right now she was finding it difficult to remember even one of the various excuses she had ever come up with for why being involved with him was a bad idea.

"I wish you could too," she whispered, meeting his eyes and hoping he could see the sincerity there.

"Do you need anything?" Castle asked. He knew the pain would be there no matter what but he had to try.

"Sleep," Kate replied, averting her eyes. His gaze was so intense sometimes.

"Okay, well I'll be in my office if you need anything."

Castle stood and headed for the door and as she watched him walk away, she realized that there was something he could do for her. "Hey, Rick," she called and he turned in the doorway.

"Yeah?"

"There actually might be….something….I think it would help," she stammered. She had to get this out before she lost her nerve.

"Anything."

Kate was sick of fighting it. Castle made her feel better and if she needed him then, well, she was just going to have to accept that. "Will you stay with me?"

"Like, in here with you?" he managed.

"Yeah," she responded shyly. "I just….my shoulder hurts too much to sleep and I….having you here will keep my mind off of it." _And every time you're near me I feel better,_ she added in her head.

"Of course," Castle agreed. "Let me just use the bathroom first and I'll be right back."

Five minutes later, Kate was curled up on her uninjured side, struggling to find a comfortable position, and Castle was laying stiffly on the edge of the bed, completely unsure of what to do. When she asked him to stay, he assumed she meant sit on the edge of the bed and chat for a while until she fell asleep, not crawl under the covers with her for the night. He was not complaining, not at all, but he also had no intention of making her uncomfortable.

"Castle, I don't have my gun on me," she teased, nudging him with her foot.

"I know but I…." It was as though the tables had suddenly turned and while Kate wanted to cuddle up to him, Castle was thoroughly flustered about the turn of events. If just lying in bed with her was this nerve-wracking, he had no idea how he would ever survive anything more. If there ever was anything more.

"Just come here," Kate demanded. He turned to face her and she scooted toward him, leaning her forehead against his chest. Tentatively, Castle wrapped an arm around her and she snuggled closer in response. This seemed to be all the reassurance that he needed for she suddenly found herself enveloped in his arms. He slid one arm under her head like a pillow and wrapped the other more tightly around her waist, pulling her close.

"Is this okay?" he asked hesitantly.

She nodded against his chest. "Yeah."

"I'm not hurting you?"

"No."

"Okay."

"Night, Castle," Kate murmured after a few moments.

He could not stop himself from pressing a kiss to the top of her head as he responded. "Good night, Kate." And as she drifted off to sleep, Castle lay there savoring the feeling of finally, _finally,_ falling asleep with her in his arms.

* * *

><p>Waking up next to Kate Beckett for the first time was not at all how Castle had imagined. Granted, in his fantasies she was naked and their relationship status was a little more cemented, but even so, none of those compared to the feeling that overtook him as he woke. Kate was still curled up in his arms, breathing softly. Her good arm was clinging to the front of his shirt, their feet were tangled together, and she looked so peaceful and relaxed. In that moment, Castle felt more content than he had in years and vowed to do everything in his power to ensure that this was not the last time he would wake up with her.<p>

When Kate awoke a few minutes later, she was glad to see that it was light outside; this was the first time since her surgery that she had slept without waking in pain in the middle of the night. She quickly became aware of arms wrapped around her and Castle's head resting against hers and cuddled in even closer. She felt him raise his head and slowly looked up to find him gazing down at her. His hair was adorably mussed and a day's worth of stubble was visible but Kate could not help but smile. He just looked so darn cute.

"Good morning," he said, mirroring her smile. Her hair was tangled and her mascara was smeared but to Castle, she still looked beautiful.

"Hey."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better." Kate carefully straightened her left arm. "It doesn't hurt as much today."

"That's good. Sleep well?"

She smiled sheepishly. "Best sleep I've had in a long time."

"Well I'm happy to lend my services whenever you need them," Castle offered jokingly.

Kate rolled her eyes at him, secretly glad that the situation had not turned awkward. They may have spent the night in each other's arms but the teasing that was the foundation of their relationship was still there, which was very comforting. Castle's arms remained around her, although his grip had loosened when she moved, but she was in no hurry to go anywhere. Although she would never admit it out loud, he made a fantastic pillow.

"What time is it?" she asked after a couple minutes, during which they had snuggled back into each other.

"Just after eight I think. What time did Lanie say she was coming by?"

"Nine," Kate replied. "And we should probably get up before she gets here."

"Embarrassed to say that you slept with me, detective?" Castle teased, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

She rolled her eyes again. "You're incorrigible."

"You didn't seem to mind last night." His voice was still light but she could tell that there was now a more serious undertone to the conversation.

"I don't," she admitted, hoping he would not notice the blush rising in her cheeks. "But if Lanie catches us like this, you know she'll never let us live it down."

"True." Neither moved, however, and it was not until Lanie showed up forty minutes later that they even realized they had fallen back asleep.

The sound of her unlocking the door to the loft was enough to rouse Castle, who quickly rolled out of bed. He was debating whether fleeing to the bathroom or hiding in the closet would be the safer option when Kate spoke up. "Just stay."

He whipped around. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." She gingerly sat up, propped up some pillows, and leaned back against the headboard. "Just….sit here and act like we've been talking or something."

He glanced at the door again before hurrying over and climbing back onto the bed, leaving a couple feet between himself and Kate.

No sooner was he situated than there was a knock at the door. "Kate?"

"Come on in," she called, hoping she appeared less flustered than she felt.

"Hey girl, how was your ni….oh, hey Castle," Lanie said, shooting a questioning glance at Kate. "What are you doing in here?"

"We were just talking," Kate blurted before he had a chance to answer.

Lanie did not look convinced. "Mmhmm."

"No, really, I came in to ask what she wanted for breakfast and….we started talking about other stuff."

"Which is why you look like you just rolled out of bed?" Times like this, Kate wished Lanie was not so observant.

"So, pancakes you said?" Castle asked in an attempt to deflect the interrogation he was sure was coming. "They'll be ready in about twenty." And with that, he quickly dashed from the room.

"He spent the night in here, didn't he?" Lanie asked the moment the bedroom door shut behind him.

"No."

"You know, you're not a very good liar."

"He….fine, he spent the night in here," Kate admitted. She never had been very good at hiding things from Lanie.

"Any particular reason?"

"I was in pain," Kate answered half-heartedly. She knew Lanie was going to see through that one too.

"Right, and you haven't been in pain any other night for the past month."

"It just….I feel better when he's around," she admitted. "God, when did I become such a girl?"

"I think you know the answer to that one," Lanie remarked. "And I have to say, I'm happy you're finally embracing it….and him."

"Lanie!"

"Oh please, you guys spent the night together. If you're not dating by next week I'll be very surprised."

"Lanie!" Kate exclaimed again.

"Come on, Kate, you know you want him."

"I know."

"So what's stopping you?"

Kate thought back to her list of excuses and like the night before, she could not seem to remember any of them. "Honestly, nothing," she admitted.

"Then go get him, girl," Lanie advised. "You know he's not going to make the first move."

"I don't get it," Kate said. "Usually he's all over women and with me he doesn't do anything. You should have seen him last night, it was like he was afraid to lay too close to me."

"Kate, he told you he loved you and you haven't mentioned it to him," Lanie pointed out. "Of course he's not going to do anything else. It's your turn."

"I guess so."

"You know so," Lanie said bluntly.

"Yeah, I do."

"Now that we've got that cleared up, I want details," Lanie said excitedly.

"There's not really any details to tell," Kate protested.

"Please tell me there was at least cuddling involved."

Kate blushed. "He may have had his arms wrapped around me all night. And he makes a really good pillow."

"You were laying on him?" Lanie asked incredulously.

"Well my head was on his arm."

"And where were your arms?"

"One of my hands was holding onto his shirt when I woke up."

"So let me get this straight, you spent all night cuddling with Castle and using him as a pillow and there were no kisses involved?"

"Well, he kissed the top of my head last night but that doesn't count," Kate objected.

"Man, you guys both need to grow a set," Lanie said bluntly.

"I'm getting there," Kate replied. And she was. In the last few days, between her conversations with Lanie and Castle, she had almost talked herself into acting on her feelings for him.

"What's changed your mind all of the sudden?" Lanie asked curiously. She was happy to see Kate finally beginning to fight for what she wanted rather than sitting back and wait for something to happen.

"Staying here," she answered without hesitation. "It's made me realize what I'm missing. And, Lanie, he's been so sweet. I mean, he still drives me crazy at times, but last night he told me that he wished he could just take all my pain away. And when he saw my scar, he almost started crying."

"Of course he did," Lanie said softly. "I told you before, the moment you were shot, his entire world shattered."

"I know you did, but I think I'm finally starting to realize the extent of it."

"I'm so proud of you, girl," Lanie said happily, pulling her friend in for a hug. "Just promise me you won't give up now, okay?"

"I'm not going to," Kate said with a smile. "After last night, I'm not sure I'll be able to fall asleep alone again."

"Oh, you've got it bad, girl," Lanie teased lovingly. "You both do."

* * *

><p>Later that evening, Castle was heading to the kitchen for a glass of water when he spotted Kate standing by the window, looking out over the city. After quenching his thirst, he quietly joined her, taking in the lights of Manhattan.<p>

"It's so pretty at night," Kate said softly, her eyes never leaving the window.

"I know," Castle agreed. "Sometimes it's so easy to forget that." They fell into companionable silence as they stood there, only breaking it when Kate let out a quiet sigh and moved to lean against the counter.

"You okay?" Castle asked concernedly.

"Yeah, my back is just sore," she replied. "I've spent so much time sitting and laying down in ways that don't hurt my left side and it's not usually very comfortable for the rest of me."

"Do you want a heating pad?" he asked. "Or I could give you a back rub if you'd like," he added teasingly.

Kate had not had a massage in ages and she could not deny that it was a very appealing offer. "That sounds good, actually," she agreed.

"Which one?" Castle questioned, almost positive that she did not really want him to give her a back massage.

"The back rub," she answered.

Castle was caught completely off guard. "Really?" he stammered, before attempting to cover up his surprise. "I mean, it won't hurt you will it?"

She shook her head. "It shouldn't."

"Okay, um…." Castle was not really sure how to go about this.

"Just let me go put my pajamas on first," Kate suggested.

"Okay." While Kate headed for her room, Castle decided to change into pajamas also, knowing that he would probably be heading to bed when he was done. Once he had changed and brushed his teeth, he went back downstairs to the living room to wait.

He was just about to go check on her when he heard her call out for him. "Castle, where are you?"

"Huh?" he asked, standing and heading for the hallway. Her door was open so he tentatively entered her room and gestured toward the living room. "I was waiting for you out there."

Kate was sitting on her bed wearing a t-shirt and yoga pants, clearly intending for him to join her in her room. "I have a feeling I'm not going to want to move afterwards," she said by way of explanation.

Castle had not really considered the logistics of this, but she was not allowed to lie on her stomach and he had no intention of making her sit on the floor. "Uh, how do you want to do this?" he asked as he made his way towards her bed.

"If I sit here and turn around can you just sit on the edge of the bed or something?" she asked.

It was probably the best option. "Sure, as long as you're comfortable." He took his place on the bed behind her, tucking one leg underneath him and leaving one dangling off the edge.

"I am," she assured him.

"Okay, uh….your hair is in the way...do you, uh, have a hair tie?"

"On top of the dresser."

He reached for it and began to gently gather her hair into a ponytail. Kate had not really given much thought to the potential intimacy of this situation until now, but as he finger-combed her hair, she felt herself relax and lean into his touch. He secured her hair and then rested his hands lightly on her upper arms. "Okay, I'm going to start by just running my hands over your back and I need you to tell me if it hurts, alright?"

She nodded. "Okay." Castle gently rubbed his hands up and down her back, careful to avoid putting too much pressure on her injured shoulder blade. As expected, she flinched when he ran his hand over it. "Ouch."

"I thought that might happen," he said, running his fingertips around the area to see how far the pain extended. "Anywhere else hurt?"

"Just the very top of that shoulder."

"Okay, if anything else starts to hurt, let me know." With that, he began gently massaging the muscles along her spine, trying to ignore the racing of his heart and the sweatiness of his palms that this situation was causing.

Twenty minutes later, Kate had her forehead leaned against the headboard and her eyelids were drooping. Castle was right about one thing, she realized; he did give really good massages.

"How's it feeling?" he asked, letting his hands fall to his lap.

"So much better," she said sleepily.

"I'd keep going but my fingers hurt," he admitted.

"S'okay, I should sleep," Kate mumbled, swinging her arm behind her in an attempt to pull back the covers.

Castle reached out to help her and she snuggled into bed right away, her eyes already closed. He was unsure of what to do, so he gently reached out to pull the blankets up the rest of the way. He did not really want to leave but she had not asked him to stay, so he was about to head to his own room when her hand snaked up and grabbed his wrist. That was all the invitation he needed. He gently climbed into bed next to her and, like the previous night, Kate wasted no time in cuddling up to him. Hardly daring to believe that this was happening again, Castle once again wrapped her in his arms, this time placing a kiss on her cheek before he settled into the pillows. "Good night," he murmured, closing his eyes.

Heat raced to Kate's cheek at the spot where his lips had just been. "Night."

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	10. Chapter 9

_Author's Note: This chapter is a bit shorter than the others but...well...some things just deserve their own chapter! I have to admit, I've had most of this one written for quite a while and I'm excited to post it...it's pretty fluffy! Enjoy!_

**Chapter 9**

For the second day in a row, Castle woke with the woman he loved wrapped in his arms. Like the previous morning, she was laying in the crook of his arm with her face buried in his chest. Her ponytail had loosened in the night, the hair falling over her eyes, and it was all he could do to not reach up and push it back behind her ear. However, Kate trusted him; he knew that asking him to spend not one but two nights with her had not been easy for her and Castle had no desire to take advantage of the situation. Instead, he rested his chin against the top of her head and allowed himself to fall back asleep.

He was drifting in and out of consciousness when Kate's stirring woke him and he loosened his grip on her to allow her to move. To his surprise, however, she simply snuggled closer, burying her face in his chest. In her half-awake state, she registered the scent that was so uniquely Castle and inhaled deeply, forgetting about her still-healing lung. She flinched almost immediately, though, and Castle snapped his head up to look at her.

"Kate, are you okay? What happened?" He was awake instantly.

"I'm fine, Castle," she assured him, not lifting her head. "I just took a deep breath and it hurt a bit, that's all."

"Okay." The phrase 'I'm fine' had become his least favorite phrase during her recovery, especially when she was still in the hospital and clearly not at all fine, but she had been making an effort to be more honest about her pain lately, so he opted not to argue this time. She had relaxed into him again almost immediately, so he figured that for once, maybe she actually _was_ fine.

Silence fell but Castle broke it a few minutes later. "How's the soreness today?"

"Better," she mumbled into his shirt.

"That's good."

"Mmhmm, thanks for the massage last night. It was really good."

"You're very welcome," Castle replied. "Another one of my services which I will happily lend out at any time."

Kate rolled her eyeballs behind her closed lids. "Maybe you should have become a masseuse instead of an author. You're actually pretty good at massages."

"A complement and an insult all in one," Castle said, impressed. "I'm such a good influence on you."

Kate snorted and finally raised her head to look at him. "Yeah, good influence. That's definitely the phrase I would use."

Castle laughed. "But seriously, if the massage helps, I'll do it again."

"Searching for a way to have your hands all over me?" she teased. Her sassy and flirty side had been making more and more appearances as she healed, much to Castle's delight.

He ran his hands gently along her back. "Nope, for now, this is just perfect." Despite her better judgment, Kate blushed and buried her face back into his chest. Castle gave her a chance to unblush before speaking again. "As much as I'd like to stay here, though, I really need to use the restroom." He gently extricated himself from the bed, careful not to jolt Kate. "I'll be right back, okay."

"Mmkay." Kate laid her head on one of her pillows, but no matter what she did, it was just not as warm and comfortable as Castle's arm had been. After a good minute of trying to find the best position, she gave up and slowly sat up, testing out the pain levels in her chest and arm. It seemed to be better today.

When Castle reappeared a minute later, Kate was sitting up and attempting to fix her ponytail. She was still unable to lift her left arm all the way, however, and it was a rather difficult task to do one-handed. "Want some help?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

"Yeah, this isn't working so great," she admitted. Castle scooted behind her and removed the hair tie, gently untangling her curls with his fingers before pulling it back neatly. When he finished, Kate instinctively leaned back into him, laying her head against his shoulder.

"You sure you're okay this morning?" This touchy-feely side of Kate was something that Castle was not used to….although he was not at all opposed to it either.

"Yeah, just comfy," she responded.

"Okay, just checking." She was leaning into him with so much ease, but Castle had no idea what to do with himself, particularly his hands, so he opted for resting them on her upper arms. He began to rub them gently up and down and Kate let out a long sigh. "What's going on in that head of yours?" he asked softly. "I can almost hear the wheels turning."

"Just thinking."

"About?" he probed gently. Given that they had spent the last two nights cuddling and she was currently leaning against him he had a pretty good idea where her train of thought was headed.

Kate straightened up and turned around to face him. "This," she said, motioning between them. "You and me." She paused to collect her thoughts and Castle waited patiently, knowing that this was one of those times where he needed to let her talk it out. "I've just….I've slept so much better with you here and you've helped me with so much and I haven't done anything in return and I feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

"Kate, I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be," he assured her. "And you're not taking advantage of me."

"It feels like I am, though," she explained. "I mean, I want you to stay with me, tonight and the next night and….it shouldn't mean anything, but it does, and I'm not sure….I don't know….I'm not making any sense."

"You know what?" Castle began softly. "This does mean something. I know you're not one to share things and to allow people so far into your life, and it means a lot to me that I'm one of the people who gets to be here, Kate. It means so much to know that you trust me."

"I don't want this to just be about sharing a bed because I'm in pain, though," Kate admitted. "I want it to be….more." She took a deep breath. "And I trust you a lot, Rick, but I'm not sure it's enough."

"What can I do to help?" he asked.

"I'm not sure," she said sadly. "I just….I don't know."

"Okay, let me ask you this; what do you mean when you say you want this to be more?"

She hesitated. "I want….I want to fall asleep with you every day, and wake up with you, and share things with you, and laugh with you and….all of it."

"I want that too," he admitted, hardly daring to breathe. "So badly."

"I just…." She trailed off again. No matter how much she planned things like this out in her head, they never came out well.

"What's holding you back?" he asked, sensing her hesitancy.

"I don't know." She paused, debating admitting the real reason. She did not really want to but she remembered her conversations with Lanie and knew that Castle deserved to know. "I'm scared."

"About?"

"This becoming anything more." She was looking down at the bedspread now, unable to meet his penetrating gaze.

"Me too." It was true. Losing Kate was his absolute worst nightmare. He had experienced a few hours of that feeling after her shooting and it was not something he ever wanted to go through again. It was the most painful and terrifying experience of his life.

"And if I trusted you completely, I shouldn't be scared, right?"

Castle considered her words. She had a dangerous job and there was always the chance that he would lose her that way, but, he realized, if he was certain that she was not going to close up and leave him when he got too close, he would probably be much less afraid. She trusted him partially, she had already admitted it; now he needed to find out why she did not trust him fully. "You trust me with your life, Kate," he began, thinking back to the times she had gone into dangerous situations with him as her only backup.

"I know," she admitted. "But that's different."

"How?"

"Because with this I don't think I could deal with the pain if it went wrong."

"It won't," Castle assured her.

"You can't promise that," Kate pointed out.

"You're right, I can't," he agreed. "You'll just have to trust me."

"Which is the problem," she admitted softly.

"Why?" he asked. "I'm not going to hurt you, Kate."

"History says otherwise."

"Besides looking into your mother's case, what did I…."

"Not our history, Castle. Your history."

Castle sighed. He had always known that someday it was going to come back and bite him in the ass. And while he understood her concerns, he also needed to convince her that the past was not carrying over into the present. That phase in his life was over. "Do you know why I was that way?" he asked. Kate shook her head and he launched into an explanation. It was not something he particularly liked to talk about, but she needed to know. "Because after Kyra, I was so hurt that I thought it wasn't worth it to ever go through that again. So I went for meaningless instead so that I would never have to experience that pain again. But once Meredith got pregnant, I wanted to do the right thing, so I married her." He paused to take a breath. "And then she cheated on me, and not only was I hurt again, but I felt like I just wasn't good enough for a relationship. Every one I'd been in had failed, and I blamed myself. But there was Alexis to think about, and Gina came along, and she was a good role model, and I figured we could at least be happy even if it wasn't that great. And we were...happy enough, anyways. It was never true love, though, but I felt like it was all that I deserved. Plus, it was easier that way. Hell, it's always easier that way." He looked at her and found that her eyes were fixed on him. He reached out and gently took her hand before continuing. "But then you came along, and reminded me what could be. I fell for you so hard, Kate, and it's terrifying, but it's so worth it. Even just spending time with you makes me happier than I've been in years. So yes, I have a bad history, but it's because I was afraid to give anyone the chance to hurt me."

"That's what scares me," she admitted.

"What is?"

"How much I could hurt you. How much you could hurt me," she paused. "How much you already have, without even knowing it." It slipped out before she had a chance to stop herself.

"I already have….what?" he asked, shocked.

"Never mind," Kate backtracked quickly, not wanting to get into that right now.

"No, tell me," Castle said. "I want to know."

Kate looked away, gathering her courage, before she looked back at him and spoke softly. "Last summer."

"When I left?" he asked and she nodded in response. "You were with someone, what was I supposed to do?"

"I wasn't," she admitted. "I broke up with him, I was going to tell you…."she trailed off but he filled in the blanks immediately.

"Oh, God, Kate….I'm so sorry," he apologized. "I had no idea. I'm so, so sorry."

"It's okay, it was probably mostly my fault anyways. But we weren't even together then and watching you walk away was so painful. I just….I couldn't take it if that happens again," she said, and the pain was evident in her voice.

"It won't, Kate," Castle replied confidently. "I can promise you that. Once I'm in, I'm in for good." One look in his eyes told her that he was being completely sincere.

"I feel like that should be enough," Kate said sadly. "But it's not. I just...I need..."

Suddenly it all fell into place for Castle. "It's not just me that you don't trust, is it?" he asked gently.

She shook her head. "No." After everything she had been through lately, she was having trouble trusting anyone.

At this, anger surged through Castle; anger at the men who had earned her trust and then completely shattered it. Kate had already fought to recover from her mother's murder and before Castle had gotten a chance to show her how to trust again, she had learned of Royce's and Montgomery's betrayals. And after what they had done to her, he did not blame her for not trusting anyone. However, he hoped that she could make an exception. For him. "I hate what they did to you, Kate," Castle admitted. "Royce and Montgomery. You don't deserve to be treated like that. But in a way, they both redeemed themselves, and I think that they both would want you to move on and be happy and not allow their mistakes to hold you back."

"It's not that easy."

"I know it's not," Castle assured her. "I know it's painful and I know it's going to take time, but I really would like it if you would let me be the one to help you through this."

"I don't know if I can, Rick," Kate said. She saw a hurt look pass through her eyes and quickly clarified, "No, no, I don't mean that I don't want to," she said. "I mean that I'm not sure I know how to."

"I'll wait," he said, without hesitation. "And I'll help you through it, one step at a time. I'll do _anything,_ Kate, if it means you'll give us a shot."

His words shocked her, not only because of _what_ he had said, but because of the _tone_ in which he had spoken. It was possibly the most honest thing she had ever heard him say, and it took her breath away. She glanced away, taking a moment to compose herself and to convince herself that she was about to do the right thing. After a few seconds, she looked up at him again, meeting his expectant eyes, and said the one word Castle had waited so long to hear.

"Okay." He froze. _Did she really just say that?_ he thought. _Did she really just agree to give us a shot?_ Her voice snapped him out of his haze. "Castle?"

"Huh? Sorry.…wait….really?" he managed.

"I thought writers were supposed to be eloquent," Kate teased.

"I….am, I'm just….you really want to give us a shot?" he stammered, hardly daring to believe that this was happening.

"Yes, Rick, I do. And don't forget to breathe or I have a feeling we won't make it very far."

"You," he said, instinctively leaning in to kiss her forehead, "just made me the happiest guy in New York."

"I think I have something that can make you even happier," she teased with a smile.

"I doubt it," he replied, glad that their normal banter had already found a place in their new relationship.

"Come here." she motioned him towards her.

He scooted closer, unsure of what to expect, so when she leaned in to kiss him, he was taken completely by surprise. It was soft and sweet and full of promise and affection, and when she pulled away, he kept his eyes closed for a moment, savoring the sensation. After a couple seconds, Kate opened her eyes to see the widest smile covering his face.

"Still doubt me?" she asked triumphantly, unable to suppress her own goofy grin.

He looked at her, his eyes twinkling, and Kate could not recall the last time she saw him this happy. "Never."

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	11. Chapter 10

_Author's Note: Another shorter chapter, but it seemed like a natural stopping point. Also, because I haven't said it in a while, thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has read/reviewed/alerted this story! Your response has just blown me away! You guys are amazing! And a special shout out to phnxgrl who was my 200th reviewer! _

**Chapter 10 **

During the rest of the week, Castle and Kate shared a bed-and a brief goodnight kiss-every night, but aside from that, their new….whatever it was….had not gone very far. Castle had known from the start that it was going to be a fight the whole way, but he had not anticipated that it would get worse before it got better. However, it seemed as though Kate had become even more closed off in recent days and when he had tried to ask her what was wrong an hour ago, she had snapped at him and shut herself in her bedroom.

He knew he should leave her alone, he really did, but he hated fighting with her and wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and make all of the pain go away. Against his better judgment, he softly knocked on her door. "Kate?"

"What?" Her voice sounded strained.

"Can I come in?"

"No."

_Damn,_ he thought. She had not even hesitated. "Please?" He was begging now but he could not help himself. "Whatever's the matter, I want to help fix it."

"I don't need your help, Castle."

She was back to calling him Castle. This was definitely not good. "I know you don't but I'm offering anyways."

"No."

He sensed a finality to her tone and realized he better give up before he made things worse. "Okay, I'll be in my office if you need me." He retreated to his office and poured himself a glass of scotch. When Martha came home an hour later, he was absently swirling the amber liquid in his glass and staring blankly at the wall, and she immediately realized that something was wrong.

"Darling?" She poked her head into the room. "Everything alright?"

He never had been able to lie convincingly to his mother. He sighed. "No."

"Oh, Richard, what's wrong?" Martha flounced across the room and sat on the corner of his desk.

"I don't know. Kate's been….something's wrong and she won't tell me and….I'm her partner, she should feel comfortable telling me when something's upsetting her."

"Partner?" Martha asked suspiciously. "Don't think I haven't noticed the recent changes between the two of you."

"Well…."

"So are you finally…." Martha trailed off and waved her hands in some gesture that Castle assumed meant 'together?'

"I'm not sure what we are," he admitted. "I thought we were but now I don't know."

"Maybe you need to clarify that with her."

"That's a bit difficult when she won't speak to me." The pain was evident in his voice and Martha reached out and took her son's hands.

"Richard, dear, maybe she just needs some space," she suggested. "She's been in your house for the last two and a half weeks. She sees you every day and I know you've been spending the night in her room. Maybe she just needs some time for herself."

"But why can't she just tell me that?"

"Because you'll sit and pout like you are now and then she'll feel bad about asking."

"I'm not pouting."

Martha patted her son's cheek. "Of course you are. So while you sit here and mope, I'm going to go see if she needs anything." With a final pat to his cheek, Martha stood and made her way to Kate's bedroom door.

When she reached the door, Martha pressed her ear against it and was saddened to hear sobbing. She steeled herself for what was probably going to be a difficult conversation before knocking. "Kate?"

On the other side of the door, Kate took a deep breath and wiped her eyes before responding. "Come in."

Martha opened the door and met Kate's eyes briefly before Kate looked away, burying her head in her hands. Martha sat on the edge of the bed next to Kate and began to rub her back soothingly. "Just let it out," she encouraged.

After a couple more minutes, Kate managed to rein herself in and looked up at Martha through teary eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Darling, you have no reason to apologize," Martha said. "Sometimes we all just need a good cry."

"But I should apologize," Kate sniffed. "I've been so horrible."

"You're injured, we all understand."

Kate shook her head. "Rick doesn't. He didn't do anything wrong but I got mad at him for no reason and now I feel terrible."

"He understands, darling," Martha said reassuringly. "He's a bit upset, but he understands."

"How can he? I haven't even told him why I was upset."

"He knows you much better than you give him credit for," Martha observed.

Kate smiled in spite of her tears. "I know he does. Gosh, Martha, he knows exactly what I need and he's always there to give it to me or to just be there for me and what have I done for him? Nothing. I've done nothing, except be a complete bitch to him. He doesn't deserve that."

Martha reached out and gently pulled Kate in for a hug. "Kate, you've done so much more than you realize," she said. "You're here, allowing him to take care of you. You're watching movies with him and sharing your pain with him and curling up with him at night and…."

"Well this just got embarrassing," Kate blurted, pulling out of Martha's embrace.

"Yes, I know you're sharing a room," Martha said nonchalantly. "And you know what….you're adults, you care about each other, and there is no need to justify your actions. But my point was that you're sharing your life with him and that's giving him far more than you realize."

"How?"

"Because it shows that you trust him, Kate," Martha began. "And I've never seen him work so hard to earn somebody's trust. You know he cares about you and he wants nothing more than to be a part of your life, and you're giving him that opportunity. Not to mention everything else he had gained from working with you. He's grown up so much, he's a better person because of you. You have to realize that."

"I do," Kate admitted. "I've seen how much he's grown. Most of the time," she added with a laugh.

"And that's all thanks to your influence," Martha told her. "So don't ever believe that you haven't given him anything."

"I never thought about it that way," Kate admitted.

"Well, I promise you, it's true."

"So what do I do?" Kate could not believe she had found herself asking Martha for advice. However, it appeared as though the woman was much wiser than she often let on.

"Talk to him," Martha advised. "Keep sharing things with him. He treasures every little thing he learns about you, Kate, so keep doing that. Show him that you trust him."

She nodded. "Okay."

Martha reached out and brushed a final tear from Kate's cheek. "Now that that's fixed, how's the rest of you feeling today?"

"Better." She had improved a lot this week, her main accomplishment being that she could now climb a flight of stairs without getting winded. "I'm finally starting to feel stronger."

"That's wonderful," Martha said happily. "You're looking more like yourself again too. When do you get to go back to work?"

"Part time in about two weeks, full time hopefully in a month, but only desk duty."

"Well, that's coming right up," Martha said encouragingly. "You'll be back at it in no time."

"I hope so."

Martha smiled. "Alright, well I'm going to head to bed. Keep smiling, okay?"

"I will." Kate watched as the older woman headed for the door. "Martha….thank you."

"No, thank _you_, Kate, for being a part of our lives." And just like that, Kate felt her eyes fill with tears again. What was it with this family and their ability to make her feel so loved?

* * *

><p>Kate took a few minutes to compose herself before going off in search of Castle. She owed him an explanation, an apology, and probably so much more than that. His bedroom door was closed and she considered waiting until morning, but she knew she would not be able to sleep until she talked to him. No, scratch that; she would not be able to sleep without him.<p>

When Castle heard a tentative knock on his door, he knew there was only one person it could be. Alexis was gone for two more days and his mother never came into his bedroom. He put aside his novel and braced himself for a conversation that was liable to take off in any direction. "Come in."

"Hey." Kate slipped through the door, shutting it behind her, but did not move towards him at all.

"Hey."

"Did I wake you?"

He gestured to the book and the illuminated lamp. "No." He would not have slept anyways, not without her in his arms.

"Good." Castle really wanted her to come over to him. He wanted to snuggle up to her like he had done for the past few nights. But most of all, he wanted everything between them to be okay, so he would do this at her pace. Kate glanced around the room; this was the first time she had ever been in his bedroom. She was stalling and she knew it. "I'm sorry," she said finally, forcing herself to meet his eyes.

"It's okay, Kate," Castle replied.

"No, Rick, it's not," she said, seeming to gain confidence with every word. "I've treated you like crap and you don't deserve that."

"Did I do something to upset you?" he asked worriedly.

"Not really," Kate responded.

"Not really?"

"Well, you just….Castle, you've done so much for me lately….making sure I'm comfortable and stuff. And I guess I was just feeling….undeserving."

"What? How?"

"I feel like I don't deserve you, Rick," Kate said bluntly. "You're so good to me and in return I yell at you and tell you to go away and….and you put up with it anyways."

"You deserve so much more than me, Kate," he said sincerely.

One look at his face told her he was being completely truthful. "You really believe that?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation. "God, Kate, you're beautiful and smart and tough and compassionate and so far out of my league."

She moved towards him then, settling herself on the edge of his bed, facing him. "I just want you, Rick," she whispered. "You give me everything I need." She reached for his hand. "You _are_ everything I need. I know I'm terrible at showing it, but you mean so much to me."

"How did I get so lucky?" he asked softly, shaking his head, more to himself than to her.

Kate tentatively leaned forward so her forehead rested against his shoulder. "The same way I did," she murmured.

He rested his cheek on the top of her head and they were quiet for a moment. "So is that what was bothering you?" he asked tentatively. He did not want to upset her again, but he also wanted to make sure that things between them were sorted out.

"Pretty much," she admitted. "I was just wallowing, I guess, feeling bad for letting you take care of me and not doing anything in return."

"You're letting me take care of you," Castle repeated. "That _is_ doing something for me."

"That's what your mother said."

Castle jerked his head up. "My mother talked to you?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well because she said she was going to check on you but I didn't think she'd talk to you about me."

"Well she really just came to see how I was doing and I kind of….unloaded on her."

"Well, in that case, I'm glad she was there."

"Me too."

"But really, Kate, the fact that you're letting me take care of you means more than you'll ever realize," he admitted. "I know you don't need it, but I love that I'm the one you turn to when you want someone. I've just….I've wanted this for so long. I've wanted us."

"Me too," she confessed. "I'm sorry I fought it for so long."

"Don't be," Castle said quickly. She looked at him questioningly. "I don't think the time was right before now. I think we would have messed it up. Or at least _I_ would have."

"I still might," Kate said worriedly. "I've already proven I suck at this."

"And I told you, I'll help you, Kate. And I'll wait for as long as you need."

She shook her head disbelievingly. "This is why I don't deserve you."

Castle pulled her to his chest and planted a kiss on the top of her head. "Well you're stuck with me anyways." They fell into silence again and he felt Kate relaxing against him. "Sleepy?" he asked softly.

"Yeah." Her mumble was lost in the front of his shirt. She lifted her head. "Can I stay in here?"

"Of course." He scooted over to make room for her and she slithered under the covers. It took her about half a second to decide that his bed was incredibly comfortable. She would probably never be able to sleep in hers again. He reached over her to switch off the lamp and as his arm moved back over her, she caught it and wrapped it around herself.

That Kate was such a fan of cuddling had been a surprise for Castle….a very welcome surprise. Although he wanted more-when she was fully healed, of course-for now, cuddling with Kate was more than enough for him. He would never tire of having her wrapped in his arms, of running his fingers through her hair, of waking up with their legs tangled together and her head buried in his chest.

Once they were situated, Kate raised her head and planted a kiss on the corner of his mouth. "Thanks, Rick. For everything."

He leaned in so his forehead rested against her. "You're so welcome, Kate."

They stayed still for a long moment, and though it was dark, they could each tell that they were looking the other straight in the eyes. At long last, Kate tilted her head up and their lips met, soft and warm. Unlike their previous kisses, this time she lingered, moving her lips gently against his, and he responded in kind, certain the whole neighborhood could hear his heart pounding. When they finally separated, they returned to their previous positions, foreheads leaned together, savoring the connection.

"It just gets better every time," Castle whispered once he had regained the ability to speak.

When she felt his warm breath on her mouth, Kate instinctively leaned in and kissed him again. "Yep," she agreed when she pulled away, "it does."

"Good night, Kate," he breathed as she settled her head back down into his chest.

"Night."

As her breathing slowed, Castle pulled her even closer, burying his nose in her hair and planting a kiss to the top of her head. He could tell when she finally drifted off and only then did he speak the words he had been holding back since the moment she woke up in the hospital.

She thought it might have been a dream, but the last thing that Kate heard as sleep finally overtook her was Castle's whispered _I love you._

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><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	12. Chapter 11

_Author's Note: Is it bad that I'm jealous of my characters? Well, not mine, but you get the idea. I want my own Rick Castle! __This one is fluffy and maybe a bit cheesy...enjoy!_

**Chapter 11 **

Kate woke the next morning to the feeling of Castle running his fingers through her hair. He had one arm underneath her and the other was cradling her head to his chest and combing through her curls. She felt so loved and cared for and wondered, not for the first time, how Castle could have so much power over her. No one else had ever made her feel this way; then again, she had never truly allowed anyone else that opportunity. There was just something about him that made her feel comfortable letting him into her life. The knowledge of how completely they would crash and burn if this ever went wrong still scared her, but his patience and understanding and the fact that he kept coming back helped to alleviate some of that fear. No matter what had her freaked out, he had an answer. Whatever was troubling her, he was there to help. And regardless of how she treated him, he refused to leave her. He was in this for the long haul, a thought which was simultaneously wonderful and terrifying to Kate. Never in a million years had she ever dreamed that she would be sharing a bed with Richard Castle, let alone dating him in what seemed destined for a very long-term relationship. Kate knew he probably wanted even more than that but she was not willing to think about anything more just yet. For now, waking up in his arms and staying with him and his family was going to have to do.

Kate sighed contentedly at the thought of waking up to this every day and she felt Castle press a kiss to the top of her head. "Morning," she murmured, lifting her head to look at him.

He was looking at her with such a tender gaze and she felt butterflies beginning to form in her stomach. "Good morning, gorgeous," he said softly, placing a hand on her cheek. At this, the butterflies erupted in full force and Kate blushed and looked down. Castle wasted no time in lifting her chin back up so that she was looking at him. "What?" he asked gently.

"I'm….I….I just woke up," Kate stammered. "I have bed head and morning breath and….no makeup, and….you really think I'm….?" she could not bring herself to finish her sentence. She was not even sure that her stuttering string of words counted as a real sentence.

"Absolutely," he replied without hesitation. He could tell she did not believe him and began to elaborate. "Wanna know why?" Without even giving her a chance to answer, he began to explain. "Your hair is so pretty and really soft," he combed his fingers through it, "and you have an amazing smile," he traced her mouth with his thumb, "and your eyes….God, Kate, they're incredible." She could hear the awe in his voice and felt herself blushing again. "You say so much with them, and I can read what's going on in your mind just by looking at them, and I could just stare at them all day." He gently ran the pad of his thumb under both eyes, his gaze never leaving hers.

She knew he thought highly of her, but this was a complete surprise. He had been with so many women, surely she was not _that_ special. She opened her mouth to speak, to protest, to assure him that she was no different from anyone else, but for some reason, no words came out.

"Don't fight it," Castle said, softly but firmly, placing his finger on her lips to silence her. "I mean it, Kate. I meant everything I just said, and don't let anyone convince you that you are anything less than extraordinary. I want you to believe that, for me, please. Believe that you are an amazing person. Believe that you deserve so much more than you settle for. Because you do."

Suddenly not caring about her morning breath, Kate pulled him in for a kiss, hoping to convey through her actions what she was not able to put into words. Poor communication had gotten in their way for so long, but now that they were together, Castle seemed to have no qualms about saying whatever was on his mind, especially when it had to do with her. Kate, on the other hand, still struggled with it. She did not have his way with words; most relationship-oriented things she said came out as a jumbled mess. And while it was something she had vowed to work on, for now she decided to let her actions do the talking.

* * *

><p>An hour later, they were still in bed and Castle was once again gently massaging Kate's back. Physical therapy was gradually becoming less painful but Kate still spent most of her days aching all over. Between his massages and lying on a heating pad, though, she managed to keep the pain at a bearable level. Kate let out a long sigh and he felt her drifting back to sleep so he stilled his hands and leaned forward to plant a kiss on her neck.<p>

"How's it feeling?" he asked.

"Better. Keep going."

"I would, but the guys and Lanie will be here in a little over an hour and we both need to get ready," Castle reminded her.

"Right." She had completely forgotten about that. Things at the precinct had been crazy lately, with Kate out recovering and the new captain, and Ryan and Esposito had not had much of a chance to stop by and say hello. To make up for it, they had planned a day of food, games, movies, and just hanging out.

"You sure you're okay with this?" Castle asked, seeming to pick up on her hesitance.

Kate forced herself to relax. She wanted to see them and she wanted her life to feel a little more normal and this was a good place to start. "Yeah, it'll be good to see everyone again."

"As long as you're sure."

Kate turned to face him. "I am."

"Okay. But I need to go shower and start getting the food together," Castle said as he stood. "Do you need anything?"

Kate stood after him. "Yeah," she said timidly. Castle turned around and found himself wrapped up in a hug. Kate's shoulder was now healed enough that she could hug properly and it had recently become one of her favorite positions.

Castle hugged her back, pulling her close. "What?" he asked.

"What?" Kate asked, confused.

"You said you needed something," he clarified.

"And you're giving it to me," she said as they stepped apart.

He bent down and gave her a chaste kiss before they went their separate ways. "Glad to be of service. Come find me in the kitchen when you're done."

Thirty minutes later, Kate padded into the kitchen, wearing yoga pants and a zip-up hoodie. She still struggled to pull shirts over her head and get her arm in the sleeve, although she had managed it the other day with a lot of help from Lanie. She had no intention of trying it without help, though, so a zip-up was her best option.

Castle was standing at a counter mixing batter for waffles and there were eggs and bacon sizzling on the stove. As usual, he sensed her presence and turned around, smiling as he took her in. She was barefoot, wearing just a bit of makeup, and her hair was falling around her shoulders in damp waves. This softer, more laid-back side of Kate was still so new to him and, as in every other facet of her life, she was a constant surprise.

Castle's stirring motion faltered and Kate looked at him curiously. "What?"

"Nothing, I just….you…." he stammered. It was kind of comical to see him stumble over his words when that was the one thing he normally relied on in any situation.

Kate walked over to him, fully intending to tease him about his lack of eloquence, when she suddenly found herself wrapped in his arms. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of seeing you like this," he said in a low voice.

"Like what? Dressed in sweats?" Kate asked, trying to ignore the shiver that raced down her spine at the feel of his lips brushing her ear as he talked.

"Here at the loft," he answered. "Fresh out of the shower, or straight out of bed. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing you all done up for work with your eyeliner and your heels and everything, but this right now is even better."

"Rick…." Kate had never been particularly comfortable accepting compliments, especially when they were spoken in such a sincere tone, and he was laying it on this morning.

"Too much?" he asked, loosening his grip on her so he could see her face.

"A bit," she admitted.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I just….you were feeling like you weren't giving me anything and I just want you to know how much things like this mean to me. That you let me see you first thing in the morning and dressed in sweats means a lot, Kate. I just want you to understand that."

"I realize that now, Rick," she assured him. "I'm just not used to this."

"Not used to what?" he probed gently.

"People saying things like that," she clarified. "I don't think anyone's ever told me they liked seeing me like this."

"Well I promise to do so more often." He pulled her close again for one more hug and then, sensing her desire to change the topic, asked, "Now, would you like to help with brunch?"

"Sure, what can I do?"

* * *

><p>When Martha made her way into the kitchen ten minutes later, Kate was filling bowls with strawberries and blueberries to be used as waffle toppings, and Castle was working the waffle iron. It was not lost on the older woman how domestic the whole situation was but knowing what she did from the previous evening, she opted to keep that particular thought to herself.<p>

"Good morning," she announced cheerfully, helping herself to a strawberry.

"Morning, mother."

"Good morning Martha." They spoke at the same time and shared a laugh, which Martha took to mean that all was well.

"Making breakfast for the entire city?" she asked as she moved about the kitchen, making her morning coffee.

"The guys and Lanie are coming over," Castle reminded her. "You're staying for brunch aren't you?"

"Ah, yes, I do recall you saying that. But alas, I have to go in to rehearsal in a few minutes." She snatched another strawberry from the bowl and Castle took a swing at her hand with the spatula he was holding.

"Richard!"

"Rick!" Kate admonished.

Castle momentarily looked like he was watching a game of ping-pong; he was alternating his gaze back and forth between Kate and Martha, trying to figure out how they had already managed to gang up on him. "Now that's not fair," he whined. "I'm going to have to keep you two separated so you can't do that."

"Do what?" Kate asked innocently.

Martha just rolled her eyes. "Keep him in line while I'm gone, dear," she said to Kate as she picked up her travel mug and purse and headed for the door. "I'll see you two later."

As Martha left, Kate turned around to find Castle leaning against the counter pouting. While he looked absolutely adorable, Kate suddenly had the urge to wipe the pout right off of his face, and she knew just how to do it. She sauntered over and placed a hand on his cheek before leaning in to kiss his protruding lower lip, sucking on it and pulling it into her mouth. She bit it gently before teasing it with her tongue and then stepped back to see him grinning.

"What was that for?"

Kate patted his cheek. "Pouting isn't a good look for you."

"But my dearest detective, if that's what happens every time I pout, it may just become my expression of choice."

"Next time you'll just be getting a slap," she teased. He stepped towards her but she held her hand out to stop him. "Your waffles are ready, Mr. Chef."

"Way to kill the mood," he grumbled as he turned back to the counter.

Kate picked up the bowls of fruit and moved to set them on the table. "Blame the waffles."

As they finished preparing brunch, Kate found herself having the same thoughts that had crossed Martha's mind a few minutes earlier. Cooking was something she rarely did, and it was strange to her how, with Castle, it just felt right. It felt natural. They moved about the kitchen without colliding with each other, chatting about plans for the day and the fact that Alexis would be back the next day, the whole time putting together the fixings for a large brunch. Kate had never thought herself a domestic person, but with Castle, things seemed to be different. Hell, everything with Castle was different. They did not do anything the normal way, Kate was beginning to realize, but she kind of liked it. Everything they did was a surprise and it kept her on her toes in a way no other relationship ever had. And while it still scared her how quickly everything had changed, yet still managed to feel so normal, it was moments like this that gave her glimpses of a possible future with Castle.

A knock at the door startled Kate from her thoughts and she set aside the dishes she was holding and went to answer it.

"Beckett!" A surprised Ryan was obviously expecting to see Castle opening the door.

"Hey, Ryan," Kate greeted as she stepped back, allowing them in.

"How have you been lately?" He had not stopped by in a week and it appeared that Beckett was doing much better.

"Not bad," she answered, shutting the door and leading him to the kitchen. "I'm actually starting to feel like I'm capable of going back to work."

"That's good. Two weeks, right?"

"Yeah."

"It'll be good to have you two back. Hey, Castle." Ryan raised a hand in greeting and Castle turned around with a grin.

"Hey, glad you made it."

There was another knock at the door and Kate left the two guys to catch up and went to answer it. As expected, it was Lanie and Esposito.

"Hey, girl." Lanie stepped forward to give her a hug.

"Hey," Kate said with a smile as she returned the hug. It really was good to see everyone again.

"Answering the door at someone else's house, huh?" Esposito asked by way of greeting. Lanie elbowed him in response but Kate just rolled her eyes.

"He's in the kitchen making waffles," she explained, giving nothing away. "And it's good to see you too."

"Sarcasm is back, that's a good sign," he teased, giving her a gentle pat on the shoulder. "It's nice to see you up and moving, Beckett."

Five minutes later, all five of them were settled around the table, devouring large quantities of food. There was a platter of waffles, bowls of fruit, obscene amounts of whipped cream and syrup, more eggs and bacon than they would ever eat, and juice, milk and coffee. It was delicious and a comfortable silence fell as they ate.

"Castle, bro, I didn't know you could cook," Esposito said as he helped himself to seconds.

"One of my many talents," he said, giving a dramatic bow while remaining seated, and accidentally sticking his nose in his whipped cream in the process.

"How old are you again?" Kate teased as he cleaned his face. He just grinned and Kate smiled back, holding his gaze, leaving the other detectives staring in confusion.

"Uh, something we missed?" Ryan asked.

"What?" Kate snapped out of her reverie. "No, why?"

"Just….never mind." Ryan opted to leave that one alone for now.

Kate glanced back at Castle, who was busying himself with cutting his waffle. It seemed as though they had reached an unspoken agreement regarding the secrecy of their relationship, and while Kate knew she would tell the guys eventually, she figured it was best kept under wraps until she knew where the new captain stood on the issue. If she was completely against it, then the fewer people who knew, the easier it would be to hide. And if not, well, then she and Castle would be able to enjoy their new relationship in private. Sooner or later, the press would find out, and while she was not thrilled about that aspect, it was something she would just have to deal with as it happened. That she was willing to put up with that to be with him made her realize just how much he meant to her. Never in the past had she even considered giving up a significant part of her life for a boyfriend. But aside from the publicity issue, she knew that he would never ask her to give up anything or change who she was for him. He knew her, and he loved her, and while having _the_ Richard Castle be in love with you was daunting, Kate also realized that it was the best thing that had even happened to her.

For his part, Castle knew that privacy was paramount for Kate, and figured he would let her come clean about it on her own terms. Besides, he was in no hurry to have the press hounding him and following them everywhere. His mother had figured it out, of course, and he would tell Alexis when she came home, but aside from that, no one else needed to know. As these thoughts crossed his mind, he realized just how much he had grown up since he had started shadowing Kate. Even a year ago, he would not necessarily have minded having his latest relationship spread across page six. That Kate made him a better person was one of the things he loved the most about her. He kept her smiling and she kept him grounded. They were an unstoppable team when it came to crime solving and even more unstoppable when it came to teasing each other. She kept him on his toes and was always there to put him in his place. He glanced over at her, laughing with Lanie about who knows what, and the joy on her face brought a smile to his. Never before had someone else's happiness meant so much to him, never before had he wanted to give so much to a relationship, regardless of what he received in return. And that was how he knew that he not only loved her, but had fallen hopelessly_ in_ love with her.

And he was never letting her go.

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	13. Chapter 12

_Author's Note: I admit up front, this is another one of my emotional rollercoaster chapters. There's confusion, there's stubbornness, there's teasing, there's fun with the crew from the 12th, and there's fluff! Enjoy!_

**Chapter 12**

Once brunch was cleaned up, the five of them settled in to play some poker. After a few rounds, Kate excused herself to use the bathroom, and within a few seconds, the conversation switched to sports and video games. Lanie took this as her chance to escape and went off in search of Kate, leaving the three guys to their own devices.

She caught up to her just as the bathroom door opened. "Lanie!" Kate jumped backwards in surprise. "What are you doing?"

"They're getting ready to play Madden, so I thought I'd flee while I could," she explained. "I get creamed every time Javi and I play."

"Wanna just hang out and talk for a while?" Kate asked. Lanie nodded eagerly and they headed into Kate's room and settled on the bed. "Speaking of _Javi,_ how are things with you two?"

"They're going really well but that's not what I wanted to talk about," Lanie said slyly. Aside from Martha, Lanie was the only other person who knew what was going on between the detective and the author. Kate knew where this was going right away and was prepared to dodge as many questions as possible. "So how are things with your loverboy?" Leave it to Lanie to dive right in.

"Lanie, he's not my loverboy," Kate protested.

"Please tell me you've at least told him," Lanie begged. Kate looked away and Lanie put a hand on her arm. "Kate, why not?"

"Because I….it's too soon," Kate managed. "It's too soon, isn't it? God, we've barely been together a week."

"Yeah, but you've known each other for three years," Lanie pointed out.

"I know, but it….I'm….it's all too fast," she stammered. "We're practically living together. We spend every night together. Alexis doesn't even know yet. It's just….everything's changed so fast and I just….I can't say it yet, Lanie. It doesn't seem right."

"It doesn't seem right, or it _does_ seem right and you feel like it shouldn't?" Lanie asked gently. Sometimes she could read Kate almost as well as Castle.

"It's….this got serious really fast, Lanie, and it's too much at once."

"Serious how?" Lanie queried. "You can't do _that_ yet."

"No, no, not that," Kate said quickly. "Just….I know he wants….more….out of this relationship."

"More how? Is he pushing you?"

"No, not at all. Just….more as in long-term," Kate explained, ignoring the way her heart pounded even as she spoke the words. "As in forever."

Lanie gasped. "He _told_ you that?"

"No," Kate shook her head. "But I can tell, you know. By the things he says. By the way he treats me. I mean, he told my dad he would wait forever, he's told me he'll wait as long as I need, he's willing to help me through anything to make this work. He's….he's really, really serious about this, Lanie."

"Of course he is, sweetie," she said with a smile. "That man is so in love with you."

Kate could not hide her own smile. "I know, Lanie, it's just….it's a lot to get used to."

"But you want that too, right?" Lanie asked softly.

"Shouldn't it be too early to even be thinking about that?" Kate asked in an attempt to dodge the question.

"Same argument as before, Kate," Lanie said. "You've known him for years."

"Yeah, but…."

"But nothing, Kate," Lanie said firmly. "Hell, I've known for a while that this was going to happen. It doesn't matter how long you've been dating. It's so obvious that you're perfect for each other."

Kate rolled her eyes. "No we're not. We're complete opposites and we drive each other crazy."

"You're not complete opposites," Lanie fought back. Kate needed to understand this. "Sure, you're different in a lot of ways, but in some ways you're so similar. You share a lot of interests, you're both passionate and strong, and when you're together, you guys can make it through anything. Plus, you bring out the best in each other, Kate, and you make each other better people. That's what's important."

Kate buried her face in her hands. "God, Lanie, it's just so intimidating and so…."

As Kate trailed off, Lanie suddenly understood what was holding her back. "It's so real." She finished the sentence for her and Kate nodded, her head still in her hands. "You haven't said it because it makes it all real." It was not a question.

"Yeah," Kate admitted, lifting her head to meet her friend's eyes, and Lanie did not miss the fear reflected in them. "I'm still recovering, I'm not back to work yet. I can't be deciding on the rest of my life when my current life has just collapsed around me."

"Telling him you love him is not deciding the rest of your life, Kate." She opened her mouth to protest and Lanie held up a hand. "You've told other people you love them, I know you have, and it didn't mean that."

"But this is different," Kate protested. She was being stubborn and she knew it, but she would not be Kate Beckett if she did not fight this.

"No, honey, it's really not," Lanie pressed.

"But it is. It means so much more this time. What if it messes things up?"

Lanie had to force back a snort. "Kate, he told you over a month ago that he loves you and you guys are still here _and_ you're now together. You're just making up excuses, you and I both know that."

"But Lanie…."

"Do not 'but Lanie' me." It was time to be direct. "He's not a mind reader, Kate, and he deserves to know how you feel. If you can't be open and honest with him, you guys are never going to make it. I get that you're scared, honey, but what you two have….it's absolutely amazing, and I am not going to sit here and watch you hide from it. We both know that you trust him and we both know that you love him, so stop fighting it and let him love you, Kate. If anyone deserves that, it's you."

Kate shook her head and Lanie could see the tears forming in her eyes. "Why are you shaking your head?" she asked gently.

Kate wiped a tear from her cheek. "Castle said something just like that the night we fought."

"Something like what?"

"He said that I deserve to be happy and that I'm…..afraid of it," Kate recalled. "And then last night he told me he thinks I deserve more than him."

"He's right," Lanie agreed. "You deserve happiness, Kate. All of us want that for you. And you know your mother would too."

"It's…."

"I know you're afraid," she interrupted, anticipating what Kate had been about to say. "But anything worthwhile is scary, Kate, and if you don't face down your fears, you're going to be missing out on the greatest part of life. You just need to trust him and stop fighting it."

"I'm missing a lot, aren't I?"

"I wish I could say no," Lanie said sadly, "but yes, you are. But you've found someone who makes you happy, Kate, so take advantage of it."

"I'm working on it, Lanie," she said honestly. "I'm trying to let him in."

"Well keep it that way," she instructed. "Because he's the best thing that ever happened to you."

Once Lanie was sure that Kate was beginning to see the light, she allowed the conversation to drift back to the topic of her and Esposito. Now it was Kate's turn to poke fun at her friend, but Lanie did not mind.

Before they knew it, they had talked for two hours and were startled out of their conversation by a knock on the door frame. "Hey," Castle said softly as he entered the room.

"Hey," Kate greeted, and Lanie smiled as she watched her friend's face light up.

"What are you ladies up to?"

"Girl talk," Lanie answered with a smile. "How's Madden?"

"Done for now," Castle replied. "We were thinking about making some snacks and watching a movie. You guys want to join?"

Lanie and Kate looked at each other and nodded in agreement. "Sure," Lanie responded. She stood to leave, but not before shooting a very pointed look at Kate and saying, "remember what we talked about, girl." As she walked past Castle, she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into the hallway.

"Lanie, wha….?"

"If you hurt her, know that I will kill you and make it look like an accident and nobody will _ever_ find your body," Lanie said in a low but stern voice.

"I'm not going to hurt her," Castle assured her. "I love her, Lanie. And I'm in this for the long haul."

Lanie loosened her hold on his arm and stepped back a bit. "Just making sure we're on the same page," she said in a lighter voice. "And for the record, I'm happy for you two." With that, she headed for the living room, leaving a very stunned Castle standing in the hallway.

After a few moments, Castle poked his head back into the room and Kate could see that he was flustered. "You okay?" she asked.

"Well other than the fact that she just threatened me," he answered, joining her on the bed.

"Sorry about that," Kate apologized. She had seen Lanie do things like that before and it was not something she ever wanted to be on the receiving end of.

"Don't apologize," he said quickly. "She's looking out for you, Kate, and I'm glad she does that."

Kate smiled and he leaned in and captured her lips in a brief kiss. "We should probably go," she whispered as they pulled apart. "I think they're catching on already."

"I guess that happens when your best friends are detectives," Castle replied with a chuckle.

They stood and headed for the living room, careful to keep a normal amount of space between them. Kate hoped that no one would ask where they had been, but as soon as she saw the amount of food spread on the table, any other worries were completely forgotten. There were two giant bowls of popcorn, a bowl of trail mix, multiple types of chips, and a bowl each of salsa, sour cream, guacamole, and nacho cheese dip. The guys and Lanie were crowded around it, sampling some of everything and drinking beer.

"A few snacks?" Kate asked incredulously.

"I might have slightly understated it," Castle said sheepishly.

"Slightly?" Kate said immediately. "Aren't writers supposed to know the definitions of words like that?"

"Aren't house guests supposed to be thankful when their host feeds them?" he asked in a mock-annoyed tone.

Kate stuck her tongue out at him and grabbed a handful of popcorn. "I guess just this once I'll let your poor grammar skills slide."

Castle leaned in so his lips were close to her ear before whispering, "I'll be happy to let you punish me for it later though."

Kate whacked him on the chest jokingly before realizing that all eyes were now on them. "Castle," she hissed, pushing him away.

He suddenly seemed to remember where they were and took a step back. "Sorry." Ignoring the questioning looks of the two detectives and the 'mmhmm' look on Lanie's face, Castle helped himself to some chips. "So, did you guys pick a movie?"

* * *

><p>The rest of the day passed too quickly, and before they knew it, it was almost nine o'clock. After the movie, they had sat and talked for a while longer, almost finishing the mountain of snacks and downing a couple of beers each. It was a Saturday, and ordinarily all of them would have stayed longer, but Kate was exhausted so everyone headed off to allow her to sleep.<p>

After saying their goodbyes, Kate flopped back down on the sofa while Castle cleaned up. By the time he finished, she was dozing off, so rather that waking her, he scooped her up bridal style and carried her to his room.

"Rick what are you doing?" she mumbled into his chest.

"Putting you to bed," he responded, setting her gently on top of the comforter.

"What if I wasn't planning to stay in here tonight?" she asked, opening her eyes and taking in the fact that they were in his bedroom.

"Oh, well I just thought…." he began quickly.

"Relax, Rick, I'm teasing," Kate assured him. "Of course I want to stay with you."

"Good," he said as she stood and went in search of pajamas. "Because otherwise I might have to sneak into your room."

"Not if you want to keep both of your ears." Castle's hands instinctively flew to either side of his head, firmly covering his ears, and Kate laughed. "God, Rick, you're so easy." He opened his mouth to protest but she kept talking. "I'll be right back, I need my pajamas."

Kate returned a few minutes later, having brushed her teeth, pulled her hair back, and changed into shorts and a button-up shirt. It was not her usual nighttime attire, but she was not ready for Castle to see her in anything less just yet. Plus, she was pretty sure he would not be able to handle it.

The man in question was sitting on the bed with his phone in his hands, and Kate climbed on to sit next to him, glancing over his shoulder to see him sending a text to Alexis. "What time does she get home tomorrow?"

"Afternoon sometime. Probably around three." Kate nodded. She was pretty sure Alexis would be alright with the change in her and Castle's relationship, but nevertheless, her potential reaction was making Kate a bit nervous. "Don't worry, she'll be fine with it," Castle said, pulling one of his mind-reading stunts.

Kate smiled. "I hope so."

"She will." He set his phone on the bedside table and snuggled under the covers, holding them up for Kate to join him. Only then did he finally look up and realize that her hair was now in a ponytail. "You put your hair up," he observed.

"I don't like sleeping with it in my face."

"Oh."

"What?"

Castle reached out and ran his fingers through her ponytail. "I like it down. I like to play with it." He reached up and gently removed the rubberband, letting her hair fall freely around her shoulders.

"Rick," she admonished.

"I'll pull it back again, don't worry," he promised.

He began to run his fingers through it, gently massaging her scalp in the process, and she felt herself melting into him. "Mmmm, never mind, leave it down," she murmured.

"What?" he asked softly.

"Leave it down," she repeated, burrowing further into him. "I like when you do that."

He continued the motions and they lay there in silence for a few minutes, savoring their still-relatively-newfound closeness.

"You okay? You've been kind of quiet today," Castle said after a bit.

"Yeah, just thinking," she replied.

"Anything in particular?" he probed gently.

She lifted her head to look at him, sad to feel his fingers slide out of her hair. "Some things Lanie said."

"Wanna talk about them?" She hesitated. Did she? Was this the right time for this conversation? Everything Lanie had said today had been true. She _did_ love him. She _did_ want to be with him. And as much as the thought of forever still scared her, she wanted him to know that she was serious about them too. Just in the last week, she had become so accustomed to falling asleep with him that she did not know what she would do when she was fully recovered and would move back to her apartment. Part of her did not even want to move back; it wanted to just stay here with Castle and Alexis and Martha at the loft. In fact, it was a much larger part of her than she cared to admit.

Castle watched curiously as a whole bunch of emotions flashed through Kate's eyes. He could tell she was struggling with something, so he lay there patiently, gently covering her hand with his in a gesture of encouragement.

His touch was what finally pushed Kate to take the leap. It was another way of him showing her that he was there for her, for whatever she needed, and she knew that no matter how this conversation went, he would help her through it. Taking a deep breath, she began. "She said some of the same things you did, about me deserving to be happy."

"And?" he prompted.

"I think I'm starting to see what you mean." That had not been the answer he was expecting.

"What made you realize it?" he asked in surprise.

"You." Kate smiled and reached out to caress his cheek. "You're showing me what I've been missing. What I could have. And it terrifies me but I really want this to work, Rick. You make me so happy and I want this to be the real thing and I know I'm probably still going to fight it and hide from it, but I don't want to anymore."

Castle reached up and covered her hand with his own. "Then don't, Kate. Don't fight it. All I want is for you to be happy and I'm so glad you feel that way when you're around me. And I promise, if you will let me, I will do everything in my power to make sure you stay that way."

There he was again, promising to do anything and everything for her, and she felt her heart melt. It was not going to be easy for either of them, but she knew that he could be just as stubborn as she could and when she started to fight it, he would fight her back. "Okay," she whispered softly, leaning in for a kiss. "I'd like that."

A huge smile lit up Castle's face and Kate could not help but return one of her own. He reached out and traced her bottom lip with his thumb. "See, you're smiling already. And, God, Kate, I love your smile so much."

_Love._ There was that word again. He had been using it a lot lately. He had said it at least once in the hospital. He had said the previous night that he loved that she turned to him. He said this morning that he loved seeing her dressed up for work….and dressed down to spend the day at home. Now, he loved her smile. And last night, she was almost positive that he had actually whispered the words….that it was not a dream.

"You really do make me happy, you know." She figured she would start out small and work up to it.

"I'm glad," Castle replied in earnest. "Because you make me really happy too." She leaned in for another kiss and when they separated, he added, "especially when you do things like that."

Kate could not help it. Her mischievous side kicked in right away and she kissed him again, teasing his mouth with her tongue and running her fingers across his jaw and trailing them up and down his neck. Her intention was to simply drive him crazy, but she had not anticipated how quickly she would lose control as well. She was breathless almost instantly.

Finally Castle had to pull away. "Oh my God, Kate, you're going to be the death of me," he exclaimed as he caught his breath. If a kiss could make him lose control that quickly, he was not sure he would be able to survive anything more.

"Sure you can handle it, Rick?" she asked coyly, running a finger down his cheek.

"If not, then I can't think of a better way to die," he answered. "God, Kate that was amazing. You're amazing." His eyes were sparkling and his hair was adorably disheveled-thanks to her-and they were both grinning like love-struck teenagers.

"You're not so bad yourself," she said softly, quoting herself from a few months ago. She remembered the last time she had said those words and how she had gotten scared and run away. This time, she was not going to let things end that way.

They lay there in silence, unsaid words hanging in the air. Kate knew he was waiting for her to make the first move. He was not going to risk saying it first and scaring her away, and she did not blame him for that. She opened her mouth to speak, knowing that these three words would change her life forever. She had kept them to herself for so long, allowing herself to deny her feelings. This was her last chance to walk away, and though it would hurt, leaving the words unsaid allowed her an escape. _Who am I kidding,_ she thought, _it wouldn't just hurt, it would destroy me._ Leaving now would be more than she could bear. It would be something from which she would never recover. But for the first time ever, she found that she was okay with that. Scared as hell, but prepared to overcome her fears. She wanted to stay. She did not want to run anymore. She wanted to be happy. She wanted this to be the real thing. She was head over heels in love with him and they had just shared the most breathtaking kiss of her life. She was ready to face the truth, to embrace her feelings, and to let him know how she truly felt. Breaking through her last piece of armor, she spoke the four sweetest words that Castle had ever heard.

"I love you, Rick."

Castle's mouth dropped open. He could not believe what he had just heard. Kate Beckett loved him. She truly loved him. And he was pretty sure his heart had just skipped a few beats. Or maybe it had stopped beating altogether. He gradually managed to pick his jaw up off the ground and an enormous grin spread across his face, but he still did not say anything. He could not say anything. Once again, she had rendered him speechless.

"Rick?" she prompted.

"I….you….Kate….really?" was all he could manage.

Kate could not suppress her self-satisfied smile as she watched him struggle to speak. "Yes, Rick, really."

Still unable to form a sentence, he wrapped her up in a giant bear hug, pulled her so that she was lying on top of him, and kissed her passionately.

They broke apart only when oxygen became a necessity, and Castle once again tried to speak. "So amazing," he managed, still holding her firmly on top of him. "You have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that."

"I love you," she repeated breathily, her mouth next to his ear, and he shivered beneath her.

"I love you too, Kate," he managed, once again fighting to maintain some level of control and coherency. "So, _so_ much." His heart was pounding and his head was spinning as he pulled her in for another passionate kiss, cupping her face in his hands and pouring all of his love for her into the gesture.

They finally separated a few minutes later….or was it hours? They had both completely lost track of time. In fact, they had lost track of everything except for each other. They opened their eyes, meeting each other's gazes and leaning their foreheads together. Castle wrapped his arms around her, cocooning her in his embrace and she settled in easily, one of her arms slung around his midriff.

The only words spoken were whispered 'good nights' before they both drifted off to sleep with smiles on their faces.

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	14. Chapter 13

_Author's Note: So I'm spoiling you guys by updating every 2 or 3 days….because I'm leaving on a road trip in just over a week and I don't want to leave this unfinished….so the good news is that you get another chapter already! The bad news is that there are only going to be probably 5 or 6 more chapters. On a semi-related subject, I sent Alexis off to camp a while ago and I was pretty sure that I mentioned that it was only for two weeks….but if anybody has been keeping track, it's been more like a month. However, when I went back to double check, I couldn't even find it, so maybe it was all in my head. Long story short, Alexis was gone for about a month. Also, we head back to the precinct in this chapter; however, it is not my intention for this to be a case-related story, so while I might mention things about the new captain, I'm not planning to go into depth on her character, or to dive back into the Johanna Beckett murder. I'll leave that for the _real_ writers of the show. Now that I've written a mini novel up here, I'll let you move on to the chapter. Enjoy!_

**Chapter 13 **

Kate was sitting on the sofa with her father the following afternoon when Castle returned to the loft with Alexis in tow.

"Kate!" Alexis exclaimed the moment she was through the door. She left her suitcase and violin in the entryway and sat down next to Kate, pulling her into a one-armed hug.

"Hey, Alexis," she said, returning the gesture. "How was camp?"

"Really fun," Alexis enthused. "How are things here? How are you feeling?"

"A lot better," Kate replied honestly.

"That's good." For the first time, Alexis became aware of Jim sitting in the armchair. "Oh, hi Mr. Beckett."

"Please, call me Jim," he corrected quickly. They had met in the hospital but both were too distressed to really have spoken much.

"Hi Jim," Castle said as he entered the living room, depositing his jacket onto the back of the sofa and walking over to sit next to Kate. "Hey," he said softly, taking his place next to her and not-so-discretely draping his arm across her shoulders.

She smiled up at him and settled into his side, surprising herself at her openness given that Jim and Alexis were in the room. Then again, both of them did deserve to know; Kate just was not sure how to break the news. She knew her father would be thrilled but she was less certain of Alexis's reaction.

Fortunately-or unfortunately-Alexis noticed the difference right away and turned to her father. "Something you'd like to share, Dad?" she challenged.

Castle turned to Kate, silently asking her for approval. When she nodded, he turned back to Alexis. "Well…." he began, hesitating when he remembered that Jim was still in the room.

"Are you guys finally…?" Alexis gestured to them, sitting on the sofa with their sides smashed together like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Castle hesitated again and while it was fun to watch him squirm, Kate decided to put him out of his misery. "Yes, we are. As long as you're okay with it," she added quickly.

"Okay with it?" Alexis asked. "Oh my gosh, finally! I'm so excited!" She stood to wrap her arms around both of them. Kate hugged her back, thankful that Alexis was alright with it, while Castle planted a kiss on his daughter's cheek. When Alexis stepped away, Kate looked up to find Jim grinning at them, trying-and failing-to suppress the I-told-you-so look on his face. Kate rolled her eyes at him but was grinning as well.

"Well," Jim said as he stood, "I better get home, I've got some things to do tonight. And it looks like you guys have some catching up to do." He patted Alexis on the shoulder. "I'm glad to hear you enjoyed your camp."

Kate and Castle stood and followed Jim to the door. He slipped on his coat and shoes before turning to Castle and holding out his hand. "I'm happy for you two," he said sincerely. "You be good to her."

"I will, thanks Jim."

He then turned to his daughter, wrapping her up in a hug. "Congrats, sweetie," he whispered in her ear. "He's a keeper. Don't let him get away."

Kate smiled as they separated. "I won't, Dad," she assured him, and for the first time, she realized that she truly meant it. She knew he was in it for the long haul and, terrifying as the thought may be, she was too.

"I'll see you in a couple days," Jim said, opening the door. "Have a good night, guys."

"Bye," three voices responded in unison.

Once Jim had left, Castle stole a glance at Kate, making sure she was okay with everything that had just happened. She smiled in response and Castle pulled her into his arms. She wrapped both arms around his neck and pulled him down for a deep kiss just as Alexis stepped into the entryway to retrieve her luggage.

"Um, guys," she said awkwardly. They jumped apart guiltily. "I really am glad you're together but….maybe not here?"

"Sorry, sweetie," Castle apologized. Alexis had not caught him making out with anyone in years. "I promise we'll be more careful."

"Sorry," Kate muttered, embarrassed.

"And Kate, I really _am_ happy that you're here," Alexis said in an attempt to lessen the awkwardness. "I'm going to go unpack."

She headed upstairs with her suitcase and Castle settled back down on the sofa while Kate went to get a glass of water. When she came back, Castle was sitting sideways on the couch with his back against the armrest. He opened his arms for her and she settled in between his legs, her back against his chest. She set her glass on the coffee table and leaned her head back against his shoulder while he wrapped his arms around her, his hands coming to rest on her stomach. As they sat there in companionable silence, he began tracing random patterns with his hands, causing Kate to wriggle beneath his grasp.

"Am I hurting you?" Castle asked worriedly.

"You're tickling me," Kate replied, placing her hands over his to hold them still.

"_You're_ ticklish?" he asked excitedly, and she could almost feel the mischievous grin spreading across his face.

"Don't you dare," she said, elbowing him in the side.

"Awww, but I was looking forward to finding your most ticklish spots."

"Try that and I promise that you will never see them again," she threatened.

"I'm pretty sure I can persuade you not to hold true on that threat," he said in a low voice.

"And I'm pretty sure that I have a gun," she reminded him. "And I'm not averse to using it."

"I'm too ruggedly handsome to get shot," he shot back immediately.

"You're a lot of things, Rick, but that's not one of them."

"You wound me," he whined.

"You're a big boy, I'm sure you'll live."

"You really don't think I'm ruggedly handsome?" he asked sadly.

"Is your ego really that bruised that you have to go fishing for compliments?"

"I've never been fishing," he replied.

Kate sighed dramatically. "My boyfriend has the attention span of a five year old," she muttered.

"What did you just call me?" Castle asked excitedly.

"A five year old," she responded.

"No, no, before that? Did I hear the word 'boyfriend' come out of your mouth?" he asked eagerly.

"Well if I'm your girlfriend, then it figures that you would be my boyfriend," Kate pointed out.

He squeezed her a little tighter. "I know, I just like hearing you say that." He leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to her cheek before nuzzling the side of his face against hers. The switch from silly Castle to sweet Castle always caught Kate off guard, and it amazed her how he had the ability to change the course of a conversation so quickly.

She relaxed back into him and though it was not yet dinner time, Kate found her eyes fluttering shut as they sat there. "Tired?" he asked softly.

"A bit," she murmured.

"Sleep," he encouraged gently. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Mmmm, okay." She snuggled back into his chest a little more and they fell into silence. "Hey, Rick," she said after a moment.

"Yeah?"

"For the record, you are pretty handsome."

She felt him smile against her cheek and he kissed her there again. "Sleep, Kate," he said softly. She smiled to herself before finally drifting off to the feel of his hands gently tracing patterns on her sides.

* * *

><p>The next two weeks flew by, and as promised, Kate's physical therapist cleared her to return to work-desk duty only-part time. This brought about mixed feelings for the both of them. Kate was glad to have something to do….she was sick of feeling useless. However, she was nervous too. Nervous about the new captain. Nervous about what might have changed around the precinct. Nervous about her new relationship with Castle would affect their working relationship.<p>

Castle too was glad to go back, but he was apprehensive about what would happen both to his partnership and his relationship. He was not sure how the new captain would react. They were keeping their relationship a secret for now but even so, he was just a civilian and he was worried that she would not approve of his partnership with the NYPD. He was also worried about Kate throwing herself back into the case. With her at home recovering, it was not difficult to keep her from diving back in, but now that she was cleared to go back, there was less that Castle could do to prevent her from going after the sniper. He would be there no matter what, as promised, but did not want any more close calls. However, he also did not want to fight with her again about walking away. It had almost torn them apart before and he knew that now that they were in a relationship, that same fight would be even worse.

The uneasiness was evident from the moment they rolled out of bed that morning. Kate's mind was clearly a million miles away and Castle was being excessively clingy. She knew he was worried, and she also knew that this was something they should have discussed before now, especially since there was a very real possibility that this was the last day Castle would spend at the precinct.

They prepared for the day and drove to the precinct in near silence. The tension in the air was obvious but neither seemed inclined to speak; there was so much to be said and not enough time to deal with any of it. Soon, however, Kate knew there would be some unpleasant conversations to be had.

The moment they stepped off the elevator, it was clear that things had changed. Ryan and Esposito were sitting at their own desks working on paperwork while normally they would have been sitting together, joking around while finishing their work. Kate had not met the new captain, although they had spoken briefly on the phone, but it appeared that she was less accepting of having fun while working.

After a very warm welcome from Ryan and Esposito, complete with teasing about the fact that she and Castle had arrived together, Kate took a deep breath and walked over to what was formerly Captain Montgomery's office. A wave of sadness swept over her at this realization and Castle must have noticed, as he laid a hand gently on her shoulder. She turned to see the same sadness in his eyes that was reflected in hers and offered a small, very unconvincing smile.

"I miss him," Kate whispered, so softly that Castle barely heard what she said.

"Me too," he said sadly. Kate glanced up just in time to see the guilt in Castle's eyes and made a mental note to ask him about that later.

Pushing aside the sadness for now, she turned to her partner. "Castle, I want you to stay out here for now, okay?" she said firmly. "I want to hear what she has to say about you without you in the room. I want to see if she brings it up on her own so I can tell how she really feels about you."

In the past two months, Castle had grown accompanied to spending the majority of his time by Kate's side, but he understood that this was something she had to do on her own. "Okay." He linked his pinky with hers in a subtle gesture of comfort before heading to her desk and taking his normal chair.

She took a deep breath, making sure her tough cop persona was firmly in place, before raising her hand and knocking on the captain's door.

* * *

><p>She had been on desk duty for just three half-days and Kate was already going crazy. There was only so much paperwork one could do without losing their mind, and she was pretty sure she had reached her limit. So far, Castle had been allowed to stay with her, although the captain had made it sound as though it was only a temporary deal. It had been immediately obvious that she was suspicious of the real relationship between the partners, making them glad that they had decided to keep things out of the precinct. As if to punctuate her doubt, she had been flirting shamelessly with Castle for the past three days in an attempt to see if he would fall prey to her advances.<p>

Logically, Kate knew that they captain was just doing her job. Relationships with coworkers were frowned upon due to the nature of the job and the potential for emotions to interfere in dangerous situations, and it was the captain's job to ensure the safety of her detectives. She also knew Castle well enough to know that he was faking it. He was playing his part, trying to charm her and convince her that he should be allowed to stay part of the team. His smile was not genuine and he was not touchy-feely like he normally was, but Kate could not help but feel jealous and annoyed. Really annoyed.

As they left the precinct that afternoon, Castle could tell that Kate was upset. She kept her eyes trained straight ahead and her shoulders were tense. The ride home was equally unpleasant. Kate was still not cleared for driving, so while Castle was behind the wheel, she stared out the window, attempting to calm down.

By the time they reached the loft, though, the silence had become extremely uncomfortable, and Castle broke first. "Okay, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing." Kate kicked off her shoes, not even turning to look at him.

"Kate…."

"I'll see you at dinner." And with that she turned on her heel and headed for her bedroom, emphatically shutting the door behind her.

Castle knew it was useless to go after her; pushing anymore now would only make things worse. However, he also knew that they seriously needed to work on their communication issues. If anything had the ability to tear them apart, it was that.

* * *

><p>As promised, Kate appeared as Castle and Alexis were tossing together a salad to go with the leftover spaghetti. She greeted the young girl politely and took part in the dinnertime conversation, but aside from that, she did not say much. Once they finished eating, she excused herself quickly and once again headed to her bedroom.<p>

Kate flopped back on the bed and sighed. She knew she needed to talk to him, to tell him what was bothering her. The problem was that she was embarrassed to even have this conversation. Jealousy was not a feeling to which Kate was well accustomed, mainly because she rarely allowed herself to get close enough to anyone that they could have that effect on her. Just like everything else with Castle, though, things were different. He was hers. His heart belonged to her; at least that was what he had told her. She was equally committed to him. And it hurt to see him flirt with other women, even when it was so obviously forced. Well, not forced, exactly. The whole city knew that Richard Castle was a flirt. But the feelings behind this one were forced. She trusted him, more than anyone else in the world, and she knew that he would never _truly_ flirt with anyone while he was with her. If there was one thing she had learned early on about Castle, it was that he is incredibly loyal. So it was stupid, Kate decided, that she was even in this situation. Completely stupid. And yet, she was holed up in her room pouting like a ten-year-old.

As predicted, there was a knock on her door a few minutes later. "Kate, whatever I did, I'm sorry," he called through the door, "and I would really like it if you would let me come in so we could talk about it."

Damn him and way with words. How was it that he always knew exactly what to say to break through her walls. "Fine," she muttered.

Castle opened the door tentatively and peeked in, unsure of what he was going to be dealing with. Kate was sitting on the bed staring into space and she did not move when he entered. He shut the door and slowly moved towards her, as though he thought she might pounce at any second.

"Just sit, Castle," she commanded finally, and he joined her on the bed, leaving a few feet of space between them.

Silence fell as Kate sorted out her words. Castle could tell she was struggling and decided that he would start. "What did I do?" he prompted.

"Nothing," she answered. Was that not the truth? He had not done anything that warranted her anger, or at least not this much of it.

"Obviously I did something or we wouldn't be in this situation," he pointed out. "Unless you're angry at something else."

"I'm angry at _her,_" Kate spat, skirting the issue.

He did not need to ask who 'her' was. "Why?"

"For changing things. For acting like you don't belong there. For not believing that we're just partners."

"Well, we're not," Castle cut in.

"I know," Kate snapped. "And I wish she would quit flirting with you to try to prove that."

"That's why you're mad at me." Suddenly it all made sense to him. He had been flirting back as part of the act but he had not thought about how Kate would be affected.

"I know I shouldn't be, but I am."

"No, no, you have every right to be upset," he said. "I figured the more I flirted back, the less likely she would be to keep questioning us, but I didn't even think about how that would look to you. That was really selfish of me, Kate, and I'm sorry."

"I don't get it," she said softly after a beat. "It's stupid that I'm mad. I know it's fake but it made me really upset."

"Now you know how I feel every time some sleezeball suspect hits on you," he said, attempting to inject some humor into the situation. It had the desired effect, as a small smile crossed her face. "I really am sorry, though," he reiterated.

"It's okay, Rick, I promise. Honestly, I was more annoyed with myself for being upset about this than with you for being a flirt."

"Well just remember that you're the one I'm coming home to at night, and that's all that matters to me, no matter how much she flirts with me."

"I know, Rick," Kate said. "I trust you."

"So what do we do now?" he asked. "If I stop flirting back, she'll notice."

Kate sighed. This was a crappy situation for all parties involved. The captain was convinced that Castle had a thing for her. Castle hated having to pretend to have a thing for her. And Kate was annoyed that someone was trying to steal her man. "Do what you gotta do, Rick," she answered finally.

He looked about as thrilled with the whole situation as she did. "Okay."

"It sucks, but it would suck even more if she kicked you out," Kate added as an afterthought. Shit. She had been intending to keep that thought in her head.

"So you admit that you like having me around?" Of course he would not simply let it go.

"I told you that a long time ago," she reminded him.

"Oh, I know," he said with a grin. "It's just nice to hear that I'm still wanted."

Never one to let such a good opportunity go to waste, Kate scooted closer to him and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling his face to hers. "Oh, Rick," she said in a sultry voice, "trust me, I want you in _so_ many ways." He gulped and Kate smirked as she released him, not missing the way he subconsciously reached down to adjust his pants. "Problem?" she teased.

"Huh? No….what? Why would I….?" he stammered.

As if to highlight her point, Kate trailed her hand down his chest, lower and lower, watching as he fought to maintain control. As her hand reached his belt, though, he reached down and grabbed her wrist, halting her movements. She looked up at him questioningly.

"Not right now," he said gently, hating that he was turning her down. He saw confusion and hurt cross her face, so he elaborated. "God, Kate I've wanted this for so long. I want you so badly. Don't ever doubt that. But you can't yet, and I want our first time to be the real thing."

Kate was too shocked to respond. It was possibly one of the most beautiful things he had ever said to her. He was obviously more than ready now, but he wanted to wait for her. He wanted the real thing. Again, he was selflessly putting his own desires aside for her, and she was struck once again by just how amazing he was. And it was moments like this reminded her why she had fallen in love with him in the first place.

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts? I'm not super confident in this chapter...let me know what you think!<em>


	15. Chapter 14

_Author's Note: Okay, first of all, I owe you guys a huge thank you for your response to this story so far! I have received over 55,000 hits, almost 160 favorites, and about 350 alerts! You guys are amazingly supportive so thank you so much for reading and reviewing and encouraging me to write more! Also, welcome to my new readers...you guys are brave for sitting down and tackling this all at once! Since the last chapter was a little more angsty than some, I decided you guys deserved some fun and fluff, and, well, this is what happened! And on a completely unrelated note, Happy 4th of July!_

**Chapter 14 **

The rest of the week dragged by in an equally boring manner, but Kate was glad that at least some of that time was spent at work. Even if it was just paperwork, she was happy to have something to do. The captain was still flirting relentlessly with Castle but Kate was finding it easier to ignore after their conversation. It did not stop her from becoming annoyed every time the captain glanced over at the two of them, however. It was as though she was waiting for one of them to slip up and reveal the truth so that she would have an excuse to kick Castle out.

Not for the first time, Kate found herself missing Montgomery. Yes, he had betrayed her, but he had spent the rest of his life trying to make up for it and in her eyes, he would always be a hero. But he was so much more than that. He had been there since the beginning of her time as a detective. He had trained her and taught her so much. He had been there with her through so much, always acting as not just a boss but also as a shoulder to cry on when she needed it. She still found it hard to believe not only that he was gone, but the circumstances under which he had died.

It was hard for her not to feel guilty about that night. Yes, he had made mistakes in the past, and he had had to pay for them. But Kate had been there, and she had a gun, and she wished she could have been there to help him the way he had been for her for so many years. She did not fault Castle for what he had done; it was a horrible situation for everyone involved and he was simply following orders, respecting Montgomery's last wishes.

As she gathered her belongings and headed to the elevator, Castle in tow, she remembered the beginning of the week, their conversation about Roy and the look in Castle's eyes. Kate wondered now if it had to do with the events of that night. She felt terrible enough for leaving him there alone but Castle had been the one to drag her away. Together they had left him to die and regardless of what mistakes he had made in the past, Kate hated that he had become just one more casualty in relation to her mother's case.

"Hey, Rick?" she said softly as they entered the elevator.

"Yeah?"

"The other day, when we were talking about Montgomery…." she met his eyes, watching closely for his reaction. "You know it wasn't your fault, right?"

The guilt filled his eyes immediately and he ran a hand through his hair. "I don't even know how to feel, Kate," he admitted.

"What do you mean?"

"We basically left him there to die, you know? He called me that night and told me that he needed my help. He told me that he was going to ask something difficult of me and that I could not argue, no matter the circumstances. He said it was a matter of life and death. I had no idea what I was getting into, but I couldn't say no. I was just doing what he asked…." He paused to take a breath and Kate saw tears forming in his eyes.

"I know you were, Rick, and I don't blame you for that," she comforted.

He shook his head. "I just….I know you hated me at the time for dragging you out of there and I hated myself for taking away his only backup but, God, Kate, if I hadn't you might not be here right now. His death was terrible and I miss him a lot, but if it had been you, I never would have recovered. It's like a lesser of two evils type of thing."

"I'll admit, I was really mad at the time," Kate said. "But I think that's also when I started to forgive you."

"How so?" The elevator opened and they stepped out, continuing their conversation.

"Because I kicked you out of my life and you had every reason to hate me and yet you risked your life to save mine."

"I'd do that any day, Kate," he said softly.

"And I'm glad you did," she replied. "But I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I could've had a chance to try to save him."

"Me too," Castle agreed. "That was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

They were in the parking garage now, safely out of sight of the captain, so Kate reached for his hand, squeezing it softly. "I know. And I don't think I ever said this, but….thanks, Rick. For saving my life."

"Always."

* * *

><p>"So, anything new and exciting?" Ryan asked, throwing a pointed look at Castle and Kate. It was Saturday night and the crew from the Twelfth was at the Old Haunt, eating nachos and having a drink to celebrate Kate's first week back at work.<p>

"Desk duty isn't really that interesting," Kate replied taking a sip of her drink.

Ryan shifted his gaze to Castle, figuring he would be the easier one to break. "Nope, not really," he answered. "Just watching her do paperwork," he gestured towards Beckett with his head. "Not a lot for me to do."

"You could do your actual job," Esposito teased.

Castle shrugged. "Nah."

"Beckett staying with you isn't enough?" Ryan asked. "You gotta see her at work too?"

"Who says I'm staying with him still?" Kate jumped in. They could tease all they wanted but she was going to dish it right back.

"I thought they said you couldn't go home until you were cleared to drive," Ryan said.

"How do you know I'm not?"

"We're detectives," Esposito reminded her. "We know Castle's been driving."

Kate rolled her eyes. Hiding things from trained detectives was not easy to do. "Maybe I'm just being nice."

Esposito snorted. "Right, because you're usually nice to Castle for no reason."

"Even if I _was_ still staying with him, what's it matter to you guys?"

The guys looked at each other as though they were deciding what they could say that would not get them smacked across the face. Finally Esposito spoke. "Just wondering how it is that you guys have lived together for the past two months and you're both still alive."

"We're not living together," Kate protested immediately.

"You've stayed at his place for two months," Ryan pointed out.

"Because I'm injured," she said. "And I still have my apartment."

"For now," Esposito teased.

Kate suddenly glanced over at Castle and realized that he was thinking the same thing she was; what was going to happen when she was cleared to go home? It was not something they had discussed and while Kate was sure he would want her to stay, she was not sure that she was ready for that step yet. Then again, they had kind of already taken it.

The pair's sudden silence was not lost on the two detectives. They were obviously hiding something and Ryan and Esposito had a pretty good idea what it was.

"So if it's not living together, what is it?" Esposito asked, rekindling the conversation.

"Taking care of a friend," Castle offered.

"I have so many responses to that," Esposito said with a laugh.

Kate rolled her eyes. "I don't even want to know."

The boys, however, had their eyes focused on Castle. "Taking care of her?" Ryan probed. "What exactly does that entail?"

"Yeah, because I've heard that one of the best cures for pain and stress is…." Esposito was cut off when Kate shoved a nacho in his mouth.

"Oh, trust me, I know," Castle replied. "But sadly, her doctor hasn't cleared her for that kind of activity."

"Rick!" Kate scolded.

"What?"

"You're supposed to be helping me, not making it worse."

"Oh, but you're so adorable when you're annoyed."

To most people, it would seem like a normal exchange between the partners, the type of flirting that went on every day. To Ryan and Esposito, however, the fact that she had called him Rick was raising a red flag. In fact, it was raising it really high and flying it right in their faces. She _never_ called him Rick.

After giving Castle a teasing smack on the cheek, Kate turned back to the table to find three sets of eyes fixed on her. Lanie was still sitting there quietly, her eyes only giving away the fact that Kate was busted. Ryan and Esposito, on the other hand, were staring unblinkingly, their mouths open in shock. She looked questioningly at Lanie, replaying the recent conversation in her head to figure out what was causing their current reactions.

Before she had a chance to recall everything, Esposito spoke. "Rick, huh?"

Shit. She had not even realized that she said it. "Well, that's his name, last time I checked." She knew they were caught but that did not mean that she could not have a little fun with them.

"Yeah, and it's been his name for the past three years but I've never heard you call him that," Ryan pointed out.

"So, _Rick_, does Kate here usually call you by your first name?" Esposito asked, turning to the man in question.

"At times, _Javier_." It was not untrue.

"You mean, when you're at home together?" They were relentless tonight.

"Again, it's his name, guys," Kate cut in. She really had no problem with the guys finding out, although she would have probably have to endure more teasing, but it was fun to watch them squirm, especially because there were probably large amounts of money at stake here.

"Uh huh. And does he call you Kate?"

"Well, that is her name," Castle answered. "No wonder you guys are such good detectives."

"Good enough to know that you two are lying," Ryan said.

"So, _Kate,_ are you planning to just move in permanently?" Esposito teased.

"If I was planning that, why would I still have my own apartment?"

"Because you can't move furniture yet," Ryan said as though it was obvious. "Although we'd happily help you with that. I'm sure _Rick_ here wouldn't mind, would you?"

Castle gulped. He was good at teasing, for the most part, but this conversation had gone way past his comfort zone and he had no idea how to reply.

Esposito just smirked. "On second thought, maybe you wouldn't need to move your furniture. After all, I'm sure you guys just need the one bed."

Kate had been doing a good job of keeping her cool but felt herself blush at that statement. If anyone found out that they had spent every night together for the past month and that she could not sleep without him next to her, she would have to kill them herself.

Of course the boys noticed immediately. There was not much that could fluster Kate but this seemed to be doing the trick. "Is that right, Castle?" Ryan asked.

"I…." he hesitated.

"You haven't been sleeping in the guest room, have you?" Esposito's voice was softer now and had lost all hints of teasing. They had had their fun, but Kate was like a sister to him and he really was happy for her. For both of them.

Kate blushed an even deeper shade of red. The guys knowing that she and Castle were together was one thing. Admitting to sharing a bed with him was another thing entirely. It was implied, of course, but saying it out loud was so much more embarrassing, somehow.

Ryan laid a hand gently on her shoulder. "Hey, don't be embarrassed, we're happy for you," he said gently. "'Bout damn time you two got your act together."

Kate felt the heat begin to leave her cheeks and looked up with a smile. "Thanks, Kev."

"Wait, so you really are together?" Esposito asked.

Kate placed her hand over Castle's on the table and smiled. "Yeah."

Esposito clapped Castle on the shoulder. "Congrats, bro."

"How long?" Ryan asked curiously.

"About a month."

"Dude, I told you!" Ryan exclaimed to his partner. "I told you something was different when we went over for brunch."

"Exactly how much money is riding on this?" Kate asked.

Ryan, Esposito, and Lanie grinned sheepishly. "Don't ask."

Silence fell for a moment as everyone adjusted to the news. Kate squeezed Castle's hand in reassurance and he flipped it around under hers, intertwining their fingers.

Esposito noticed immediately. "Wow," he said taking a drink of beer, "I can't believe you guys finally got together."

"I know," Ryan joined in, shaking his head. "Man, I thought our bet would go on forever."

"You know what?" Esposito said suddenly. "I think we need proof before anyone can win the bet."

"Proof?" Lanie looked at her boyfriend curiously.

"Yeah. Proof that they're actually together. I mean, they could just be holding hands to mess with us or something."

"What kind of proof?" Kate asked warily.

"Oh, you know, a kiss," Ryan suggested.

"Ummm, it's a little weird that you guys are asking your coworkers to kiss in front of you," Kate pointed out.

"I kissed Lanie earlier," Esposito mentioned.

"Yeah but we didn't ask you to," Kate reminded him.

"Well then pretend we didn't ask either," Ryan instructed. "Just do it because it's obvious you both want to."

That was a statement neither of them could deny. It had been a fight since they arrived to keep their hands to themselves. Kate looked up at Castle who shrugged as if to say, 'sure, why not?' The moment their eyes met, there was no fighting it any longer. Keeping his hand in hers, Castle reached up with his other to cup her cheek. She reached for him as well, placing her hand on his chest as their lips met.

They intended it to be a quick peck, knowing that their friends were watching, but the kiss seemed to take on a life of its own. They were so caught up in each other that everyone else was forgotten within seconds and was left sitting there, their mouths hanging open, as they witnessed this moment of passion.

Finally, Lanie cleared her throat and the two jerked apart, heat rising in Kate's cheeks as she realized what had just happened. "That was proof alright," the ME said with a smirk, tossing a knowing glance in Kate's direction. "Damn, that was hot!"

Castle hooked his finger under her chin, lifting her gaze back to his and planting a chaste kiss on her lips as if to say 'hey, it's okay, don't be embarrassed.' Kate smiled lovingly and patted his chest before they separated fully, settling back into their previous positions.

After congratulations had been offered and hugs had been shared all around, the conversation gradually drifted away from Castle and Kate. They touched on Ryan's wedding plans, everyone's thoughts on the new captain, and, of course, Esposito and Lanie. For the rest of the night, though, everyone was stealing glances at the new couple. Every once in a while, they would lean into each other or whisper something in the other's ear or steal a quick kiss when they thought no one was looking. They were still eager participants in the conversation but the moment silence fell, their attention immediately went back to each other.

Seeing them together was a touching experience for all of them. They had watched them fight it for so long and while the chemistry had always been there, the depth of their connection was now obvious as well. They were so into each other that one touch made them smile. One look made the rest of the world disappear. And that one kiss was enough to have everyone wondering how anything could simultaneously be that passionate and loving. Now that it was out in the open, they sat closer, their fingers still twined, not bothering to hide their love and affection. The others would be lying if they said they were not a bit jealous of Castle and Kate. But, more than anything, they were happy that the pair had finally stopped fighting the inevitable.

* * *

><p><em>Thoughts?<em>


	16. Chapter 15

_Author's note: Angst alert! I have no idea what inspired this chapter but I guess they wouldn't be Castle and Beckett if they didn't fight every once in a while. Don't worry, though, those of you who have read my other fics know I'm a sucker for happy endings. I was going to split this chapter in half, since it's over 5,500 words, but there wasn't really a good stopping point. So...well, here it is! And also, a special shout out to acceb who was my 300th reviewer! Thank you!_

**Chapter 15 **

"Castle, let go of me!" Kate wrenched her arm out of his grasp and made a beeline for the break room to refill her coffee. It was Monday, the beginning of Kate's second week back at work, and Castle had been driving her crazy all morning. It was one thing to have him take care of her while she was healing, but it was completely another to have him clinging to her constantly as though she was going to break.

Castle stepped back in surprise at her words and followed her into the break room with his own mug. "I'm sorry," he offered, unsure of what else to say.

Kate turned, fixing him with a glare. "Do you even know what you're apologizing for?"

"Touching your arm, obviously," he replied.

"Constantly," she added angrily. "You've been touching me constantly, and not only are we at work, but I'm just plain sick of it. I don't need help walking anymore, Castle. I wouldn't be here at the precinct if I couldn't move around."

"I was just trying to help," he justified.

"Yeah, well cut it out, okay? I'm fine." She turned back to the espresso machine to fill her mug.

That was all it took to make him snap. "Damnit, Kate, you're not fine," Castle yelled, stepping closer to her. "You were shot in the chest just over two months ago. You had to have surgery, from which you are still recovering. When you can chase suspects down an alley and take them down like you used to, then you can use that excuse on me. Until then, you are _not_ fine."

Kate whirled around. "Since when were you the judge of how I feel, huh? Since when were you the one to decide what's good for me and what isn't?"

"Well somebody's got to," Castle retorted, regretting the words as soon as they left his mouth. If there was one thing that Kate Beckett hated it was someone questioning her abilities.

"Oh, and I can't take care of myself? Is that why you stay around, because you think I _need_ you? Because you think I'm somehow incapable of doing this on my own?"

"I'm sure you're plenty capable of taking care of yourself, but you certainly never bother to."

"That doesn't give you the right to step in and do it for me," she snapped back. "It's _my_ life and I can do whatever I damn well please with it."

"And if you think that includes being reckless with your recovery just like you were with this case before you got shot then you're being incredibly selfish, Kate," Castle yelled. "If you think you can just throw your life away and that wouldn't matter to anyone, you need to think again."

"I'm not throwing my life away."

"Then what the hell do you call it, huh? You're willing to run headfirst at this thing with no regard for the potential consequences. Do you really want to get shot again?" Kate shrugged and her nonchalance pushed him over the edge. He grabbed her shoulders and took another step closer, pushing her back against the counter. "God, you don't get it, do you? You don't realize how close you came! You almost died. You passed out in my arms. I had your blood on my hands. That bullet came within an inch of killing you and if that happens again you might not be so lucky. Do you have any idea what that would do people, Kate? Do you know what it would do to your father if he had to bury you, too?"

"Cas…."

She tried to interrupt but he barreled on. "Do you know what it would do to Ryan and Esposito, to have to carry your casket through the cemetery, to have to come here every day without you? What about my mother and Alexis? And what about me, huh? Do you ever think about that? Do you know what would happen to me if they killed you, Kate? I wouldn't survive that. I'd never recover."

"This isn't about you, Castle, or anyone else. It's about my mother."

"No, it's not. Not anymore, because the same people responsible for her death are the ones responsible for Montgomery's and for you getting shot. They're people who have money and power and are way out of your reach. It's way bigger than just you and your mother now, Kate. And if you take this on alone, you're not going to come out alive. Deny it all you want but you know I'm right."

Kate had no idea how their argument had gone from him touching her arm to fighting about her mother's case. All she knew was that it was all too much for her to deal with right now, especially since he seemed to be doubting not only her ability to take care of herself but also her capabilities as a detective. Not to mention that the precinct was certainly not the place to be having this argument. "Go home, Castle," she spat.

"I'm not leaving you here. You can't drive."

The fact that he thought of her first despite the current situation only served to upset her more. "I'll get a ride with Lanie. Just go. I can't be around you right now."

Sensing defeat he turned on his heel and left the break room, stopping only to grab his jacket as he left the precinct. Once he stepped outside, he looked around aimlessly. He was too angry to go home right away and opted instead for a walk. He wandered the streets for close to an hour in an attempt to calm down and to figure out how things could possibly have gone so wrong.

* * *

><p>The final hour of Kate's shift passed excruciatingly slowly. Paperwork was boring enough but now she could not even focus on that. The argument was replaying over and over in her head and the only other thought she had was that she really needed the morning to be over so that she could talk to Lanie.<p>

When one o'clock finally rolled around, Kate wasted no time in grabbing her things and heading down to the morgue. Lanie was eating lunch when Kate came in but one look was enough to make her set her food aside to talk to her friend.

"Honey, what's wrong?" she asked as Kate hopped up on one of the tables.

Kate sighed. She did not even know where to start. "How is it possible to hate someone and love them at the same time?" she asked finally.

"I guarantee you don't hate Castle," Lanie answered. "I have no doubt that he pissed you off, but you don't hate him."

"Sometimes I think it would be easier if I did," she admitted.

"What did he do?"

"I'm just sick of him treating me like I'm about to fall apart, Lanie," Kate complained. "He insists on having his hands on me any time I'm moving and it's getting ridiculous. So I snapped at him for it and somehow that turned into an argument about my mom's case and me getting shot."

"And it's probably not going to be the last time you fight about that," Lanie pointed out. "Every time the case comes up it either brings you two closer or tears you apart."

Kate snorted. "That's reassuring."

"Well it's the truth," Lanie said bluntly. "And if you don't figure out how to deal with it together then this is going to keep happening."

"I don't know if we can," Kate admitted, hating that tears were forming in the back of her eyes.

"That bad, huh?"

"We've fought before, Lanie, but…." She trailed off, shaking her head.

Lanie stood. "Tell you what. I'm on call right now but I don't actually have to be here so let's go to my place and we can talk there."

Kate agreed easily and after Lanie quickly straightened up, the two of them headed out of the morgue. Half an hour later, they were settled on Lanie's couch with drinks, neither one seeming to care that it was not yet two in the afternoon. Kate walked Lanie through the argument, no longer trying to hold back her tears. When she finished talking, Lanie wrapped her up in a hug, letting her cry.

At long last, Kate lifted her head and wiped her eyes. "Sorry, Lanie," she sniffed.

"Don't apologize to me, girl. Sometimes we all just need a good cry."

"Am I overreacting?" Kate asked tentatively.

"Honestly," Lanie answered, sipping her drink, "yeah. And I'm not saying he handled things well but….he's got a point, Kate."

"How so?"

"This case, this sniper, this dragon, whoever he is," Lanie began, "he's dangerous, Kate. You have a scar to prove that. And you have to know that he's not done yet. You're still alive, he's still going after you. You're not going to be safe until we take this guy down and I have no idea when that's going to be but until then I think you need to think really hard about your course of action."

"I'm not going to blindly run after him, Lanie," Kate protested, remembering Castle's earlier words. "Why does everyone think that?"

Lanie took her hand, knowing that this was not going to be easy to say. "Because it's incredibly personal to you, Kate. I've seen what this case has done to you in the past, and I'm not blaming you at all. You lost someone you loved and you want the person responsible to be punished. I get that and I understand why you feel that way. But he's taken so much from you that you jump on any chance that arises so you can take your shot at him. I've watched it happen, Kate. You pushed your team away when you were chasing Lockwood and you almost died because of it."

"Lanie…"

She held up a hand. "Hear me out. I think Castle is completely justified in his fears. I think he could have just told you that in private rather than scream it at you in the precinct but I think you need to listen to him. He loves you and he wants to keep you safe and as annoying as you find that, you need to realize that he's doing it for the right reasons. He's doing it to help you heal and to keep you alive. You have touched so many lives, Kate, and every single one of those would suffer if something happened to you. Remember that."

Kate shook her head. "God, Lanie, am I really that bad?"

"You're predictable, Kate," she corrected. "And strong and independent. But there are some things that shouldn't be tackled alone."

"I…." she was interrupted by the ringing of Lanie's phone.

"Crap," Lanie muttered, figuring a body must have dropped, so she was more than a little surprised when she saw the caller ID. "Castle?" she asked incredulously.

"Lanie, yeah, it's me. Listen, do you know where Kate is? We fought and she sent me home and said she would catch a ride with you but I thought she'd be home by now and she's not answering her phone and…."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down," Lanie interrupted, putting a halt to his terrified ramblings. "She's with me, at my place, and she's alright. I think you guys both need some space right now so stop freaking out, okay?"

"I'm sorry, I just didn't know where she was."

"Well now you do," Lanie said. "Just give her some time and when she's ready I'll drive her back to the loft."

"Thanks, Lanie," he replied, eternally grateful that Kate had her as a friend.

"Not a problem."

When Lanie hung up, she snuck a glance at Kate to gauge her reaction. She seemed ambivalent on the matter so Lanie spoke up. "He's worried about you."

"I gathered," Kate said sarcastically. "He's been worried about me constantly for the last two months."

"And we just talked about why that is," Lanie reminded her.

"That doesn't make it any less annoying."

"He loves you, Kate," Lanie stated again. "Of course he's worried about you. You're unhappy and you're still recovering. And you know what? I think it's sweet to have someone who cares so much. You're so lucky to have him, girl."

She rolled her eyes in an attempt to deflect the comment. She was in no mood to have a discussion about the positive aspects of Castle when a large part of her still wanted to punch the living daylights out of him.

"Just….don't fault him for caring, sweetie," Lanie added softly.

Kate leaned back, resting her head against the sofa. Her drink was long gone and she was finding that the emotional events of the day had left her exhausted. "Do you mind if I crash here for now?" she asked, stifling a yawn.

"Go ahead," Lanie said. "I've got to run a couple errands but if you want to take a nap, I'm cool with that."

"Thanks, Lanie," Kate said as Lanie stood and handed her a blanket and pillow. "For everything."

"That's what I'm here for," she replied with a smile. "I should be back in a couple hours, alright? Help yourself to food or anything else. And call if you need anything."

After Lanie left, Kate hesitantly dug her phone out of her purse. Ten missed calls and a voicemail, all from Castle. Taking a deep breath, she dialed her voicemail to listen to the message and quickly wished that she had not.

"_Hey, Kate, it's me. I know you're ignoring me and I know I deserve it but I'd really like it if you would call me back. Or just come by the loft. Please? I said some terrible things to you and you don't deserve to be treated that way and I want to be able to apologize and fix things but I can't do that without you here. You can hate me for what I said but I love you, Kate, and nothing that happens between us is ever going to change that. Please…." his voice broke. "You know where to find me when you want to talk. I love you." _

Kate lowered the phone and clutched it to her chest as sobs wracked her body. They had just had a nasty fight, they had both said things they did not mean, and while she was crying to her friend about how much she wished she could hate him, he was apologizing and professing his love for her. She did not even try to hold back the tears this time, allowing them to flow freely.

When Lanie returned home two hours later, Kate was curled up on the couch, her phone still held to her chest, and it was immediately obvious that she had cried herself to sleep. Lanie briefly wondered if she had talked to Castle.

He had called Lanie again about half an hour ago asking if Kate was still mad and while she had no intention of getting in the middle of their fight, she felt really bad for him. The fight had obviously torn him up as much as it had Kate. Without going into any detail, She told him that Kate was still upset but was currently exhausted and was hopefully sleeping away some of her anger. He thanked her again and hung up but not before Lanie noticed the anguish in his voice and the way he seemed to be choking the words out. Never before had she seen two people who could tear each other apart so badly with a single fight. Then again, she had never seen two people as in love as Castle and Kate.

As it turned out, Kate slept until dinner and woke up feeling even worse. Since she had cried herself to sleep, her eyes were red and puffy and she was struggling to keep them open. She knew there was no way that she would be able to have a reasonable conversation with Castle in her current state so she decided to spend the night at Lanie's. She had no idea what was going to happen when she went back to the loft in the morning but she did send Castle a quick text so he would stop calling her.

_I'm okay, staying at Lanie's tonight. See you in the morning._

The moment he received the message, Castle's heart sank. Kate was willingly spending the night away from him which had not happened since they had been together. They had fallen asleep in each other's arms every single night so the fact that she was choosing to be alone said a lot about how deeply their argument had affected her. As he settled into bed, Castle could only hope that when he woke in the morning he would still have a girlfriend.

* * *

><p>In reality, Castle did not have to worry about what would happen when he woke because he did not sleep most of the night. He tossed and turned, unable to find a comfortable position without Kate in his arms and unable to stop his mind from imagining worst case scenarios. He was a pretty optimistic person in general but he had screwed up on the relationship front so many times that he could not help but worry. More than anything else, he did not want to mess things up...well actually, he had already messed them up; now he wanted to fix them before it tore them apart. Kate meant too much to him; he could not even fathom a life without her.<p>

Across town, Kate laid awake most of the night too, fighting the part of her that wanted to give in and head over to the loft at three in the morning. She was sure that Castle would not mind in the least, but she was still upset enough that her stubborn and spiteful side won. At seven a.m. she finally gave up trying to sleep, knowing it was futile. Lanie woke not long after as she had to be at work and dropped Kate off at the loft on her way.

Kate stood outside the door for a good five minutes trying to gather up enough courage to walk through the door. Now that she was there she was feeling guilty for leaving and embarrassed for handling things the way she did. She could face off with the dirtiest criminals in the city and yet one fight with her boyfriend sent her running across town to sleep on her best friend's couch. _Real mature, Kate,_ she scolded herself.

She finally unlocked the door using the key that had originally been made for Josh and tentatively entered the loft. It was just after eight and it appeared that no one was awake yet. She crept through the house towards the guest room but as she passed in front of Castle's office she heard the distinct clicking of computer keys. She was not surprised that he was writing; it was his way of dealing with things. She also knew that if he was wearing pajamas, drinking coffee, and writing this early in the morning, with a serious case of bedhead, he was really upset. That had been evident from his voicemail but now that she could see how haggard he looked, Kate felt horrible for the way she had behaved. He looked intensely focused so she continued past his office to her room to take a moment to regroup before talking to him.

A few minutes later, Castle heard the shower turn on and went off in search of coffee. He had heard Kate come in but was waiting for her to come to him; after all, she was the one who told him to go away. He prepared his third cup of the morning and headed back to his office to write. He was not working on Nikki Heat at the moment; instead he was writing about Kate and about his relationship with her. It was nothing anyone would ever see but it was the best way for him to organize his thoughts and feelings and deal with his anger.

He was still typing furiously when he heard a tentative knock on the door frame. He looked up to see Kate, fresh out of the shower, clad in sweats, and looking about as well rested as he was.

"Can I come in?" she asked tentatively.

He closed his laptop and set it aside. "Yeah."

She approached slowly, perching on the edge of his desk, within an arm's reach but not touching him. They looked at each other, reading the pain, anguish, and apologies in each other's eyes. "I'm sorry," Kate said finally, breaking the tense silence. "I know that's not nearly enough to make up for what I said and did but….I'm so sorry, Rick," she said, her voice breaking. "I had no right to treat you like that and I acted childishly, running away from my problems and…." She buried her head in her hands, trying to hide the tears. She had gone over this a million times in her head while showering and in none of those instances was she crying after less than a minute.

"I'm sorry too," Castle said after a brief silence. "I'm sorry for making you feel smothered."

Kate looked up and shook her head. "It wasn't that so much as it was that I felt babied," she admitted. "I felt like I couldn't do anything myself and that you thought I wasn't capable of anything."

"I realize that now," he admitted. "I hate knowing that you're in pain or struggling and I can't sit still and do nothing about it. I was just trying to help but I guess I was trying too hard. Because, Kate, you are incredibly capable and I have so much faith in you and I know it didn't come across that way, but I want you to know that it's true. And from now on I'm going to trust that you know what's best for you and I'll try to stop questioning it, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed, wiping away more tears. "And I'll try to stop getting upset when you're trying to help because I know you mean well."

"I do," he admitted. "However, that does not extend to your mom's case, and I'm not backing down on that one," he added firmly. His tone suggested a finality to the statement but Kate fought it anyways.

"You can't get in the way of that, Rick," she said just as firmly. "You know how important it is to me and no one, including you, is going to stop me from working on it."

"I have no intention of stopping you," he said honestly. "But what I won't allow is for you to go off on your own. Whoever this guy is, he's dangerous, Kate, and I'm speaking as your partner, friend, and boyfriend when I say that I'm not letting you become his next victim. He came close enough already and that's not happening again."

"I…."

He barreled on. "If you're going to do this, you're going to have help, Kate, and that's final. I'm your partner, and like it or not, I'm going to be there to have your back just like I promised."

"It's too dangerous, Rick."

"Bullshit," he replied immediately. "I know it's dangerous. We all know that, and he proved it by shooting you."

"But she's my mother," Kate tried again. "Way too many people have died in this already and I can't put you guys in danger."

"We're already in danger," Castle pointed out. "I'm your partner, Ryan and Esposito are on your team, and that puts all of us in danger. Whether we're with you or not, I'm sure this guy could find a reason to kill all of us. That's why we need to stick together and not leave anyone alone in this. And I'm not trying to downplay your mother's murder, but once we lost Montgomery to this it became all of our case, Kate. We all want justice, for him, for your mother, and for everyone else who's gotten tangled up in this."

Kate had tears running down her cheeks again. "I just….I know I can't stop you but I hate that you will willingly put yourself in danger for me."

"Well I'm not going to let you put yourself in danger," he explained.

"So I can't be in danger but you can? Is that what you're saying?"

"No, I'm saying that if there is a way to protect you, I'm going to do it."

"What if you get hurt?" She knew he would take a bullet for her and it was a terrifying thought.

"As long as you're okay, I'll be okay," he answered, trying to make it sound less serious than it really was.

"You can't promise that."

"I love you, Kate. I will do anything to keep you safe. That is a promise. I can't live without you." He internally flinched at his last words. He had not meant to say that out loud yet, knowing that Kate was not ready to talk about forever or anything as serious as that.

"I'm a cop, Rick," she reminded him and he let out a breath when it appeared that she was going to let his slip-up go unnoticed for now. "There are no guarantees."

"I know," he agreed with a grimace. "We both have an all-too-real reminder of that. But if I didn't try….if I didn't do everything I could to try to keep you safe, I'd never forgive myself, Kate. I'm not trying to question your abilities or belittle you in any way. I'm just….it's an automatic response for me to make sure you're safe. It's my responsibility."

Kate shook her head. "No, Rick, it's n_o_t. I'm the cop. I'm the one who's supposed to keep _you_ safe."

"Look, Montgomery put your life in my hands that night at the hangar, Kate," Castle said seriously. "He died so that you could live and left me in charge of protecting you from this monster. I have to keep you safe. Not just for myself, but for him. He died to protect you, Kate."

At the mention of Montgomery a fresh wave of tears filled her eyes. She still could not believe that he was gone, could not believe that the one person who she had so much faith in ended up betraying her. Why was it that everyone she trusted ended up tearing her apart or dead? _That's not true,_ she corrected herself mentally, _Castle is still here by your side._ At that thought, Kate realized that she had been taking him for granted through all of this. He had been the first one to her after she was shot. He had basically lived in the hospital with her, he had set aside his life to help her recover, and the entire time, she had fought him and yelled at him and treated him like crap.

"How can you put up with this?" she asked after a few minutes. He looked at her questioningly and she began to elaborate. "How can you keep coming back after I treat you this way?"

"Because you're worth it," he replied simply. "God, Kate, you're so worth it. Aside from Alexis, what we have is the most amazing thing in my life. I know it's intense….our feelings are intense, and that makes every fight that much worse. But it makes the good things a million times better. Even just sitting here right now, being together….it's incredible, Kate, and I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"Even after what I said yesterday? Even after I didn't come home last night?"

"Even after that," he said. "I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't hurt and upset and terrified about what it might mean when you didn't come back. But yes, Kate, I meant what I said in that voicemail. We're going to fight, we're going to want to rip each other's throats out, but when all is said and done, I'm still going to be madly in love with you."

He was amazing, Kate thought, for putting up with all of her crap. Personally she had never thought that she was worth it, especially since no other man had ever stuck around like Castle had. Maybe that was how she knew that he was the one.

She stood and held out her arms and he stood as well, stepping easily into her embrace. They held each other close, thankful to be together again after a restless night apart. "I'm so sorry, Rick, for being so horrible to you. I never would have gotten through all of this without you and I love you and….next time we fight I promise I won't run away and act like a two year old."

Castle chuckled in spite of the situation. "I was so afraid you were going to come home and break up with me," he admitted.

"I was mad but I wasn't _that_ angry," she assured him. "I just don't deal with things like that well, especially when you're right and I don't want to hear it."

"Just promise it won't happen again and we're good," he pleaded.

Kate looked up at him. "It won't," she said firmly. "I know we're going to fight and drive each other crazy but I'm not going anywhere, Rick."

He closed the remaining distance between them and their lips met hungrily. She did not realize until then just how much she had missed him. They stood there for so long that they lost track of time, alternately kissing and holding and caressing each other, every gesture a promise of better times ahead.

At long last, Castle managed to at least partially come back to reality. "What time do you have to go in today?" he asked.

"Not till one," she replied. "I have the afternoon shift."

He looked at the clock. It was not quite nine. "Naptime?"

Kate nodded. "Did you sleep last night?" she asked as they headed for his bedroom.

"About as much as it looks like you did."

"Yeah, I didn't either."

"Can't sleep without me?" he asked teasingly as he set his alarm.

"Well you do make a good pillow," she joked, pulling back the covers.

He climbed into bed and held out his arm. "Well in that case, I have just the spot for you."

She smiled and joined him, resting her head on his chest and curling into his arms. "This is more like it," Castle murmured into her hair.

"Who can't sleep without whom?" Kate teased.

He pulled her closer in response, pressing a kiss to her hair. "I'm never letting you go."

She smiled and felt herself melting into him. "Hey, Rick?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For sticking with me."

"Thank you for letting me."

She pressed a kiss to his chest as she felt her eyes flutter shut. "I love you."

* * *

><p><em>Too long? Too angsty? Let me know what you think!<em>


	17. Chapter 16

_ Author's Note: Not going to lie, I struggled with this chapter. A lot. It's not M, but it's the closest thing to it that I've ever written and I'm not sure that I like how it turned out. Let me know what you think._

**Chapter 16 **

As the days passed, Kate was slowly beginning to accept the new normal into which her life was falling. With every day, she regained more of her strength and more of the pain faded away. So much had changed in the last two months and while she missed Montgomery and the way things used to be, she had been through enough in her life to understand that things changed for a reason. Everyone had been affected by this case, by Montgomery's death, by Kate's shooting, and they would be forever changed by that. Now, when they worked on her mother's case, when they tried to track down the sniper and the man behind all of it, it was not just for Johanna; it was for Roy Montgomery as well.

Every day spent in the precinct without Montgomery was a reminder of the tragic events just over two months ago. Every order given by the new captain was a reminder of how much they had trusted Montgomery and how little they trusted her. Every day with Kate back at the precinct reminded everyone, including herself, how lucky she was to be alive. Every time she gasped in pain reminded Castle how close he had come to losing her. Gradually, however, the feelings of loss and betrayal began to fade. They would never forget Roy or all the good things he had done for them. They would also never forget the circumstances under which he died, although in the end, the good won out over the bad in their memories of him. The pain would always be there, but like with everything else they had seen as cops, it became something that they accepted as part of themselves, something that they would always have to carry around, something from which they could grow and change and learn to forgive.

They all still had security details on them anytime they left the precinct. The detectives did not go anywhere, even to the grocery store, without their weapons, knowing that at any time, they could find themselves under attack. As cops, they were all used to the concept of being in danger, but when it was constant and unknown, it was a very different situation. Castle and Kate spent almost all of their time together, having each other's backs, just like they promised. If anything, the current circumstances inspired all of them to live their lives to the fullest, to celebrate being alive, knowing that at any time, everything could be taken from them. They went out for drinks together after closing a case. They grabbed lunch together or ordered in at the precinct when they could. They went home at night to their significant others, spending as much time together as possible. Ryan and Jenny finished planning their wedding and Castle and Kate started working on organizing the fundraiser for the scholarship in honor of her mother, something which had been set aside for almost six months due to the long string of intense and emotionally draining cases.

At the beginning of her third week back at the precinct, Kate was cleared to work full time. The next week, she aimed and fired her gun for the first time in almost three months. It would be two weeks after that until she could go out into the field again, but as she had only just been cleared to begin running again, she would only be going to the less dangerous situations. Nevertheless, when Labor Day rolled around, Castle wasted no time in inviting everyone up to the Hamptons to celebrate Kate being back at almost full capacity. Not for another month would she be able to weave through crowds and jump fences and take down criminals, but everyone still felt that a celebration was in order.

Castle and Kate took off Friday night after work to spend the night at the beach house. Martha and Alexis would be joining the following morning as Martha had Friday night obligations at her acting school and Alexis had plans with friends. Ryan, Jenny, Lanie, Esposito, and Kate's father would be coming up that afternoon for a day of sun, games, food, beer, and fun.

When Castle finally pulled the Ferrari into the driveway, Kate stepped out and looked around in amazement. The house was huge and absolutely beautiful, and although she expected nothing less, she was still blown away.

"What do you think?" Castle asked, stepping up behind her and wrapping his arms around her stomach.

"It's….wow, Rick," she managed.

"Want a tour?"

She nodded eagerly and they grabbed their luggage, hauling it inside and dropping everything unceremoniously by the front door before he took her hand and led her from room to room. The lower level consisted of a large living room, complete with couches, a fireplace, and a flat screen TV; a spacious kitchen with stone countertops and stainless steel appliances; a game room with a pool table, a dart board, and another large TV connected to gaming equipment; a bathroom; and a library, full of more bookshelves than Kate had ever seen in someone's house. Upstairs were four more bedrooms, two bathrooms, and another bedroom that Castle had turned into an office.

After a few minutes, they headed back downstairs to retrieve their suitcases and begin unpacking. Castle led her down the hall to the one room he had skipped during the tour. He opened the door to reveal the master bedroom, complete with a private balcony containing a hot tub. Kate looked around in awe, taking in the lovely wooden furniture and the ocean view through the balcony doors. She left her suitcase in a corner and slipped outside, leaning against the wooden railing and breathing in the scent of the ocean. As a child, her family had taken trips to the beach as often as possible, but since her mother's death, it was something that Kate no longer made time for. The memories from her childhood were all happy ones, but somehow, in the first few years after her mother's murder, going back seemed so wrong somehow. In the past couple of years, she and her father had made a couple trips but they had been nothing like this.

Castle joined her a couple minutes later and they stood there for a while, taking in the view and talking softly, sharing memories and watching as darkness fell and the first stars appeared. Eventually they meandered back inside to unpack and settle in. It was still relatively early given that it was a Friday night but they decided to head to bed anyways.

When Kate emerged from the bathroom, Castle was standing by the bedside table, his back facing her as he set an alarm to make sure he was awake when his daughter arrived in the morning. He turned around as he heard her approach and his jaw dropped. Rather than the button-up shirts and yoga pants that she had been sleeping in while she recovered, she was wearing a dark blue cami with lace along the edges and plaid pajama shorts that did not leave much to the imagination. His first thought was that she looked incredibly sexy. His second was that he had no idea how he was going to survive the night with her wearing _that._

"See something you like, Rick?" she teased, taking another step closer.

"I…."

"What's the matter?" she asked, stepping closer still. She was within reach now and it was taking all of her self-control to refrain from grabbing him and kissing him senseless.

"I…." he began again. "Are you trying to kill me?" he finally managed.

Kate took one more step and reached for him, placing her hand on his chest. "Never," she whispered. "Because then I wouldn't be able to do this."

With that, she fisted his shirt as her other hand found the back of his neck, pulling him to her. Kate kissed him fiercely and he responded in kind, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to him, as close as was physically possible. They had shared many kisses before, some passionate, some tender and loving, but none like this. Kate was full of determination and Castle was powerless to stop her. No one, _no one,_ had _ever_ been able to render him speechless with a single kiss, except for Kate, and he would never admit to anyone just how much power she had over him. As she tore her mouth from his and began kissing her way across his jaw and down his neck, he found his senses overwhelmed with everything about her.

As his hand moved up to tangle in her hair, hers moved down, skimming across this chest, down to his stomach, and he startled when he felt her hand slide under his shirt to caress the skin of his back.

"Kate," he said, though it came out breathy and weak, not at all what he had been intending. "Kate, stop." He tried again, his voice a bit stronger this time, and she reluctantly looked up at him. Her eyes were darker than he had ever seen and it almost made him forget what he was planning to say.

"What if I don't want to?" she asked, a sultry tone to her voice.

"If you keep going, I'm not going to be able to stop," he warned.

"Good."

She gave him a wicked smile before resuming her assault on his neck. Her hands once again found the hem of his t-shirt and she stepped back just enough to pull it over his head, tossing it aside. She trailed her fingers across his skin, scratching ever so lightly with her nails, and he shivered at her touch.

Castle was hit with the sudden urge to feel more of her and he pulled her mouth back to his, kissing her deeply as he allowed his own hands to explore, trailing down her sides, across her back, and around to the front, where he skimmed them along her waistband, teasing the skin of her stomach. She moaned into his mouth and arched into him as he caressed her bare skin. It was his turn now to kiss his way down her neck and across her collarbone. He paused briefly when he encountered her scar before gently pressing a kiss to it. Tears filled his eyes as he once again realized how close he came to never having this chance. He heard Kate suck in a breath at his action and pulled away quickly.

"Kate?"

She looked up at him, surprised to see tears in his eyes, and reached out to cup his cheek. "Don't, Rick," she said softly.

"Don't what?"

She gently brushed a tear from his cheek. "Don't think about the what-ifs," she clarified. "Don't think about what almost happened. I'm here, you're here, we're both alive. Focus on that, focus on me, focus on our love."

He closed his eyes, forcing the tears away, opening them again to the feel of her thumb stroking his cheek. She was there in front of him, alive and well and almost fully healed. Her other hand wrapped around his neck, urging him in for another kiss, pouring as much emotion as she could into the gesture. Her eyes were full of passion and love, and when they finally separated he had completely forgotten why he had been upset in the first place. In fact, he had completely forgotten everything.

He found the skin of her stomach once again and resumed his exploration, tentatively moving his hands higher, tracing the planes of her stomach and running them around to her back, pulling her to him, leaving no air between their bodies. He worked his way up, ghosting the tips of his fingers along the bottom curve of her breasts and he felt her shiver.

His hands suddenly stilled, as though he was waiting for her reaction. "Don't stop," she whispered.

"You're sure?" he asked softly against her lips, his hands sliding over her stomach again.

"Yes."

"This isn't going to hurt you?"

She kissed him soundly. "I'll tell you if it does." He did not look convinced. "Rick," she said, taking his face in her hands and leaning back to look him in the eye, "trust me."

"Always." He kissed her again and slowly lowered them to the bed, still struggling with the fact that this was actually happening. They had hardly done _anything_ yet but it had already put his fantasies to shame. He had wanted her for so long, had imagined so many scenarios for their first time, but none of those came anywhere close to how it felt to have her lying on top of him, to feel her hands on his bare chest, to feel her skin on his for the first time ever. He knew he had to get himself under control but he was so nervous and excited all at the same time that he was having trouble thinking straight. Kate was it for him; he had known that for a long time. He was not entirely sure, but he hoped she felt the same way. And if this was going to be the last first time for both of them, he wanted to make sure that it was a night to remember.

* * *

><p>When Castle awoke the next morning, his first thought was that he must still be dreaming. Kate Beckett was sprawled out on top of him with her head buried in his chest, her left leg slung over his right hip, and her right arm wrapped around his shoulders. She looked peaceful and relaxed, so much different from the tough cop that she was during the day. And she was completely naked. He tightened his arms around her and closed his eyes again, savoring the feeling.<p>

When Kate awoke a few minutes later, she was surprised to feel that her pillow seemed to be breathing. She opened her eyes, found herself staring at Castle's chest, and was unable to suppress the grin that spread across her face as memories of the night before came flooding back to her. Memories of them. Of her and Castle, finally together.

Kate had never experienced anything like it. The physical aspect of her relationships had never held so much significance before now, but with him, everything held a deeper meaning. Every look spoke a million words, his every touch made her feel so loved and cherished, and none of those feelings even began to describe what she had felt when they were truly connected. It was not the hottest or wildest sex she had ever had but it was by far the most intimate and loving experience of her life. It was unlike anything she had ever had before, and she knew she would never find that with anyone else.

She smiled at that thought, knowing that there would never be anyone else. She was completely in love with Richard Castle and she could no longer imagine a life where that was not the case. She was not ready now, and she would not be ready in the next couple months, but someday soon, she knew that she would be committed to spending the rest of her life with him.

The thought of waking up to this every morning only served to widen her smile and she nuzzled her nose against his chest, planting a kiss on his bare skin. He shifted beneath her and she lifted her head in time to see him opening his eyes. "Hey," she whispered.

He ran his hands gently up and down her back. "Morning."

Not caring about morning breath, she leaned in and captured his lips in a quick kiss.

"How did you sleep?" he asked as she pulled away.

She rested her forehead against his. "Best I have in a long time."

"Me too," Castle replied with a smile, lifting his head slightly to meet her lips again. "Best morning ever," he said against her lips.

A mischievous look appeared in Kate's eyes. "Are you sure about that?"

"Ye...yeah. Wha...why?" he managed.

She leaned in so her mouth was right next to his ear and whispered, "Because I think I know a way to make it even better."

* * *

><p>It was almost two hours later when Kate and Castle finally made their way into the kitchen for breakfast. They gladly would have spent the entire day in bed-or in the shower, Kate thought, as she remembered their early morning activities-but their company would be arriving soon. They moved around the kitchen together, scrambling eggs and cooking bacon, the smiles never leaving their faces.<p>

After breakfast was eaten and the kitchen cleaned up, they headed outside to enjoy the sunshine for a while. They were sitting on the porch stairs finishing their coffee when Martha and Alexis arrived, laden with suitcases and food for the barbecue. Hugs were shared all around before the four of them headed inside to prepare for the festivities. After unpacking, Martha and Alexis joined Kate and Castle in the kitchen. While Castle prepared the meat for hamburgers and organized all of the snacks, Martha set to work making potato salad, Alexis tossed together a green salad, and Kate sliced up various types of fruit and arranged them on a platter. The four of them chatted the whole time, discussing everything from Alexis's feelings regarding Ashley being so far away to Martha's new acting school to Castle and Kate's latest case which had more twists and turns and liars than any of them thought possible.

They were arranging bags of chips, containers of dip, and a variety of other snack foods on the outdoor table just as Jenny and Ryan arrived. Esposito and Lanie arrived a few minutes later, followed shortly by Jim Beckett, and everyone fell into easy conversations.

An hour later, the party was in full swing. They were sitting on the porch snacking and drinking lemonade, enjoying the sunshine, and laughing their heads off as Martha shared stories from Castle's childhood. Every once in a while, Jim volunteered stories about Kate as well, much to her embarrassment. Eventually, they migrated away from the food and down to the beach. Ryan, Esposito, and Castle wasted no time in changing into swim trunks and running into the waves, splashing around like two year olds. Somehow it turned into a game of football, much to the amusement of everyone else. Martha, Jim, Kate, Lanie and Alexis spent the first few minutes watching and laughing, gradually fading into conversation until Lanie suggested that they join in. Martha and Jim declined, opting to sit and talk, leaving the other three to their own devices. When Lanie reappeared five minutes later, Alexis was already in the water splashing around with her father but Kate was nowhere to be found.

Ten more minutes passed and there was still no sign of her. "Where's Kate?" Castle asked Lanie curiously, noticing her absence.

"I thought she was putting her swimsuit on but I'm not sure. I can go look if you'd like."

As soon as Lanie said the word 'swimsuit,' however, Castle knew exactly what was wrong. "It's okay, Lanie, I'll find her."

He hurried out of the water and grabbed a towel to dry off on his way inside. As expected, the door to the master bedroom was closed. "Kate?" he called softly as he turned the handle and poked his head in. She was standing in front of the mirror in a dark purple bikini, her hand covering the scar on her chest.

She briefly met his eyes in the mirror and then looked away, ashamed. He confidently walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her from behind. "You are so beautiful," he murmured, planting a kiss on her cheek while his hands ran up and down her stomach.

Kate shook her head and looked down, attempting to wriggle out of his grasp, but he held firm. "Kate," he said softly. "Hey, look at me." He turned her around in his arms and placed two fingers under her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. "What's wrong?" He already knew the answer but wanted to allow her a chance to explain.

She turned back around in his arms so that she was facing the mirror and ran her fingers over the scar, which was only partially hidden by the halter strap of her bathing suit. "It's ugly," she said finally, feeling ridiculous for being so self-conscious.

Castle placed his hand over hers and used their index fingers to trace its length. "It's not," he assured her. "It's proof of how strong you are, of how hard you fight for those you love. And it's a reminder for all of us for how lucky we are to be spending this time with you."

She shook her head again. "No, it's a reminder of how I almost died. And it's just going to make everyone flash back to that again when they see it."

He turned her around again so that they were facing each other and took her face in his hands. "Remember last night, when you told me not to think about the what-ifs? This is one of those times, Kate. And you know what? Everyone out there loves you. Everyone. And nothing is ever going to change that. So yes, they might be a bit sad, but mostly their thoughts are going to be just like mine every time I see it; they're going to think about how glad they are that you're alive and well." He kissed her sweetly before adding, "And of course I'll be out there thinking about how stunning you look in that bikini and how I can't wait to rip it off of you."

That seemed to have done the trick because Kate chuckled. "You're not the only one who's going to be thinking about ripping clothes off," she teased, running her fingers along the waistband of his swim trunks.

"Well we could always remedy that problem right now," he suggested, waggling his eyebrows.

"With our colleagues, my dad, your mother and your daughter outside? I don't think so."

"I know some secluded areas."

Kate whacked his chest. "Right, where they could accidentally stumble across us? Not a chance."

"Okay, okay, I'll be good," he said. Kate shot him a skeptical look. "Mostly," he added with a wink.

He kissed her again, taking advantage of the opportunity to caress her bare skin, before she finally pulled back. "They're probably wondering where we are," she said by way of an explanation, although she really did not want to stop.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure they already know," he teased.

Kate whacked him again. "Let's go."

* * *

><p>The rest of the day was spent outside, playing in the waves, walking the beach, and just enjoying the long weekend. At about six, Castle fired up the grill to cook the burgers and everyone enjoyed a delicious dinner. Jim headed back to the city after dinner but everyone else was staying the night so they raided his beer stash and gathered around the outdoor table for a few rounds of poker, Castle producing a five pound bag of gummy bears to use for betting. It was dark by the time they finished and after spending a few minutes gazing up at the stars, everyone headed to their rooms for the night.<p>

Kate was still wearing her bikini under her clothes and as she removed her shirt and shorts, Castle wasted no time in sidling up to her and pulling her in for a hug. "Do I get to tear that off of you with my teeth now?" he leered, his hands fiddling with the tie around her neck.

"Not with everyone else around," she scolded.

"They're all upstairs," he reminded her. "And they can't hear us."

She did not look convinced. "You're sure?"

"Positive." She still looked slightly unsure so he continued. "Kate, I know how important your privacy is and I would never do anything to violate it."

"I know, I just..."

"Trust me," he whispered, repeating her words from the previous night. "They won't hear a thing."

"Okay."

That seemed to do the trick as he once again found himself under her spell. They collapsed into bed, arms and legs and lips tangled together, and when they finally fell asleep, their dreams were filled with visions of each other, of love and laughter and a future, together.

* * *

><p><em>Author's Note Part #2: I know this has nothing to do with this story, but if you haven't seen <span>For Lovers Only<span>...you should! _It's available now on Amazon or next Tuesday on iTunes! _It's beautiful and heartfelt and artistic and intimate and Stana is just amazing! It is a totally different side of her and the whole movie is wonderfully done!_


	18. Chapter 17

_Author's Note: It is with mixed feelings that I bring you the final chapter of Together We Stand. As always, I am sad to see the story come to a close, but I also really like the way that it ends...I hope it lives up to all of your expectations! As I post this, I'm heading off on a road trip...so if you message me and don't hear back, I'm not ignoring you, I just won't have internet for 3 weeks. However, I'll be back in August, hopefully to work on another fic to help us survive until Sept 19th. Before I go, though, I would like to thank all of you for reading/alerting/favoriting and for your words of encouragement! It inspires me to keep writing! And finally, here is the last chapter..._

**Chapter 17 **

Sunday morning dawned clear and bright and Castle woke to the sun shining through the blinds and falling in streaks across the bed. Kate was next to him, wrapped in the sheet, her face buried in one of the pillows and her hair falling over her eyes. He gently reached out and tucked the loose strands behind her ears.

Kate opened one eye and saw him next to her, propped up on one elbow, running his fingers through her hair. "Good morning," he whispered when he noticed her looking at him.

"Mmmmm, good morning indeed," she mumbled into the pillow.

He leaned forward and planted a kiss on her cheek and Kate snuggled into him, replacing the pillow with his arm.

"How long have you been awake?" she asked after a bit.

"Just a few minutes," he answered, burying his nose in her hair.

"What time is it?"

She felt him shrug. "I dunno. Eight, maybe."

Kate groaned and burrowed further into him. Castle hugged her tight, chuckling to himself. "What?" she asked, confused.

"For being such a morning person when you're at work, it always surprises me how much you hate getting out of bed."

He felt her smile against his skin. "Well, I do have a really comfy pillow."

Castle sighed happily. "Well, as much as I'm sure we'd both love to stay here all day, I hear movement upstairs, which means we should probably get up and feed our guests."

"Ugh, fine." She rolled out of bed and headed for the bathroom, Castle following not far behind her. Unfortunately they did not have two hours to spend in bed or in the shower this morning but as Kate stood under the spray, Castle's fingers gently massaging the shampoo into her hair, she found that actually showering with him was pretty amazing as well.

Castle made his way down to the kitchen fifteen minutes later, his hair still damp from the shower, and when Kate appeared no more than five minutes after him, her hair also still wet, Lanie caught on immediately. Ryan and Esposito were upstairs showering and Jim and Martha had not yet made their appearances this morning, so while Alexis and Castle were occupied with preparing a large breakfast, Lanie grabbed Kate's arm and pulled her onto the porch, out of earshot.

"Lanie, what the…?"

"Spill."

"What?"

"Spill."

"About….what?" Kate asked slowly. She knew exactly what Lanie wanted to hear but could not resist the chance to have a bit of fun teasing her friend.

"You and Rick both have wet hair," Lanie pointed out.

"So?"

"So Alexis and I were in the upstairs showers."

"So?"

"Kate!"

"What?" she asked innocently.

"Don't make me beg," Lanie pleaded.

"Fine, what do you want to know?" Kate asked.

"Well, first I want to know why you both look fresh out of the shower right now."

"Because we both just took a shower," Kate answered, still giving nothing away, despite the fact that she knew that Lanie knew.

"Mmhmm, and would you happen to have shared said shower?"

Kate blushed. "Maybe."

"Anything else happen while you were in there?" Lanie probed.

"Nope," Kate replied honestly.

"Liar."

"I'm serious. Well, there were a couple kisses but nothing else."

"Nope, not buying it," Lanie replied.

"Rick had to go make breakfast," Kate explained.

"So you're telling me that you two were naked, in the shower, together, and nothing happened?"

"Yep."

"Then why are you blushing and glowing and walking around with an extra spring in your step?"

"I am not!" Kate exclaimed immediately.

Lanie raised her eyebrows. "Girl, I know you can be a good actor, but some things you just can't hide."

Kate's blush deepened. "Is it really that obvious?"

"I knew it!" Lanie exclaimed. "I knew you were lying."

"I wasn't lying," Kate protested. "The only thing that happened in the shower this morning was showering." She paused, watching her friend's expression fall, before adding, "Yesterday's shower was pretty incredible, though."

Lanie's mouth dropped open and she stared at Kate, silently pleading her for more. "You can't leave me hanging like that!" she exclaimed. "Was that….you….this better be a recent development."

"Friday night," Kate admitted, her mouth spreading into a huge grin. She had had her fun; now it was time to stop teasing.

"Given that smile, I'm assuming he's as good as what he writes."

If possible, Kate's smile grew. "Better," she responded.

"Seriously?"

"Yes," Kate answered. "I don't know how….I didn't know it was possible….it was absolutely amazing, Lanie."

"That good, huh?"

"The best," she said without hesitation. "It was the best ever."

"Wow," Lanie said in shock. "I'm not sure I'll ever be able to look at him the same again.

"Me neither," Kate admitted and they both laughed.

"So, Friday night and then….Saturday morning in the shower?" Lanie pressed. The woman was relentless when it came to details of this nature.

"In bed and then in the shower," Kate said, looking down to hide the blush that was once again spreading across her cheeks. "And last night," she added.

"Well that explains a lot," Lanie said.

"How so?"

"Well, you know, the reason you two are even more lovey-dovey than normal, the reason that he can't keep his eyes off of you….the reason he was totally undressing you with his eyes yesterday when you were in that bikini." Kate looked embarrassed but Lanie put a hand on her friend's arm, drawing her eyes back up. "Hey, I'm happy for you, sweetie," she said with a smile. "I'm happy you guys finally found each other and I love how much he makes you smile."

"I'm happy, Lanie," Kate admitted. "I've never felt like this before."

"It's called love, girl," Lanie teased. "And you guys have fallen so far in that you'll never get out."

"I know," Kate agreed.

"But you don't want to, do you?" Lanie asked, taking in her friend's smile and the tears shining in her eyes. She had never _ever_ seen Kate cry out of happiness.

Kate shook her head. "No, I don't," she managed, and Lanie pulled her in for a hug. "Oh my God, Lanie, it's so intense and scary and amazing all at the same time and as much as I used to want to run away from it all, I can't imagine my life without it now. Without him."

"I'm so proud of you," Lanie said, stepping back to allow Kate to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "But you have to promise me one thing."

"What?"

"When the time comes, I get to go wedding dress shopping with you."

* * *

><p>After breakfast, everyone else headed back to the city, leaving Kate, Castle, Martha and Alexis at the beach house for the rest of the weekend. They once again spent most of the day outside, enjoying the last bit of summer and just relaxing on the beach. Kate had been quieter than normal and while Castle knew better than to push her to talk, by the end of the day he finally broke down and asked her.<p>

"You okay?" he said softly, coming into the bedroom and shutting the door.

She looked up in surprise. "Yeah, why?"

"You're quiet," Castle answered. "And I can almost see your brain going a million miles an hour."

"Just thinking," she replied.

"About?"

"Some things Lanie said this morning." She had no intention of going into detail about the fact that they had discussed weddings and marriage or even diamond rings, and that by the end of it, Kate was not nearly as freaked out as she expected. In fact, Lanie had even wormed out of her the fact that she had imagined what her wedding dress might look like and caught herself dropping more than a passing glance at an ad for engagement rings just the other day.

"Wanna talk about it?" he offered. She shook her head. "Okay."

He had seen Lanie drag Kate out of the kitchen that morning and he figured it was to talk about their relationship, especially when Kate reappeared with a slight blush still lingering in her cheeks. Whatever it was, she would tell him when she was ready. For now, he was not going to push it. He kissed her softly before going about his nightly routine.

Kate, meanwhile, was still deep in thought, trying to figure out how she had gone from fighting Castle to kissing him to wanting to spend all of her time with him in just over three months. Less than a year ago she would have rolled her eyes at the thought that she and Castle would ever be anything more than just partners. Now, he was her partner in every sense of the word and she never wanted that to change. She meandered out to the balcony in an effort to put some space between herself and the man in question as she struggled to come to terms with these new thoughts and feelings. While she was completely in love with him and had known for a while that she was in this for the long haul, a small part of her was still fighting to hang onto her independence, to go back to her habits of not relying on anyone and keeping people out of her heart. Even as the thoughts crossed her mind, though, she knew that there was no turning back now. Leaving Castle, running away from commitment, from which she had shied away for so long, would completely destroy her, and when all was said and done, the one person who had the ability to pick up the pieces would be just as shattered as she was. No, there was no way she was going to let that happen. Castle had proven his loyalty over and over again. He had proven that he would be there for her, that he was completely committed to her, and that she could rely on him and trust him, with her life, her happiness, and her heart. He loved her for exactly who she was and she could be with him and still be independent and driven and stubborn and no matter what happened between them, she knew that he would always be there when the dust cleared, just as she would be for him.

A few minutes later, she heard soft footprints behind her and then felt Castle's arms wrapping around her from behind, coming to rest on her stomach. She leaned back against him and he planted a kiss on her cheek. Kate sighed happily.

"How's it going out here?" he asked quietly.

She smiled. "It's so beautiful," she replied, pushing her jumbled thoughts aside for now. "Sometimes it's so easy to forget places like this exist."

She felt him nod against the side of her head. "I know. That's why I love it out here. It's my escape from the city and the craziness of publicity and fame and everything."

"I can see that," she murmured in agreement. "I don't know how you can ever go back after being here."

He shrugged. "I guess because I know I can come back whenever I want."

"Yeah."

"And we can too," he added softly. "Whenever you want, whenever you need to get away, just say the word. This is your place as much as it is mine."

Kate tensed slightly, unsure of how to react. Was he really implying that he was sharing this house with her? Sure, she had been staying with him for the last three months, but that was only because she was recovering. Well, at least the first two months, that had been her excuse. Since then, she had been back to her apartment a few times to grab work clothes and clean the fuzzy green food out her fridge, but she had spent every night at the loft. She could have moved back home. She could have returned to the comfort of her apartment, but the problem was that it did not really feel that comfortable anymore. It did not feel like home, not the same way that the loft did. Official or not, Kate realized, she had already basically moved in with Castle. But this house? His multi-million dollar house in the Hamptons? It was one thing to live with him in the city; it was completely another to do the same out here. This was his place, his escape, and he was sharing it with her.

Suddenly it was all too much for her. She turned in his arms to protest but found she did not know what to say. "Rick, I…."

She felt him tighten his grip on her as though he was begging her not to run away, not to overthink things and freak out again. He fought the urge to apologize for pushing her because though it had only been three months, it did not feel too soon for him. He was so used to her living with him now that he could not imagine it any other way.

"Kate, please," he begged. "Don't fight it."

"But….this….I…." she stopped, attempting to organize her thoughts, and he released his grip on her in favor of taking her hands, squeezing them gently in a gesture of encouragement and support. "This place is huge," she began, able to complete a full sentence this time. "It's huge and it's expensive and it's yours and….it just doesn't seem right, Rick."

"We're together, Kate," he said by way of an explanation. "We're together and that means that we share things. I'm not doing this because I'm trying to impress you with the fact that I own this place. I'm doing this because I want you to know that you're welcome here anytime you want, just like you are at the loft. I want you to have a place to go when things are difficult or when you just want to relax and get away."

"No, Rick, I can't," she said, shaking her head.

"Hey," he said softly. "Look at me." When she complied, he continued. "You can."

She shook her head again. "No. It's yours, Rick."

"Kate, why have you been staying with me for the last month?" They had never discussed this fact; he had just happily accepted that she was staying and decided not to push it because he did not want to push her away.

"Because I had to," she answered. "I was hurt."

He shook his head. "No," he said. "That was for the first two months. What about the last one?"

Kate looked away, afraid of what her answer might mean for them. She too had grown used to living with him but she knew where this conversation was headed and somehow, despite her earlier realizations, admitting it was so much scarier.

"Kate?" he probed gently.

"Because I could," she answered. It was not untrue, but it was also not the full reason. "Because I wanted to," she added quietly as an afterthought.

"I know you did," he said softly. "And I wanted you to as well which is why I didn't say anything about it. But Kate, you've basically been living with me for the last three months. I know you still have your apartment," he added when she opened her mouth to protest, "but you haven't been staying there. You've been with me at the loft and I want it to stay that way."

"Wha….what are you saying?" she stammered.

"Move in with me."

"What?" She had known this was coming and yet she was still taken by surprise. Never in a million years had she dreamed that she would be in a position in which Richard Castle was asking her to live with him.

"Move in with me," he repeated. "Come live at the loft, permanently. I want you there, Kate. We all want you there with us, all the time. I want to fall asleep with you every night and wake up with you in my arms and….everything."

She wanted to fight it. She wanted to think it over, to give herself a chance to talk herself out of it. She wanted to list off a whole bunch of excuses for why it was a bad idea or how it was too soon but she could not, because she wanted that too, more than anything. "Okay," she whispered, hardly daring to believe what was happening.

"Really?"

"Really, Rick," she replied with a smile, finally recovering her ability to speak more than one word at a time.

"Oh my God," he exclaimed excitedly, picking her up and spinning her around before setting her back on her feet and leaning in to kiss her. "I can't believe it," he whispered when they finally drew apart.

"Me neither."

They stood there in silence, wrapped in each other's arms, watching as the last hint of light left the sky and darkness settled over the water. At long last, Castle loosened his grip. "Come on," he said softly, taking her hand and leading her back inside.

"Where?"

"Bed," he whispered, sitting down on the edge of it and pulling her to stand between his legs. "_Our_ bed."

* * *

><p>Two hours had passed and Kate and Castle were lying in <em>their<em> bed, breathing heavily as they came down from their highs, knowing that there would be many more nights like this in their future. Kate smiled at the thought of falling asleep and waking up with him every day. She turned her head to look at him and was overwhelmed by the feeling of love that overcame her as she watched him, his chest heaving and his eyes still closed. _This is it,_ she thought, _this is my forever._

She lay there, daydreaming of their future, of everything that lie ahead for the two of them, torn out of her thoughts only when she felt him roll over next to her. His eyes were shining and he was smiling and as their eyes met, she knew he had been having similar thoughts.

"What's going on in that crazy mind of yours?" she asked, turning on her side to face him and taking his hand.

"Just thinking."

"About?"

"Us."

"What about us?"

"That it was so worth the wait," he admitted. "That everything we've been through was completely worth it, because look where we are now. Everything we've fought through has brought us closer and made us stronger and now we have an amazing friendship as the base of our relationship and it's just….I couldn't have written it better myself."

The funny thing, Kate realized, was that she could not have either. Three and a half months ago, their lives had been completely upended, their illusions of safety and security shattered. And yet somehow, they had put themselves back together, piece by piece, and although neither thought it possible, they had come out of the whole ordeal closer, stronger, and happier than ever before. Some things would never be the same again. Montgomery was still dead. There was a new captain and things at the Twelfth had changed. Kate still had a scar on her chest to remind both of them how close she had come in her brush with death. Her relationship with Castle had taken on a whole new meaning. She had become part of a family.

But despite the changes, other things remained fairly stable, a reminder that the life they had before was still present. They would go back to work. They would solve murders. They would have each other's backs. They would be there for each other through the good and the bad. They would fight and they would make up. Someday soon, they would solve her mother's case. And when they finally did, they would look back and realize that neither one could have made it there alone. On their own, they would have shattered long ago. But together, they were still standing tall.

**THE END**


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